Sex is a fundamental aspect of marriage, yet it can often be overlooked or ignored altogether. If you feel like sex is missing from your relationship with your partner, it’s essential to understand why this might be happening to rekindle the spark between you.
In this blog post, we will delve into the concept of a sexless marriage, examine the average frequency of sexual activity among couples based on age, explore 17 common reasons behind lost sexual desire in married couples, ranging from monotony to the prevalence of daily stressors that often overshadow sexual intimacy. Ultimately, we’ll discuss potential solutions to these challenges.
Recommended Reading: Help I Have No Desire For My HusbandBy understanding these issues, you can formulate strategies and solutions to put the passion back into your marriage so that you and your spouse can start experiencing those special moments of genuine connection again!
What is Sexless Marriage?
Some experts define a sexless marriage as having sex ten or fewer times a year. You may suddenly realize you’re in a sexless marriage. Many of those in sexless marriages vehemently disagree and say it’s the quality that counts.
Actually, the frequency of sex is also an important parameter of marital communion and quality of life. Frequency does vary by age. If a ninety-year-old couple is having sex five times a year, that’s pretty phenomenal. It’s not sexless; it’s just less sex.
However, if a twenty-five-year-old couple is having sex five times a year, there’s probably something wrong. To judge how good your sex life really is, it makes sense to compare yourself to others in your situation.
Of course, it’s not easy to go around asking your friends and contemporaries how often they do it. Pretty soon, you won’t have any friends. Most people don’t talk about sex, even to their physicians or therapists. If you did ask others about their sexual frequency, many would be embarrassed to tell the truth.
According to the NORC (National Opinion Research Center), all adults engage in sex about 60x a year.
The Reasons A Sexless Marriage Happens
-
The “honeymoon phase” ends
Remember when you and your partner couldn’t keep your hands off each other? Unfortunately, that initial spark doesn’t last forever. As time passes, the excitement fades, and sex becomes less frequent.
-
When trust is broken in a relationship, it can be challenging to regain intimacy. Infidelity can cause emotional turmoil and make it hard for couples to connect physically.
-
Communication breakdown
Effective communication is critical to a healthy sex life. If couples don’t talk about their needs and desires, they may be unable to satisfy each other in the bedroom.
-
Boredom and routine
Doing the same thing over and over can get old. Couples who don’t switch things up in the bedroom can lose interest in sex.
-
Different sex drives
It’s common for couples to have different levels of sexual desire. If one partner wants sex more often than the other, it can lead to frustration and resentment.
-
Performance anxiety
Men and women can experience anxiety or pressure to perform during sex- making it difficult to relax and enjoy the experience.
-
Stress
Between careers, kids, and household responsibilities, it’s no wonder that stress can take a toll on a couple’s sex life. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, the last thing on your mind is getting it on.
-
Financial Issues
Money troubles can put a strain on any relationship, and that includes sex. When you’re worried about paying the bills or making ends meet, it’s hard to get in the mood for love.
-
Porn
In today’s digital age, porn is more accessible than ever before. While some couples enjoy watching it together, it can become a substitute for real intimacy for others. Learn how I overcame my porn addiction.
-
Physical health problems
Chronic illnesses, pain, medications, and not being in shape can all affect your sex drive. If you’re experiencing physical health problems, addressing them with your healthcare provider is essential.
-
Emotional health problems
Mental health struggles like depression, anxiety, and trauma can all impact your desire for sex. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help if you’re experiencing these issues.
-
Children and Parenting
Kids are a blessing but can also be a huge source of stress and exhaustion. When you’re busy with parenting duties, finding time and energy for sex can be challenging.
-
Physical distance
Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or just feeling distant from your partner, physical distance can affect your desire for sex.
-
Age-related changes
Our bodies and hormones change as we age, impacting our sex drive. Talk to your healthcare provider about any concerns you have regarding your sexual health.
-
Resentment and unresolved issues
If you’re holding onto resentment or unresolved issues, connecting physically with your partner can be difficult. Addressing these issues through therapy or counseling can help you move forward.
-
Changes in attraction
Our attraction to our partner can change over time. If one partner is no longer physically attracted to the other, it can be hard to feel sexually aroused.
-
Prioritizing other things over sex
Couples who don’t prioritize their sex life can find themselves in a sexless relationship. It can fall by the wayside if they don’t make time for intimacy.
Are You Feeling Sexually Neglected in Your Marriage?
It’s a frustrating and emotionally draining experience to be in a sexless marriage. We get it. You’re probably scouring the internet for answers and wondering why you and your partner aren’t getting closer in the bedroom. Maybe you’ve tried talking it out, but the conversation always seems to go nowhere.
Well, don’t throw in the towel just yet. There are many common reasons couples experience a lack of intimacy, and we’ve compiled a list of 17 of them. But here’s the kicker: knowing the reasons is not enough. You and your partner must honestly discuss what’s going on between the sheets.
But let’s be honest; talking about sex can be awkward or embarrassing. It’s not always easy to open up about your desires or concerns. That’s where a professional therapist or coach can be a game-changer. They can help you and your partner communicate more effectively and understand each other’s needs. Plus, they bring a fresh perspective and years of experience to the table.
How to jump start a sexless marriage?
First and foremost, don’t give up hope. With the right mindset and tools, you can reignite the spark in your relationship and bring back the excitement in your sexless relationship. Start with these seven tips to reignite your sexless relationship:
-
Set the Mood- Create a romantic atmosphere by lighting candles, playing soft music, and setting aside time for intimacy. A little effort goes a long way.
-
Be Present: Focus on the moment and enjoy the experience. Put away your phone and other distractions to fully connect with your partner.
-
Communication is Key – Talk to your partner about your desires, fantasies, turn-ons, needs, and any changes you’ve been experiencing. Don’t be afraid to be open and honest about everything. Remember, communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. Here are 53 questions to help the communication flow.
-
Get Physical: Touch and affection are essential for a healthy sex life. Hold hands, cuddle, and often kiss to maintain intimacy.
-
Explore Together: Experiment with new positions, toys, and techniques to keep things exciting in the bedroom. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun!
-
Take Care of Yourself: Self-care and confidence are key to feeling sexy and desirable. Exercise, eat well, and practice good hygiene to boost your self-esteem.
-
Be Patient: Reviving your sex life takes time and effort. Don’t give up if things don’t improve overnight. Keep communicating and working together to find what works best for both of you.
What’s The Average Number Of Times A Couple Has Sex
Depending upon how you compare to these averages, you may start feeling pretty good, or you may start to badger your mate for more frequent encounters.
The yearly figures for married vs. not married are:
-
69.2 vs. 49.8 times a year in the forties
-
53.8 vs. 31.2 times a year in the fifties
-
32.5 vs. 15.7 times a year in the sixties
-
16.2 vs. 2.6 times a year in the seventies
So, if you thought singles-scene folks do it every night, guess again. Still, according to the above figures, if you’re married, you’re supposed to be doing it around once a week in your fifties.
Note that for couples in their sixties, sexual encounters go down to 32.5 times a year, and in the seventies, the frequency drops to 16.2 times a year. That’s once a month—each birthday, New Year’s Eve if you don’t get drunk and fall asleep, and once on Groundhog Day.
Bear in mind that these are averages, and for many couples, the frequency of sex is much less. According to some expert opinions, many couples are already living sexless lives.
While these statistics are stunning, the reasons for sexual decline are probably more compelling. Why does sexual frequency wane as people age? Why do so many people stop having sex altogether as they age? Is it natural to decrease the frequency and ultimately stop having sex?
It all depends on how you define nature. The body ages, hormones are in decline, and various maladies develop. You can argue that decline is the natural order of things, or you can argue that there are remedies to fix many of the problems associated with aging and the decline of sexual activity, so why not use them?
Conclusion
A sexless marriage can be challenging, but it’s not insurmountable. Couples experiencing this issue must take the time to identify the underlying reasons and work towards a solution.
Whether that means seeking professional help, improving communication, or exploring new ways to experience intimacy, there are steps you can take to rekindle the flame in your marriage. A healthy and happy relationship is built on trust, communication, and a willingness to explore new ways to connect.
