I was recently at a dinner party, and the conversation drifted toward relationships. Suddenly, I overheard someone mention they were in an “open relationship.” 

My mind started racing with questions, and I couldn’t help but wonder: 

What exactly is an open relationship? Does it mean they’re dating multiple people? Attending wild parties every weekend? Or perhaps they are in a secret society only a select few can join

Perhaps similar to me, you are also curious. 

Hence why we’re going to embark on a journey to uncover the mysteries of open relationships and answer the questions that have been dancing around in my head. 

Let’s dive in!

What is an Open Relationship?

An open relationship is a consensual non-monogamous relationship that allows partners to pursue sexual and emotional attachments with multiple people. Both partners agree to date other people according to their rules, with honesty and transparency being the key to making it work. In an open relationship, partners can explore their desires without judgment or shame.

Classifications of Open Relationships

Open relationships can take different forms, but they are generally placed in between swinging and polyamorous relationships. Here are the different types:

• Swinging partners: These partners pursue sexual encounters with other people that are solely sexual, and they do so together. Swinging is all about having fun and exploring new sexual experiences with others.

• Polyamory partners: In polyamorous relationships, partners can have multiple committed relationships at once, emotionally and sexually. Interestingly, in polyamory, there is no association between need fulfillment with one partner and commitment to the other partner(s).

• Partnered Nonmonogamy: Partnered nonmonogamy is a popular type of open relationship. In this arrangement, the primary relationship is the top priority, and partners are free to explore open dating if those secondary relationships are not serious. This means that while you remain committed to your primary partner, you can also explore relationships with others.

• Polygamy: In this arrangement, one or both partners are married to multiple spouses. Due to people being married to various people, most polygamous relationships are not considered legal or ethical in the US. 

Exploring Open Relationships: The Demographic Breakdown

A recent study on a sample of participants revealed that over one-fifth of them have been involved in consensual non-monogamy (CNM) at some point in their lives. Specifically, 21.9% of participants in Study 1 and 21.2% in Study 2 reported engaging in an open relationship.

Consistency across Various Factors

The study found that the prevalence of CNM among the participants remained consistent across various demographic factors such as age, education, income, religion, region, political views, and race. This indicates that CNM is not limited to a particular group of people but is rather a phenomenon that transcends these factors.

Differences Based on Gender and Sexual Orientation

However, the study revealed that the prevalence of CNM differed based on gender and sexual orientation. Men and individuals who identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual were found to be more likely to have engaged in CNM than women and those identifying as heterosexual.

Cracking the Code: How Do Open Relationships Work?

Now that we’ve established what an open relationship is, let’s move on to the next mystery: How do they work? 

I may not have all the answers, but I can offer insights from friends that have made them work. So, let’s delve into the essential components that make open relationships successful.

• Communication: communication reigns in open relationships. Partners get to discuss their feelings, boundaries, and expectations openly and honestly, ensuring both parties are on the same page.

• Trust: Trust is the foundation of any solid relationship, open or otherwise. All partners must have faith in each other’s ability to respect the agreed-upon rules and boundaries without fear of betrayal or deceit.

• Boundaries: As mentioned earlier, while each open relationship is unique, partners must establish their own set of rules and limitations. This could include anything from the types of relationships they’re allowed to pursue to specific guidelines surrounding communication and disclosure.

The Ground Rules for Open Relationships

You might wonder: What are some common ground rules in open relationships? While there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, we’ve collected some examples of rules and boundaries couples use to ensure the relationship(s) work for everyone involved. Hopefully, this gives you an idea of the diverse landscape of open relationship agreements.

• Veto Power: Some couples may establish a rule that either partner can “veto” a potential new relationship if they feel uncomfortable or threatened by the situation.

• Safe Sex Practices: Ensuring the health and safety of all parties involved is often a priority, so many couples agree to practice safe sex and be open about their sexual health.

• Emotional Boundaries: Open relationships can lead to emotional attachments with other partners, which can cause jealousy and insecurity. Some individuals may only be comfortable with their partner engaging in casual sexual relationships, while others may allow for deeper emotional connections. Clearly defining these boundaries is essential to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

• Sex Boundaries:

  What sexual activities are okay?
  What kind of safe-sex practices are necessary?
  What is off the table?
  How often should we get tested?

  It’s essential to clearly understand each other’s expectations and comfort levels regarding sex. Couples discuss and agree on these boundaries to avoid misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

• People Boundaries: A critical aspect of open relationships is determining who you can involve and who is off-limits. Discussing other people and setting boundaries on who is fair game and who is off the table is essential. Are there any gender boundaries? Couples ask all the necessary questions to make sure they have clear answers.

• Time Boundaries: How much time is it okay to spend with other partners? Are there any exclusive activities? Time limits clarify how much time you will spend apart, together, and with others. 

Clear Expectations
Whatever arrangement a couple chooses, the ones that work often express and discuss their feelings. Two common questions couples use when creating their boundaries and rules are: 

• How will we know our relationship is still a top priority? 

• How will we continue to work on our relationship while exploring others? 

Couples keep things clear as crystal to avoid any awful experiences.

Exploring the Advantages of Open Relationships

Open relationships are becoming increasingly popular among couples due to their numerous benefits. Here are some potential advantages of an open marriage or relationship:

Freedom to Pursue Different Interests and Sides of Your Personality
One of the most common reasons for an open relationship is the freedom to pursue different interests and explore different sides of your personality. You can have multiple partners and enjoy different experiences that you may not have been able to in a monogamous relationship.

Usually More Sex
Open relationships often involve more sex than traditional monogamous relationships, as individuals can explore their sexual desires with different partners, leading to a more fulfilling and satisfying sex life for both partners.

Clearer Expectations and Boundaries
Open relationships require clear communication and boundaries, which can lead to a more honest and transparent relationship. By discussing expectations and boundaries upfront, both partners can better understand each other’s needs and desires.

Greater Novelty
Open relationships are perceived to offer greater novelty and excitement, as individuals are free to explore new experiences and relationships. This can lead to a more adventurous and fulfilling lifestyle.

More Need Fulfillment with Various Partners
Open relationships allow individuals to fulfill their needs with various partners, rather than relying solely on one person to meet all their needs. This can lead to a more satisfying and fulfilling relationship for both partners.

Only Boundaries That Both Partners Previously Agreed On
In an open relationship, both partners have the freedom to set boundaries that work for them. As long as both partners agree on these boundaries, there is no need to feel guilty or ashamed about exploring other relationships.

No Pressure to Be Each Other’s Primary Resources
Open relationships remove the pressure to be each other’s primary resources for emotional and physical needs. Consequently, the people involved feel more relaxed and fulfilled, as both partners are free to explore their individual needs and desires.

Heightened Focus and Communication About Needs and Wants
Open relationships require honest communication and a focus on fulfilling each other’s needs and wants, creating a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship, as both partners can express their desires and work together to meet each other’s needs.

Avoiding FOMO
Open relationships can help individuals avoid the fear of missing out (FOMO) by allowing them to explore different experiences and relationships. 

Being Upfront and Honest About Romantic Pursuits
For open relationships to thrive, honesty is essential. Each partner should share their desires and interests freely, resulting in a deeper and more satisfying bond where deception is unnecessary – at least in theory.

Understanding Open Relationship Problems

Open relationships can be an exciting and liberating experience for some couples. While this type of relationship can bring excitement and freedom, it’s not without its challenges. Just like any other relationship, open relationships come with their own set of problems that can put a damper on your romantic life. Before potentially entering into such a relationship, consider the potential downsides that couples have told me also arise

Exploring the Cons of Open Relationships

Open relationships can be an exciting and liberating experience for some couples. However, before potentially entering into such a relationship, consider the potential downsides that couples have told me also arise. These downsides can range from social judgment to emotional hurt and even physical health risks.

• Jealousy and Envy of Other Partners: One of the most common downsides of open relationships is jealousy and envy. When one partner is involved with other people, it can trigger feelings of insecurity and jealousy in the other partner. Even if both partners have agreed on the terms of their open relationship, jealousy can still arise, leading to tension and conflict.

• Social Judgment: Although the world is becoming more accepting of non-traditional relationships, open relationships can still be stigmatized. People may view open relationships as immoral or inappropriate, leading to social isolation and discrimination.

• Potential Self-Esteem Problems: Being in an open relationship can also lead to potential self-esteem problems. If one partner is seeing other people, the other partner can inevitably compare and question their value and worth. Ultimately creating feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, potentially damaging the relationship.

• Emotional Hurt Seeing Partner Happy With Others: Another downside of open relationships is the potential for emotional hurt. Seeing one’s partner happy and intimate with others can be challenging, leading to sadness and insecurity- causing unnecessary conflict and tension in the relationship, potentially damaging it beyond repair.

• Higher Risk of Sexually Transmitted Infections: More partners means a higher risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). When one partner sees other people, the risk of contracting an STI increases significantly. 

• Feeling Exhausted Trying to Juggle Many Partners: Being in an open relationship can be exhausting, especially if one is trying to juggle many partners simultaneously. Multiple relationships can cause feelings of burnout and stress, potentially damaging the relationship and one’s mental health.

• Spending More Money: More dates, more money. Seeing multiple partners increases spending on dates, gifts, and other expenses. Potentially causing a strain on one’s finances.

• Uncertainty About the Future of the Relationship: Finally, open relationships can cause uncertainty about the future of the relationship. As partners explore new and different people, the couple can question their stability and longevity together. 

Perhaps after evaluating and weighing the pros and cons of an open relationship in this article, you have decided to try it. Wondering what your next steps should be? Here’s what you need to know.

Exploring an Open Relationship with Your Partner: A Guide

Open relationships are not widely accepted in society, and if you’re in a relationship or marriage that’s monogamous, the thought of exploring an open relationship can be daunting. However, exploring this option with your partner is possible if you approach the topic respectfully and with an open mind.

Step 1: Communicate

The first step towards exploring an open relationship is to communicate with your partner openly and honestly. Chances are, this will be a difficult conversation. This conversation aims to explain why you’re interested in exploring this option and what an open relationship entails.

Be patient and understanding, as your partner may feel sad, disappointed, angry, or defensive. Remember that this is a new concept for them, and it may take time for them to fully understand and agree upon exploring open relationships.

Step 2: Give Your Partner Time and Space

After the conversation, give your partner time and space to process their thoughts and feelings about the possibility of exploring an open relationship. It may take some time for them to come to terms with the idea, and they may have many questions or concerns that they need to work through.

Be supportive and understanding as your partner works through their emotions and thoughts. Avoid pressuring them to decide or trying to force them into something they’re uncomfortable with.

Step 3: Seek Professional Help

If you’re struggling to discuss these things with your partner, it may be helpful to seek professional help. Couples therapy can effectively help you discuss feelings and concerns in a safe and supportive environment.

A therapist can help you and your partner work through any issues that may arise as you explore the possibility of an open relationship. They can also provide guidance on how to communicate effectively, manage jealousy, and set boundaries.

Step 4: Agree on the Terms

Both partners must fully understand and agree upon the terms of an open relationship to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings. Discuss boundaries, rules, and expectations for the relationship.

Be open and honest about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with. Listen to your partner’s concerns and be willing to compromise and adjust as necessary. If Your Partner Agrees Now You Get To Communicate With Your Family. 

Connect with Your Family About Open Relationships with Your Partner’s Approval

Open relationships are a popular choice among couples these days, yet convincing your family to understand it can be tough. It’s especially challenging when you and your partner both want to venture into this lifestyle. Here’s how you can tackle the situation with your loved ones.

Talking to Your Loved Ones

Start with the people you think will be comfortable discussing the topic. Be sure to explain the concept in detail and answer all of their questions.

It’s essential to clear up any doubts or misconceptions they may have.

It’s important to remember that some people may have strongly negative opinions about open relationships. However, by introducing the concept positively, they may become more familiar with it over time. This can help them to understand the benefits of open relationships and why it may be the right choice for you and your partner. Simultaneously they may bring up things that you and your partner have not thought about or discussed, helping you resolve potential issues beforehand. 

Now that you have talked to your family, it’s time. 

Embarking on the Adventure of an Open Relationship

Below are some tips and tricks to help you navigate the uncharted territory ahead: 

Choose Your Own Adventure

First things first, you need to decide what kind of open relationship you want to embark on. Are you looking for something casual or perhaps a more structured polyamorous setup? Whatever your preference, make sure it aligns with your desires and needs.

Have “The Talk” with Your Partner

Once you’ve got a clearer idea of what you want, it’s time for a little heart-to-heart with your partner. Share your thoughts and feelings openly, and listen to theirs as well. Together decide what you want. 

Set the Ground Rules (and Keep Them Updated)

Now that you’re both on board, it’s time to lay down some ground rules. Be as detailed as possible, and check in with each other regularly to make sure everything is still working for both of you. Remember, rules aren’t set in stone, and they can evolve as your relationship does.

Time Boundaries
Set clear limits and expectations for time spent with other partners in your open relationship. It is essential to establish whether you will actively seek out other relationships or only pursue them if opportunities arise. Regardless of your approach, agree on guidelines for how much time is appropriate to spend with other partners. Consider setting specific weekly time limits and discussing options for rescheduling date nights.

People Boundaries
You have to agree on who it’s okay to get intimate with. Not having this conversation could lead to trouble. Knowing who your partner is comfortable with and vice versa is crucial. Some people in open relationships prefer to avoid hooking up with strangers to avoid awkward run-ins. Others choose partners they already know and trust. 

Emotional Boundaries
Establish clear emotional boundaries. Discuss what social and emotional behaviors are acceptable, such as being okay with your partner having random Tinder hookups but uncomfortable with them going on dates or seeing other partners in social settings. 

Emotional guidelines can be even trickier to navigate than physical ones, so it’s crucial to have open conversations with your partner. Consider asking two important questions: Can you have sex without developing feelings for someone, and how will you handle the situation if feelings arise?

Sex Boundaries
Be clear and upfront with your partner about what kind of sex you’re comfortable with and what’s out of bounds. It’s essential to establish boundaries around sex with others if that’s something you’re both interested in. 

You don’t want to deal with hurt or disappointment later because you didn’t talk it through. So, talk it out now! Be open and specific about what’s on and off the table. 

Ensure you’re on the same page regarding penetrative sex, oral sex, kissing, and other kinky activities. Also, remember to talk about safe-sex measures. Ensure you both know what STI screening practices you’ll expect and what prevention methods you’ll use. 

Recommended Reading: Effects of Sex With Multiple Partners

Keep Communication a Priority

Communication is the lifeblood of any successful open relationship. Make it a point to have regular and honest conversations with your partner about your experiences, feelings, and needs. This will help prevent misunderstandings and ensure that everyone’s on the same page.

Discuss Your “Relationship PR”

How will you talk about your relationship with others? Will you be open about it, or keep it on the down-low? Decide together how you want to navigate this aspect of your lives, and make sure you’re both comfortable with the agreed-upon approach.

Remember Your Priorities

Finally, always keep in mind that you and your partner are each other’s number one priority. Commitment doesn’t have to be exclusive, but it should always be at the forefront of your mind. As long as you’re nurturing your connection and keeping each other’s needs in mind, your open relationship can be a beautiful, fulfilling experience.

And there you have it! With these guidelines in hand, you’re ready to embark on the journey of an open relationship. Just remember to keep communication flowing and stay flexible.

Sources: Haupert ML, Gesselman AN, Moors AC, Fisher HE, Garcia JR. Prevalence of Experiences With Consensual Nonmonogamous Relationships: Findings From Two National Samples of Single Americans. J Sex Marital Ther. 2017 Jul 4;43(5):424-440. doi: 10.1080/0092623X.2016.1178675. Epub 2016 Apr 20. PMID: 27096488.