Ghosting Explained – The Manual
Relationships have always been complex, but in today’s modern era, the landscape of love has become more intricate and complicated than ever before. As we navigate the mostly digital world of dating, with the proliferation of various dating apps, the dynamics of a relationship and romantic connections have irrevocably changed. For most, gone are the days of simplicity, the story where boy meets girl, they start dating, get engaged, and then get married.
Related Reading: The Pros & Cons Of Casual Dating
Nowadays, a whole new lexicon of relationship terms has emerged, capturing the diverse range of experiences in the ever-evolving modern dating realm. From the heart-wrenching phenomenon of roaching, where the person you’re dating simultaneously entertains other romantic interests, to the thrilling rush of love bombing, when an intense infatuation showers you with adoration before abruptly vanishing after emotionally and sometimes physically abusing you.
Navigating the intricacies of modern dating can be incredibly perplexing and overwhelming. That’s why we’re here—to unravel the enigma of your dating life. Brace yourself as we present a comprehensive overview of one of the most popular contemporary relationship terms- ghosting.
What Is Ghosting?
Have you heard of ghosting? It’s one of the frequently used modern dating terms that describes abruptly cutting off contact with someone without any explanation. Imagine reaching out to find closure or reconnect, only to be met with total silence. That’s why it’s called ghosting – it’s like someone vanishing into thin air, just like a ghost.
Types Of Ghosting
Soft ghosting
Dating has its fair share of disappearing acts, and now there’s a new version taking center stage: soft ghosting a date. Brace yourself for the worst of the rollercoaster of emotions as we dive into this behavior and discover what to do if you find yourself on the receiving end.
You know the drill: someone you’ve shared a romantic connection or at least engaged in conversations in real life with starts to slow fade and fall away. The once vibrant replies and constant communication now give way to an unsettling silence. But here’s the twist: instead of completely vanishing (aka ghosting), they leave crumbs every now and then, keeping you interested and hanging on their every word.
Before the era of online dating, our parents dubbed this act as being strung along. However, in the digital age, we call it the dating app soft ghosting, and chances are you can relate to the signs.
Soft ghosting is when someone “likes” your last message or reacts to your latest comment on platforms like Facebook and Instagram. Yet, they fail to deliver a proper reply, leaving the idea of conversation hanging in an agonizing limbo. They’re not exactly ignoring you, but they’re also not offering any substantial response. It’s a slow fade before the break up.
Emotional ghosting
Emotional ghosting is neglect through emotional withdrawal; the partner is insensible towards the partner’s needs and a chilling indifference to the relationship’s existence. The consequences of emotional ghosting are equally as harmful as physical ghosting, inflicting a severe emotional toll. Detecting this passive-aggressive act can be an elusive task.
What Are The Signs of Ghosting?
Ghosting can happen in different ways. Sometimes it’s obvious, but other times it can unfold gradually. Keep an eye out for early signs that someone might be ghosting you:
- They frequently cancel plans to hang out
- They struggle to commit to anything
- They avoid opening up about themselves
- They don’t introduce you to most people their friends or family
- They vanish from social media
- They rarely respond to your texts or calls
Furthermore, your conversations may lack depth and real connection, and they might appear disinterested. If you’ve had a few dates, made several attempts to get in touch with someone, and they simply won’t respond, it’s a strong indication that you’ve been ghosted.
Bear in mind that ghosting can also occur on any social media platform. It involves cutting off all contact without an explanation. The other person may unfriend, unfollow, or even block you on all social media platforms. They might even deactivate or delete their social accounts to eliminate any possibility of contact.
11 Examples Of Ghosting
So, how does ghosting manifest? Here are thirteen examples to shed light on this ghostly phenomenon:
1. Ignoring texts or emails indefinitely, as if they never existed.
2. Leaving someone’s text messages on “Read” for eternity.
3. Going on a date and then disappearing without a trace, even when they try to follow up.
4. Unmatching someone on a dating app abruptly, without any explanation.
5. Ceasing communication with a friend or regular chat partner, even after multiple attempts to connect.
6. Suddenly cutting off all contact after months or years of dating.
7. Purposefully responding slowly or vaguely to texts, slowly fading away from the conversation.
8. Arranging a date but failing to show up without any explanation, apology, or effort to follow-up.
9. Interviewing someone for a job and leaving them hanging, uncertain about the outcome.
10. Quitting your job without informing your employer, leaving them in a state of confusion.
11. Abruptly stopping therapy sessions, personal training, or other commitments without giving notice.
Why Do People Ghost?
Have you ever wondered why some people choose to ghost? Ghosting, often viewed as an immature or passive-aggressive way to end a relationship, can also be a form of emotional abuse in certain cases.
So, what drives this behavior? There are typically three main reasons, often intertwined.
1. It’s Easy
Firstly, for some, it’s simply easier (at least in the short-term) to ghost someone rather than engage in an awkward, uncomfortable heart-to-heart about not wanting to continue the relationship. The person doing the ghosting may want to avoid confrontation or dealing with the other person’s feelings, so they opt to cut off all communication and hope the message gets through.
2. They Have Options
Secondly, the rise of internet dating has brought with it a seemingly endless array of options compared to the limited choices you might find in a bar. With such an overwhelming number of potential partners, online daters tend to adopt the mindset of “OK, next” or “Yeah, but, hey, what else?” They might find the person they’re talking to nice enough, but if they’re juggling multiple dates and other connections, that person might not make the final cut.
3. To Avoid Conflict
Thirdly, it can be uncomfortable to have hard conversations. Ghosting can happen when someone is anxious about ending a relationship because they struggle with these types of discussions. It’s not uncommon for people to avoid difficult relationship conversations if they didn’t grow up seeing their family engage in them. But remember, facing these conversations head-on can lead to growth and better understanding in relationships.
Understanding the reasons behind ghosting can shed light on this confusing and perplexing phenomenon in modern dating. It’s important to focus and remember that clear and open communication is key in building healthy relationships.
What To Do After Being Ghosted?
Ghosting hurts, and it’s a tough rejection. It’s even more painful because you’re left with no explanation, no roadmap on how to proceed, and a wave of emotions to deal with alone. If you struggle with abandonment or self-esteem issues, being ghosted can really hit hard.
In this modern age of ever-advancing technology, your ghoster might still be visible on your various social media platforms, even though they’re physically gone from your life. It often sets off a whirlwind of emotions, leaving you wondering why someone would just disappear without a trace. Thoughts like “Was I not worth an honest explanation?” can make you feel dehumanized and undervalued.
Don’t Be Too Hard On Yourself
Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’ve been ghosted. It’s natural to have these thoughts when your messages go unanswered but remember that negativity bias makes us focus on the negatives. The worst part is that our minds tend to jump to negative conclusions without knowing the reason. We start questioning ourselves, thinking we must be unattractive or stupid. But here’s the truth: you shouldn’t blame yourself.
Don’t Confront Them
Confronting someone who’s ghosted you may seem tempting. It could provide a moment of satisfaction, a chance to assert yourself. But what if it only reopens old wounds? What if they remain vague about their reasons, leaving you feeling even more rejected? Considering the likely outcome, confronting them takes immense bravery – and it’s important to recognize that it may not bring the resolution you desire.
Do Surround Yourself With People
Remember, this challenging phase will eventually pass, and in the meantime, focus on spending quality time with friends who uplift and support you. Consider exploring new opportunities offline and taking a break from dating sites. It might be worth your while! And while you’re at it, take some time and evaluate your dating strategy.
If Needed Reach Out
If you’re seeking closure after being ghosted, consider sending your ex a message like this: “Hey, it’s been a while since we last talked. I’m not sure what happened, but I’m not interested in pursuing this any further. My time is valuable, and I don’t want to leave any doors open. Wishing you the best.” While the person who ghosted you may not respond, it can provide you with the closure you need.
Unfortunately, some people misuse online platforms’ anonymity, but don’t let that discourage you. Remember, you are more than just a picture and words on a screen. You deserve genuine friendship and connections that stand the test of time. Keep your head up, and don’t let ghosting define your worth.
