What’s the Magic Number? The Truth About Sex in Long-Term Relationships

Let’s admit it; we’ve all wondered about it. How much sex is enough sex in a long-term relationship? Is there even such a thing as a “normal” amount? Well, we’ve got the answers you’re looking for.

At the start of a relationship, it’s all fireworks and passion. You can’t keep your hands off each other, and the chemistry is electrifying. But as time goes on, the frequency of sex tends to decrease, and some couples might start to worry. 

Does this mean there’s something wrong with the relationship? 

Not necessarily.

These relationships can still be full of love and affection, but the decline in intimacy can worry them. Most of us have heard that couples in long-term relationships have sex an average of once a week, and if a couple is not meeting that number, they can become concerned, thinking a breakup is inevitable.

An important note: The average doesn’t apply to everyone. Some couples might have sex more often, while others might be perfectly content with less.

However, if you are reading this article, you probably want to make sure you are your significant other are having “enough” sex, and we want to at least point you in the right direction by answering the following:

• How often do couples have sex in general?

• Should there be any “gold standard”?

• Is sex important at all?

• What can affect the amount of physical intimacy?

• Is it okay, or will it ruin relationships?

• How can couples improve their sex life?

**Get ready to uncover the answers you've been looking for!** 

Part 1 of our exciting 2 part series is here - keep reading to find out more!

How Often do Couples Have Sex?

People are always curious to know more about the intimate lives of couples. So, what do the numbers tell us? 

Regarding frequency, studies have found that the average amount of sex in long-term couples is once a week. 

This is based on a 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, which analyzed the sexual behavior of over 26,000 adults from 1989 to 2014.

But wait, there’s more! 

It’s essential to note that sexual frequency tends to be highest during the early stages of relationships, and there are phases when couples have sex more often, such as when trying to conceive.

It may be intriguing to look at the statistics to determine what’s happening in people’s intimate lives and how it can be measured.

Here are the insights that scientific studies can provide us with:

1. Quality Over Quantity

The truth is, the secret to a fulfilling and happy relationship isn’t all about the number of times you and your partner get down and dirty. As it turns out, quality trumps quantity regarding sexual satisfaction.

In their groundbreaking book, “The Normal Bar,” authors Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwartz, and James Witte conducted an extensive survey that involved over 70,000 participants. 

The results were eye-opening, to say the least: a mere 7.5% of respondents reported having sex daily. So, if you’re not part of that exclusive club, fear not – you’re in good company!

But here’s the real kicker: according to the research, couples who have sex once a week reported the same happiness levels as those who engaged in more frequent sexual encounters. That’s right – once a week is all it takes for most to keep the fire burning and maintain a strong, satisfying relationship.

Of course, it’s important to note that every couple is different. What works for one pair may not necessarily work for another. The key to a happy and fulfilling relationship isn’t about adhering to a strict sexual schedule. Instead, it’s about finding a balance that works for both partners and ensuring their desires and needs are met.

Recommended Reading: Why Rejecting Your Spouse Ruins Your Relationship

2. The Great American Sex Decline

Over the past few decades, Americans have been putting the brakes on their bedroom antics. Millennials, for instance, are only getting down and dirty about 57 times yearly.

And now, Gen Z is experiencing what some are dubbing a “sex recession.” 

But it’s not just the youngsters experiencing this decline in sexual frequency. Even married folks are doing the deed less often than they used to. In fact, between 2000-2004 and 2010-2014, the number of times married people had sex per year dropped by 16. 

And if we go back even further, to 1995-1999, married couples were getting busy nine times more per year than they are now. It seems that Netflix and chill have replaced the days of steamy, passionate love affairs – and I don’t mean the euphemistic kind of “chill.”

So, what does this all mean? 

Are we headed for a future where sex is a distant memory, and people gather around the holographic fireplace to listen to stories of the “good old days” when people actually, you know, did it? Only time will tell. But for now, it seems that Americans are experiencing a bit of a dry spell. 

The reality is that sexless marriages are not as uncommon as you may think. 

First, let’s dive into the technicalities. 

A sexless relationship is often defined as one with sexual activity occurring less than 10 times per year or one time per month. 

But wait! Don’t get too hung up on these numbers, as sexual activity can include more than just intercourse. 

Now, let’s get to the juicy stuff. According to the Relationships in America survey, a whopping 12% of married people between the ages of 18 and 60 reported not having sex for at least three months! 

That’s right – this is not some rare phenomenon that only plagues a few unfortunate couples. 

Recommended Reading: I Have No Desire For My Spouse

So, what does this mean for the rest of us? 

Well, it’s a reminder that open communication and honesty are crucial in any relationship. It’s also a wake-up call for those who may be neglecting their partner’s needs, whether it’s emotional intimacy or physical connection. 

But remember, you’re not alone if you find yourself in a sexless marriage.

It’s important to address the issue head-on and work together to find a solution that works for both of you. 

What Should I Do About Our Sex Life?

Picture this: a blissfully happy married couple, cuddling on the couch, reminiscing about their honeymoon phase. “Remember when we used to have sex three times a day?” they laugh before a sudden silence falls between them. The cold truth sinks in – those days are long gone.

It’s a familiar scene for many married, cohabiting, or engaged couples who have noticed a decline in their sexual escapades over time. This realization often brings concern, shame, and a desperate need to compare their love lives to others’. 

After all, if frequency is the measure of “success,” then surely something must be wrong with their relationship, right?

But hold on, don’t start panicking just yet. Before you embark on a mission to “fix” your love life, let’s clear something up: there’s no magical number of sexual encounters per week that guarantees a perfect relationship.

And even if there was, it wouldn’t apply to everyone. 

Why? 

1. Reject The”Normal” Sex Life Myth

First things first, let’s bust a common myth: there’s no such thing as a “normal” sex life. The idea that there’s a specific number of times you should be getting down and dirty with your partner is as absurd. People’s needs, desires, and circumstances vary, so it’s only natural that their sex lives do too.

Sex: the Ebb and Flow
Just like the tides, our sex lives ebb and flow. There will be periods of intense passion, followed by times when sex takes a backseat to other priorities. It’s entirely normal for the frequency of sex to decrease as a relationship progresses, especially when you consider the various life events that can impact one’s libido.

Stressful jobs, the arrival of children, health issues, and aging can all contribute to decreased sexual frequency. But does that mean the relationship is doomed? 

Absolutely not! 

In fact, many couples find that their bond only strengthens as they navigate these challenges together. The key is to maintain open communication and prioritize intimacy, even if it’s not always in the form of sexual encounters.

Recommended Reading: 39 Questions To Increase Intimacy In Your Relationship

2. Make The Times Really Count

Rather than obsessing over how often you’re having sex, focus on making the moments you do share truly special. 

After all, a mind-blowing, passionate romp once a week is better than a half-hearted, obligatory quickie every other day, right?

So, embrace your unique journey, and let your love life be guided by your own desires and needs, not by some arbitrary number.

Recommended Reading: 10 Positions For Achieving Explosive Orgasms

Conclusion

All in all, sex is an incredibly important part of any relationship and it’s essential to keep the spark alive.

Tomorrow, we will provide you with the answers to some burning questions that many couples may have, such as what matters more than frequency when it comes to sex, is it healthy to have sex every day, can a lack of sex ruin a relationship and how can couples spice up their sex life.

Get ready for some actionable information and tips that will help you to feel more confident and excited about your own physical relationships.

To continue this exploration into understanding sex better, tune in tomorrow for the answers you crave! For now, rest assured knowing that having everything you need close at hand is always an advantage.

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