Marriage is a beautiful and complex union that should not be taken lightly. Before taking the plunge into this lifelong commitment, it is vital to take an honest and earnest look at your own spiritual walk. After all, if you are hoping to become a godly husband or wife, it is essential to consider what steps you are taking to prepare for that role.
What are the rules for Christian dating?
1. Both People Should Have A Focus On Growing Spiritually
Are you ready to embark on the journey to finding a godly spouse? Before you start, it’s essential to evaluate your spiritual well-being. After all, not only are you looking for a godly partner, but you should also strive to be a godly spouse! This is true regardless of your relationship status–being a Christian means growing in Christ, no matter what.
To help with this evaluation and preparation process, here are a few nonnegotiables to keep in mind:
-
You are Growing in Christ — This should be a commitment for all Christian singles!
-
You are Open and Honest with Yourself — As you evaluate yourself spiritually, be honest about any areas of your life that need improvement.
-
You Pray for Guidance — Ask the Holy Spirit to help you in this process and to reveal any areas of your life that He wants you to work on.
As you continue on your modern dating journey, remember to keep these biblical principles in mind. They will help ensure that you are prepared and ready for the godly relationship that you seek.
Related Reading: How To Have Intimacy With God
2. Both People Should Know If They Want To Get Married
Christian dating should be saved for those who are seeking a life partner. If you can’t even imagine yourself married in the next 12 months, then it’s not the right time to date.
To make sure you’re making the right decision, ask yourself whether you’re emotionally, mentally, and financially ready for marriage. It’s a major commitment; if you’re not ready to take the plunge, it’s best to focus on preparing yourself and your marriage life.
If you think you’re ready, make sure you have a plan for the future. Marriage is a huge commitment, so it’s essential to have a clear idea of the kind of life you want to have with your future spouse. Knowing your goals and how you plan to achieve them together can help ensure you’re on the same page.
When you’re sure you’re ready, the next step is to find the right person. It can take some time and effort, but if you focus on the right qualities, you’ll be able to find someone you can build a robust and meaningful partnership with.
Questions For Christian Singles To Determine If They Want To Get Married.
If you need help in determining if you are ready for marriage here are some baseline questions you can ask yourself:
Am I committed to sexual purity, in line with biblical teachings?
Am I honestly dealing with any sexual immorality, like pornography addiction, in my life?
Have I established clear boundaries in my relationships to honor God and protect my purity?
Am I faithful in giving back to God a portion of my income as an act of worship and obedience?
Do I prioritize reading and studying biblical principles to grow in my faith and understanding of God’s Word?
Am I ready to put aside some of my own desires for what my spouse wants or needs?
Do I have a consistent prayer life, seeking God’s guidance and wisdom?
Do I actively seek opportunities to serve others and demonstrate Christ’s love in tangible ways?
Have I taken steps to cultivate emotional and spiritual maturity, ready to enter a committed relationship?
Do I have mentors, friends, and spiritual leaders who can provide guidance, accountability, and support?
Have I addressed any past hurts, traumas, or unhealthy patterns (like sexual sin) that could impact my future marriage?
Am I prepared to prioritize Christ at the center of my relationship and marriage, seeking to reflect His love and grace in all aspects of my life?
Related Reading: The Importance Of Being Equally Yoked
3. Both People Should Know What’s Truly Important
Congrats if you made it thus far; that means you are spiritually committed to yourself and can see yourself married within the following year. But, before you start swiping left and right, take a moment to consider the Godly way to date.
First, you should look to God’s Word to decide the kind of person you should date. The world’s modern dating ideas of attraction and chemistry are not always the best criteria to rely on. Instead, evaluate potential dating partners on biblical principles.
Related Reading: Blinded By Their Looks
Are You Looking for Godly Characteristics in a Spouse?
When it comes to finding a spouse, what should make the difference? The Bible talks about the characteristics of godly men and women, and these are the things that the Lord himself considers to be good attributes or, to use a different word, “attractive.”
What Are The Characteristics of a Godly Spouse?
- Is your potential spouse a believer in Jesus Christ & are they growing in their Christian faith (Matthew 7:21-23)?
- Do they exhibit the fruit of the Spirit — love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)?
- Do they show clear regard and care for others (Philippians 2:1-4)?
- Do they show evident love for God in how they spend time and money and how they interact with others; simply put does their life glorify God (Ephesians 5:1-2)?
Looking for these godly characteristics can help you find the right partner in your dating life. Pray for wisdom and guidance while finding a spouse because the Lord knows what’s best for you!
4. The Men Should Initiate
The Bible assigns different roles to men and women in the church, family, and relationships. But before we get too far into the conversation, here’s something to remember: This isn’t a signal of male superiority or the greater importance of men, but rather it is God’s design and assignment of equally valuable roles among spiritually equal beings.
So what is the design? It’s simple: Men initiate, and women respond. This doesn’t mean men are all-powerful or that women are powerless, but rather that God has assigned these roles to create balance in relationships.
Why Should The Men Initiate?
-
It honors the spiritual equality of men and women.
-
It creates a structure that allows relationships to thrive.
-
It allows men to use their God-given strength and leadership abilities.
-
It will enable women to use their God-given intuition and emotional intelligence.
Initiative is a powerful tool; when men use it responsibly, it can help create balanced, solid relationships. Women are equally important and valuable, and when both men and women live out their God-given roles, it can lead to a beautiful and harmonious relationship.
Although many people may believe that this is “old school” and it does not matter who initiates. I encourage you to think about the patterns you are setting for your future marriage. By keeping God’s design for marriage in mind, you start healthy habits off the bat that will serve you both in the future. FYI: Initiation is also applicable to dating sites!
Taking The Leap: The Power Of Initiation
At its core, initiation means having the courage to take the first step, no matter the risk.
It’s the men’s responsibility to make the first move when pursuing someone they are interested in. But all too often, we allow men to find ways to avoid the risk of rejection and embarrassment by manipulating the situation. We will enable them to “put feelers out” by talking to our friends, having subtle conversations with us, occasionally flirting to see if we bite, etc.
But a man taking the true “initiation” leap requires extraordinary courage and should signal that this is the type of man I should be interested in, one willing to risk their pride and ego on me!
A Loving Reminder for Single Men
As a single man, have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you’re not ready to be married within the next year? If so, you’re not alone. Many of us have wrestled with the same question, and Scripture has quite a bit to say on the topic. The Bible clarifies that seeking marriage is part of growing into biblical manhood. As men, we should pursue this goal and seek a loving relationship.
5. The Women Should Respond
In a dating relationship, a man and a woman have God given roles. It is the man’s God-given role to initiate, while it is the woman’s God-given role to respond. Her initial response may be either positive or negative, and it may come through her father, her family, or directly to her potential suitor.
Although it may not always be easy, single men must learn to lead. In contrast, single women must learn how to let a man assume spiritual leadership in the relationship and respectfully respond to that leadership.
Trusting God’s Goodness and Sovereignty
The popular secular view of a “liberated” woman’s role paints a picture of Hollywood’s perfect woman. She knows what she wants, is aggressive, and runs with the men—in our post-feminist, post-sexual-revolution, we’re the same as the opposite sex.
But this is far from the truth.
Ultimately, submitting to your husband means trusting God’s goodness and sovereignty. God created our roles and views a woman’s role as vastly different from our society’s view. Here are a few key points:
-
A woman is meant to honor and respect her husband and to strive to be a helpmeet, which includes the ability to read her husband’s needs and respond accordingly.
-
A woman is to be gentle, tenderhearted, and kind and to demonstrate love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (click here to learn more about what a woman’s purpose is)
-
A woman is to be a moral example to her children and to love them unconditionally.
The Bible contains examples of strong, faithful, and courageous women, from Sarah to Mary to Esther. These women were far from perfect, but they trusted in God’s sovereignty and goodness (by submitting to their husband’s will). As women today, we can learn from their examples and strive to trust God’s goodness and sovereignty in our own modern dating journeys.
Related Reading: What does the Bible really say about a woman's role in marriage?
6. The Couple Should Find Dating Accountability
When it comes to Christian dating advice, let me advocate initiating a relationship under some type of accountability structure. Until the second half of the 20th century, this primarily meant involving the woman’s father or family. But why?
A Protective Measure
What better way to protect yourself from heartache and potential awkwardness while simultaneously ensuring a relationship is carried out honorably?
Think of it as a modern-day version of the old-fashioned chaperone. By setting up an accountability structure, you can help ensure that the person you’re seeing is the same person you thought they were and that your relationship is based on mutual respect. Family and friends see experience people differently than you do when you’re smitten. Therefore, before you are head over heels, having others evaluate your suitor and provide you with a complete picture is crucial.
Related Reading: Why We Can't See Our Partner's Faults When We Start Dating
Finding a Natural Alternative for Dating Accountability
Dating relationship accountability doesn’t mean your suitor must immediately have your father’s name and phone number! It may mean that you should explain to your would-be suitor that they get to meet this person or couple first to discuss and help you evaluate your would-be suitor.
This could be a married individual in your Christian world or a couple within your church community (remember his or her life should also glorify King Jesus). Ladies, this isn’t something that you should be afraid of. Open and honest conversations with others will help your Christian dating relationship in the long run and protect you against sexual immorality.
So don’t be afraid to reach out and explore your options!
Here are other ways you can build accountability into dating relationships:
– Set up a group chat with your friends so you can stay updated with each other’s dating lives and provide mutual support.
– Agree to check in with a friend before and after each date. This can help you open up about any red flags or weird vibes you notice.
– Invite your friends to meet up with you and your date. It’s a great way to get to know someone better and create a safe space for everyone involved.
So, if you’re looking for that extra layer of protection, accountability is the way to go. It provides comfort and security in knowing you’re taking the necessary steps to ensure a healthy relationship.
Conclusion
When preparing for marriage, know that Christian dating advice is great, but the most important thing is to consider and determine what God expects from each party. We must evaluate ourselves to make sure we are spiritually ready for marriage. This includes understanding the characteristics of a godly spouse and acknowledging that in God’s design, men initiate and women respond.
Furthermore, having accountability within the boundaries of traditional Christian dating will help create confidence for both parties involved; including helping you both avoid sexual immorality. Although this post may provide helpful insight into beginning your spiritual journey before marriage, every situation is unique, and many can have opinions on the matter.
Therefore, let us know your thoughts about this traditional take on modern dating in the comments below! With this in mind, may you be blessed on your Christian dating journey toward – whatever path you choose to follow.
