Build a Rock-Solid Marriage Using Bible Principles
God created marriage in a way that profoundly unveils our true selves. This is because the moment we utter “I do,” we commit ourselves to a sacred bond with our spouse. Just like in business, where partners solidify their alliance with a legally binding contract, marriage, specifically a biblical marriage, is a covenant relationship.
A Christian marriage represents a sacred bond, a covenant not just between two individuals but also with God. God’s design for marriage can be best depicted using the analogy of an equilateral triangle, where God graces the peak, and the husband and wife occupy the individual base corners.
As spouses deepen their connection with God, they simultaneously draw closer to each other. The outcome of this divine bond is a vibrant, healthy marriage.
When a pair professes their undying love and devotion to each other, they adopt God’s love for each other and apply specific biblical principles or commandments that pave the way for a Godly marriage.
This article will delve into God’s Word to learn biblical principles for our Christian marriages. Upon understanding and implementing these biblical marriage principles, you’ll discover that they provide a solid foundation for a successful and fulfilling marital relationship!
Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband. – Ephesians 5:21-33, MSG
It seems like 1 Corinthians 13 & Ephesians 5 are the two passages that are always cited at Christian weddings. However wives and husbands alike seem to have Ephesians 5 committed to memory as a sort of divine mandate for mutual love and respect.
Yet, what is the true meaning behind these bible verses, and what are the principles that we can extract from it to enrich our marital relationships? Let’s delve deep into its interpretation and practical application.
Biblical Marriage Principles: Decide To Be A Minister
When we read the above verse, the big takeaway is deciding to be a minister to your spouse. Wait, I’m not a minister.
Ministering is about understanding and catering to the needs of others. This act embodies the work of the Holy Spirit. As a minister of Jesus Christ, we care for, uplift, and strengthen those around us.
This is an essential biblical marriage principle and one of the most significant decisions we can make in Christian marriages. The commitment to minister does not evolve naturally.
To develop this inkling, there are a few requirements:
-
time spent in the Bible
-
sincere prayer
-
action
- love God
The realization that I am a minister to my spouse changes how I speak with and to them. As a minister, I consciously and deliberately think: “My purpose right now must be to help my husband/wife realize their value as a person while revealing what Jesus thinks about them. What can I do that will accomplish this?”
This rings true in both the ups and the downs. Perhaps even more when your insides are screaming with a compelling desire to defend yourself, criticize your spouse, or make other hurtful responses. As a minister, amid inner turmoil, we must decide to love God; therefore, we do what will help our spouse feel loved.
What Stops Us From Ministering To Our Spouse?
Originally, God created man, Adam, and a woman, Eve, to share everything with each other; they were “naked” before each other, living in God’s design for marriage. But God’s design for marriage was flawed when sin entered the world, resulting in fear of being naked in front of others, totally resisting giving ourselves to others. Typically we fear that if we give with no purpose, we will be shortchanged, and our needs will not be met. At best, we’ll be disappointed; at worst, we’ll be destroyed.
However, we must remember that God is faithful.
We are to trust his perfect love to cast out our fear, believing that as we give to our spouses, He will supernaturally bless us with an awareness of his presence. And He will. (Understand this will take time).
Every day we will have a new opportunity to commit to being a minister to our spouse. Our job is to learn how to be faithful in this decision and to press on in obedience, not giving in to discouragement or weariness, believing that God will always honor the conscious and persevering motivation to serve Him.
FYI: It’s important to understand that even when a spouse becomes increasingly critical, indulges in substance abuse, or dismisses our ministerial efforts, we should persist in our obedience. Our duty before God is to maintain faith and obedience, entrusting Him with the eventual outcome. (I am not saying to tolerate abuse etc., although God hates divorce, he does understand it).
Related Reading: What Does The Bible Say About DivorceBiblical Marriage Principles: Learn To Minister To Your Partner’s Needs
Ephesians makes two pretty bold declarations:
-
Wives, understand, and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Jesus Christ.
-
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Jesus Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting.
These two biblical principles, call them Bible teachings, commandments, or whatever you prefer, are imperative to adhere to. They address God’s design for our fundamental needs to be met in a relationship. So, regardless of how you label them, it’s crucial to implement them because they touch upon each other’s core needs!
Learn To Share Your Needs
In marriage counseling sessions, one of our primary tasks involves guiding the two partners to recognize their deep-seated needs and then share them with each other. I firmly believe that many husbands and wives are often unaware of the profound desires echoing from their partners’ hearts.
Too often, one of the protective layers people hide behind is the layer of “apparent togetherness,” or “I can handle things,” or “I’m OK, and I assume you’re OK.”
Behind confident smiles and spiritual clichés about everything working out for the best, there often lies a deep-seated craving for acceptance. We all have an intense yearning for someone to truly understand us as we are — anxious, broken, frightened, angry, and full of desires — yet, love and accept us just the same.
Therefore I regard an honest sharing of who I am with my spouse as consistent with the principle of ministry. I am not to complain about how bad I feel; rather, I am to remind myself that my needs are met in Christ and to share with my spouse how I feel in our relationship. My goal in sharing is to vulnerably reveal myself, legitimately desiring, but never demanding, a loving response.
Hence, I believe we should disclose our true selves to our spouses, both the good and the bad. Being vulnerable and revealing ourselves, is the only way for our spouse to truly minister to us.
Related Reading: 71 Marriage Questions For A Vulnerable RelationshipWhat Stops Us From Being Vulnerable To Our Spouse?
We commonly hesitate to share our feelings with our spouse, primarily due to the fear of receiving an indifferent or critical response. Essentially, by withholding our emotions, we aim to shield ourselves from pain and hurt.
Generally, our personal needs take precedence in our minds. We often rationalize our reluctance to share our pain or needs by convincing ourselves that we don’t want to burden others.
However, if we dig deeper, the underlying motivation is often self-preservation. We may be trying to control the narrative or avoid potential backlash rather than genuinely considering the other person’s feelings.
To transition to a model of marriage based on ministry, we must take responsibility for our emotions and share them with our spouses. The call to minister to our spouses carries little weight until we both recognize and acknowledge that our spouses need our ministry.
It’s about moving beyond self-interest and stepping into a space of mutual support, understanding, and emotional openness.
One husband put it well when he said, “My wife is so strong and self-sufficient that to offer her my love is like giving Elon Musk a dollar. It seems she doesn’t require what I can provide.”
This sentiment reflects the challenge some people face in relationships where they perceive their partner as highly independent, leading them to struggle to see how their ministry could be significant to their partners.
Despite their external display of strength or independence, it’s vital to remember that everyone, without exception, requires emotional support and love. (Just as important as it is for one spouse to know this, it’s just as crucial for the other spouse to admit they need this)!
If our partners do not open up to reveal their needs to us, we must pray for:
-
that they know their needs
-
an emotionally safe space for them to reveal their needs
-
wisdom to know how to touch those needs
Biblical Marriage Principles: Know That You Were Chosen Minister To Your Spouse
Ephesians says, “They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.”
Ephesians 5 conveys that a God designed marriage unifies a husband and wife into one flesh. God’s design was a unity that spanned across all aspects – emotional intimacy, spiritual intimacy, intellectual intimacy, financial intimacy, and beyond. Just as each part of the body contributes to the whole (the stomach processes food for the body, the brain guides the body for its overall benefit, the hand’s labor for the body’s sake, etc.), each partner should similarly care for the other.
Many of us grapple with feelings of low self-value and self-worth, making it challenging to believe that we have the means to make our marriage ministry fruitful. After all, relationships are complex, just as people are. We may often feel bewildered and uncertain about the right course of action.
Despite our feelings of bewilderment and inadequacy, our omnipotent God has not erred in entrusting us with the responsibility to fulfill our spouses’ most profound needs. No matter the conditions surrounding a marriage, God provides married couples distinct chances to serve his or her spouse uniquely through the beautiful bond of unity!
Related Reading: Breaking Free From Low Self Esteem
What Stops Us From Ministering To Our Spouse?
As a couple discovers each other’s needs, they may sometimes feel ill-equipped to nurture their relationship. There can be apprehension that their attempts will fall short and that they might not possess the necessary resources to enhance their bond.
However, the key to successful bonding lies in total dependence on God, which stems from an acknowledgment of our own limitations. Recognizing our weaknesses allows us to remain in Christ, placing our trust in God’s word and the Holy Spirit for growth (John 15:1-8).
How To Apply Biblical Marriage Principles
Remember that unless we consciously choose to serve our partners on a continuous, moment-to-moment basis, our sinful nature will desire to influence our spouse to do things that benefit us first.
Here his how to apply the above biblical marriage principles to action:
Joshua steps into his home following a taxing day at the office. His subconscious desire likely centers around a comforting reaction from his wife, Midori. This could be in the form of a cheerful welcome, a tender embrace, or a ready-made meal.
Having faced her own professional hurdles throughout the day, however, let’s say the first thing she utters is, “Why did you arrive so late? You mentioned you’d be home almost an hour ago.”
Midori has blocked Joshua’s goal.
Let’s pause and reflect for a moment.
What is the usual reaction when someone’s objective is hindered? Typically, they experience anger or at least irritation. Joshua is feeling upset with his wife. He acknowledges to himself that he is tempted to respond with a sarcastic remark such as “Hey, thanks for the warm welcome! It’s really pleasant to come home!”
What should he do? What would you do?
In this scenario he has a few options:
-
to express his anger using harsh words
-
to defend his late arrival
-
ignore Midori’s comment and wash up for dinner
-
soothe her with an apology and a warm embrace.
If Joshua recognizes his role as a support to his wife, the question he should pose to himself is not “What should I do?” but instead “What is my objective?”
If Joshua is (1) committed to the principle of ministry, (2) aware of his wife as a person who longs to feel loved, and (3) convinced that he is God’s instrument to represent Christ’s love to his wife, then he is able to minister to his wife at this moment.
By keeping in mind that we serve each other, we can replace a thought such as “Why can’t she be pleasant when I get home?” with “My current objective is to make Midori feel cherished and important to me.”
Related Reading: Marriage Counseling Techniques To Manage ConflictTime For A New Tape
Consider the mind as a vintage tape recorder. The automatic “tape” that plays represents our aim to alter our spouse’s behavior: “Why can’t she welcome me warmly?” We need to assertively remove that incorrect tape to shift objectives and insert a new one. In other words, select a fresh phrase that mirrors our modified goal: “I desire to make her feel cherished.”
Adopting new thought patterns must extend beyond a mere mechanical process. As we substitute our self-centered thoughts with generous intentions, it’s essential to remind ourselves that we’re voluntarily choosing to serve, rooted in our faith in God.
Even if our emotions don’t instantly transition from irritation to empathy, we can express non-judgmental acceptance to our partners if service is our chosen aim. The key question is, are we genuinely ready to embrace the objective of serving at this moment? The more open we are to this idea, the closer our marriage will get to a fulfilling bond.
Conclusion
These biblical marriage principles require each partner to place their faith in Christ to fulfill profound personal needs and view our christian marriage as a singular journey of sharing life in Christ.
The path to a gratifying, healthy christian marriage involves assisting our spouse in comprehending and valuing their intrinsic worth, not only as individuals reflecting God’s image but also as saints who possess genuine security and importance in Christ.
The “one flesh” for a husband and wife that Ephesians talks about can only flourish when both partners embrace an unwavering commitment to cater to the other’s needs.
Relationships constructed on the basis of manipulative attempts to boost our sense of being cherished, or to shield ourselves from additional pain, will never reach the level of unity that God desires for us to experience.
In a Christian marriage, a husband and wife must shift from the principle of selfishness (looking out for oneself) to the principle of ministry (understanding and catering to the needs of others). In doing so, they take one step close to God’s idea of marriage.
Remember: share the love, subscribe often, comment thoughtfully and may God Bless you & your marriage – we’ll see you tomorrow for more!
