20 Tips for Couples to Manage Conflict at Home

Are you looking for ways to resolve conflict with your partner? 

Spend a few moments with this advice from seasoned marriage counselors. We’ve had a sneak peek behind the scenes to reveal their top tips for handling disagreements with your spouse without getting hurt. 

Learn from the experts and come out even stronger than before!

How Fighting Can Strengthen or Weaken Your Relationship

It’s a given fact that all couples argue. Whether you’re married, engaged, or just starting to date, disagreements are bound to happen when you’re in a romantic partnership. However, it’s essential to understand that not all conflicts are equal. Some mistakes couples make during arguments can lead to emotional distance and hurt feelings rather than bringing them closer together.

The Importance of Healthy Conflict

According to experts, a healthy level of conflict is essential in any relationship. It’s an opportunity for couples to voice their concerns, identify their differences, and work towards a resolution. When handled correctly, disagreements can strengthen the bond between partners and improve their communication skills.

However, it’s important to note that not all arguments are productive. Couples who engage in hostile and aggressive behavior during conflicts are more likely to create emotional distance between each other. Leading to resentment, anger, and, ultimately, a breakdown of the relationship.

The Common Reasons Couples Argue

After counseling numerous couples, it’s clear that some issues arise more frequently than others. Money, chores, sex, and children are common triggers for arguments. While these topics can be sensitive and complicated, couples must address them openly and honestly.

The Bottom Line

While disagreements are normal in any relationship, handling them healthily and respectfully matters. Using the tips below, you can focus on a productive conversation, enabling couples to strengthen their bond and improve their relationship.

1. Learn How to Stop Swearing and Using Aggressive Language for Happier Home Life

Swearing or using aggressive language during a conflict is a common problem that can negatively impact a relationship. How you communicate with your partner can affect how they perceive you and determine the relationship’s success.

Why Do People Swear During a Conflict?
Swearing serves as an intensifier during a conflict. It can make someone feel superior, more resilient, and less stressed. However, it can be highly offensive or abusive to your partner. Swearing can also be a coping mechanism for people not skilled in conflict resolution. 

Aggressive language indicates that someone may be flooded with emotions and needs to take some time to calm down before continuing the conversation.

The Importance of Clear Communication
When swearing becomes a recurring issue in a relationship, the partner affected must communicate clearly how much the swearing bothers them. It is crucial to stress the importance of not using aggressive language. Partners should work together to solve conflicts; the idealized outcome is feeling more loved.

Deescalating the Situation
Deescalating the situation can help in decreasing the use of swear words. When fighting, we must watch our words when arguing with our spouse and use gentler language. Swearing can make someone sound like they are losing control of their emotions, and emotional disequilibrium or the appearance of it can make a spouse feel unsafe.

2. Stop Interrupting, To Create Lasting Peace in Your Relationship

One of the most significant communication barriers in relationships is interrupting your partner. Interrupting your partner is disrespectful because it shows you’re uninterested in what they say. It’s a clear sign that you’re unwilling to listen and understand their point of view. Interrupting can also be seen as a power play, where one person tries to dominate the conversation.

Interrupting your partner can lead to frustration, hurt feelings, and a communication breakdown. It sends the message that their thoughts and feelings don’t matter, which can damage the relationship in the long run.

The Consequences of Interrupting
Interrupting your partner can have two main consequences. The first is that the interrupted person may shut down and stop communicating altogether. They may not see the point in continuing the conversation if they don’t feel heard or respected.

The second consequence is that the conversation can escalate into a gigantic blowup. Interrupting can trigger defensiveness, anger, and resentment, quickly turning a minor disagreement into a full-blown argument.

The Importance of Active Listening
Active listening is an essential tool for effective communication in relationships. It involves listening to your partner with an open mind, repeating what they’ve said, and asking clarifying questions to ensure you understand their perspective.

If you struggle to listen to your partner without interrupting, try taking notes before and during the conversation. Notetaking can help you stay focused and avoid blurting out impulsive responses. You can also write down any questions you want to ask so that you don’t forget them when your partner is done speaking.

3. Learn How to Respectfully Communicate and Reduce Conflict with Body Language

In any relationship, communication is vital. It’s how we express our thoughts, feelings, and needs. However, sometimes our body language can speak louder than our words, and if it’s negative, it can sabotage the message we’re trying to convey.

Examples of Disrespectful Body Language

• Throwing your hands in the air

• Eye-rolling

• Crossing your arms

• Frowning and scowling

These actions can amplify the tone and temperature of any conflict. They can also block the message you’re trying to send. If negative body language is present, the person is not in a good space to listen.

Example of Positive Body Language
Sitting in two chairs directly across from each other with both feet flat on the ground and hands resting gently on the tops of your thighs is the ideal communication position. This posture shows openness and willingness to listen.

Sometimes when arguing, couples get lost in the conversation and don’t even realize they’re coming across as hostile or physically aggressive. Be mindful of your body language and how it’s perceived.

Use Sensitive Phrasing
It’s okay to point out things that bother you, but using more sensitive phrasing can make a big difference in how the conversation goes. For example, instead of saying, “Stop rolling your eyes at me,” try saying, “It looks like you’re frustrated when you roll your eyes at me – is that how you feel?” This approach can help both parties stay calm and focused on the issue at hand.

Recognizing and Replacing Negative Gestures
Eye-rolling and throwing hands in the air are often used to regain relational control and attention. Notice and recognize when you are using these gestures and replace them with a feeling word such as sad, angry, or anxious. These tactics can help you communicate your emotions more constructively.

Taking a Timeout
If the conversation becomes too heated, it may be worth calling a timeout to go off and identify your triggers separately and then come back and continue discussing issues when everyone is in a better place. This can help both parties feel heard and understood, leading to a more productive conversation.

4. Discover How to Overcome Stonewalling 

In any relationship, conflict is inevitable. However, how the conflict is managed will have a massive difference in the outcome. Stonewalling is a common response to conflict, where one or both partners shut down and stop communicating. It can be frustrating and hurtful for the other person and can lead to disconnection and resentment.

What is Stonewalling?
Stonewalling is a defense mechanism that people use when they feel overwhelmed during conflict. Instead of facing the issue, they tune out, act busy, or say they don’t want to talk anymore. Shutting down is a sign of emotional flooding, where the person’s emotions are so intense that they feel like they can’t handle the situation.

Stonewalling can manifest in different ways, such as withdrawing, avoiding eye contact, giving one-word answers, or simply walking away. It can be frustrating for the other person, who may feel like they’re talking to a wall.

How to Deal with Stonewalling
Step back and regroup if you or your partner are stonewalling during a conflict. Continuing to push the conversation when someone is in this state can be counterproductive and will escalate the conflict. Instead, take a break and return to the discussion when both parties are calm.

Research shows that taking a 20-minute break can help reduce physiological arousal and allow for a more productive conversation. During this break, engaging in self-soothing activities, such as deep breathing, walking, or listening to calming music, will make a difference.

Having a cue or word in place can also be helpful in communicating when you or your partner are feeling overwhelmed. For example, you could agree on a hand signal or a code word that indicates the need for a break. This can help prevent misunderstandings and allow for a smoother conflict resolution.

Sometimes, people are not ready to verbalize their feelings, and pushing your partner to respond may not be a good idea. Respect their boundaries and give them the space to process their emotions. Saying something like, “Can we talk about this in a day or two when you’re ready?” or “Let me know when you want to talk further about this” can be a much better approach.

5. Stop Using Blame Language – Learn to Resolve Conflict Constructively and Positively

Blaming is a common form of self-protection that people use when they are feeling vulnerable or hurt. When we blame others, we are essentially discharging our pain and trying to feel in control of the situation. However, blaming language can be incredibly destructive in intimate relationships.

When we blame our partners, we attack them and put them on the defensive. This can lead to a breakdown in communication and create resentment and mistrust. Couples who use blame language are more likely to experience conflict and are less able to resolve their issues healthily.

Taking Responsibility for Our Actions
If you want to build a strong and healthy relationship, taking responsibility for your actions and your role in the relationship is essential. This means being willing to admit when you have done something wrong and being willing to make amends.

One way to take responsibility is to empathize with your partner and try to understand their perspective. Instead of blaming them for the problem, try saying something like, “I can imagine how you feel.” This shows that you are willing to put yourself in their shoes and that you are open to hearing their side of the story.

Another way to take responsibility is to acknowledge your own role in the problem. Even if you only played a small part, owning up to your actions and taking steps to make things right matters. This can help rebuild trust and create a stronger foundation for your relationship.

The Benefits of Empathy and Taking Responsibility
When we use empathetic language and take responsibility for our actions, we create a more positive and supportive environment in our relationships- leading to greater intimacy, trust, and satisfaction. 

When we take the time to understand our partner’s perspective and acknowledge our own role in the problem, we can work together to find solutions that work for both of us.

• Empathy helps us to connect with our partner on a deeper level

• Taking responsibility shows that we are committed to making things right

• Using blame language can create feelings of resentment and mistrust

• Taking responsibility can help to rebuild trust and strengthen the relationship

Conclusion

Resolving disputes happily and easily can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. For couples to manage conflict at home, it’s important to understand the importance of healthy conflict.

Common reasons people argue are due to the words and body language they use. To reduce the frequency of disputes, try using positive body language, sensitive phrasing, and replacing negative gestures with more constructive ones.

Ultimately practicing empathy and taking responsibility for our own actions can help us maintain a happier home life for all involved! Let’s all remember that communication is major in our relationships, so we must find ways to discuss any issues that arise calmly.

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Read Part II Here!