It can be tricky sometimes to gain recognition as the incredible person you are, but we cannot spend our energy worrying and obsessing about what men think of us.
There is no point in allowing their judgment to define us, but I completely understand that wanting to stand out is an entirely universal feeling!
So let’s dive into how to grab people’s attention without seeking validation in the wrong places. Here are some helpful tips that could help you recognize just how worthy and valuable your brilliance is while acknowledging that you aren’t getting the results you want!
1. Your Looks DO Matter
Your looks are of great importance, but with an asterisk. Here is some wise age-old advice: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:3-4, NIV
The external appearance of the human body deceives us into believing it is central to success and satisfaction. We forget that how we see ourselves internally matters far more for a harmonious existence. As a person made in God’s image, you’re already spectacular amidst worldly standards.
The beauty radiating from within, filled with God’s holiness and wisdom, garners an exceptional level of prestige without any need for physical upkeep. This spiritual charm can never come close to anything provided by slathering cream on our skin or getting plastic surgery. It speaks volumes of its own!
Embodying Jesus’ values elevates your level of attractiveness up one more notch since He is the originator and perfectionist regarding charming features!
Cultivating interior beauty is a surefire way to attract the kind of godly guys you desire. Not only does this intrinsically confident look demonstrate your inner strength – it also draws the type of man who values those qualities. Taking care of the special and unique aspects of yourself shows devotion to developing long-term relationships with healthy potential.
People Do Judge a Book by It’s Cover
Now, here is some additional wise age-old advice: “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:6-8, NIV
Translation, even nice Christian men do care about looks! It can be frustrating, but it’s reality. The good news is you can still maintain your self-respect while dealing with this. So, let’s figure out how to work on inner and outer beauty.
Discover the Power of Visuals
At church, I had a friend who was looking for a partner. She had expressed her desire to meet someone but never really put in the effort to make it happen. I decided to take matters into my own hands and help her out.
After some searching, I found a guy who I thought would be a good match for her. I was excited to introduce them and hoped that it would be the start of something great.
On the day of the meeting, I was excited to see my friend dressed up and ready to impress. But as soon as I saw her, my heart sank. She had shown up in Adidas slides and wore old blue jeans and a simple T-shirt. Her hair was slightly unkempt, and she didn’t seem to have put much effort into her appearance.
I was disappointed and worried that this would turn off the guy I had brought along. It was clear that my friend needed to put in more effort to attract the kind of partner THAT SHE WANTED!
After that encounter, I asked her about her outfit choice. Okay, I might’ve made fun of her for a few days (or months). The point is one day, she showed up looking completely different. I hardly recognized her at first.
She updated her wardrobe, styled her hair, put on makeup, and seemed more confident than ever. It was clear that she had put in the effort to improve her appearance and attract the kind of partner that she wanted.
The Impact of Superficial Visual Changes
While it may seem superficial to focus on appearance, it can make a big difference in how others perceive us. My friend’s transformation made her feel more confident and put her best foot forward in her search for a partner. It showed that she was willing to try to improve herself and make a good impression.
In the end, my friend did end up finding someone who was a good match for her. While appearance isn’t everything, it can help us make a positive first impression and attract the kind of people we want.
2. You’re In The Wrong Location
I have another friend who’s got the best job in a cute town but can’t catch a break in the relationship department. The main issue is that most guys around her age are hitched already. She’s now thinking of taking a bold step: moving to a happening city with better odds, like Chicago, Illinois. It’s a numbers game; there are simply more single guys in a bigger city! I mean, who doesn’t love odds? And I couldn’t agree more – she should go for it!
So let’s talk about finding your life partner. While it’s not exactly a sure thing that heading to Chicago will get you hitched. Increasing your visibility in a sea of singles is a great option. And even if you don’t move to a new city, other strategies exist to “up your chances.” Cut back your work hours, join different groups, or try online dating. The possibilities are endless!
While having more men around is a great start, there might be more to why you are not meeting a guy.
3. Your Behavior Is Turning Men Off
Several behaviors can be major turn-offs for men. For example, some women talk about their ex-boyfriends too much or put themselves down physically, making men uncomfortable or uninterested. Others might be too sarcastic or drink too much, making them seem unapproachable or difficult to connect with. Some women might dominate conversations or be too physically clingy early on in the relationship, making men feel like they’re not being heard or their personal space is being invaded.
The Masculine Energy Turn-Off
Today’s buzzword is masculine energy, which can be a massive turn-off. Let’s briefly dive in:
There are different types of masculine women – some are physically masculine, like female bodybuilders or pro athletes, and those who are mentally masculine, like career women or ardently political culture warriors. While these women are unique in their own right, they may be less attractive to men in certain ways. But why is that? Well, when it comes to heterosexuality, opposites attract! Men and women aren’t just different; we’re opposites, like yin and yang, hot and cold.
Understandably, straight men may not want to date a woman who looks or acts like a man. And on the flip side, why would a woman want a man who looked or acted like a woman? As a rule, guys want their opposite. They want someone who complements them (and compliments them), not someone who competes with them.
Now, of course, there are always outliers. Some men do date masculine women, but it’s not the majority. And even then, the few masculine men who deal with these women are typically extreme outliers themselves and eventually move on because it’s too stressful.
I know this message may be seen as offensive to some, mostly the women it applies to. But let’s be honest – the masculine life path doesn’t yield feminine results. We can learn to accept that and find partners who like us for who we are if a masculine woman wants a feminine man or a literal woman, more power to her! But if she wants a masculine man, that’s cognitive dissonance, meaning your beliefs, wanting a masculine man doesn’t align with your actions, being feminine to attract a masculine man.
If you’re guilty of any of these behaviors, don’t worry – it’s never too late to make some changes. By asking for honest feedback, you can become exponentially more attractive to men.
Sometimes hearing tough feedback can help you avoid scaring off the good ones.
Ask for Feedback
If you’re having trouble finding a partner or keeping one, some things about yourself might turn men off. Unfortunately, unless someone tells you, you might not be aware of these traits. But don’t be too insecure to ask a trusted friend or mentor for some honest feedback.
How to Get Honest Feedback From Someone
Getting honest feedback from someone can be a tricky task. Not everyone is comfortable giving feedback, and not everyone is comfortable receiving it. However, if you want to know why you aren’t attracting the opposite sex, feedback is crucial. Here are some tips for getting honest feedback:
Find Someone You Trust and Respect
The first step in getting honest feedback is finding someone/ people you trust and respect. This could be a close friend or mentor who knows you well and has your best interests at heart. Reach out to them and let them know that you’re looking to gain insight on yourself and are open to their thoughts.
Be Prepared to Listen Intently
Once you’ve found someone to give you feedback, be prepared to listen intently. This means being open to what they have to say without becoming instantly defensive. It’s essential to evaluate what they tell you so that nothing is lost in translation and what really matters isn’t overlooked!
Don’t Take Everything to Heart
It’s essential to keep in mind that there is always a chance some of their comments may not be either helpful or entirely accurate. Don’t take everything to heart! If, however, other people you ask say similar things, it may indicate the need for some changes going forward.
Conclusion
If you are struggling to find with a partner. It could be time for some self-reflection: identifying and addressing behaviors that turn men off can help you become the confident and captivating partner you’re meant to be. Reach out for (brutally) honest feedback and unlock your dating potential today!
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