When a couple doesn’t feel connected or seeks a deeper connection with each other, there are usually one of two things that a marriage and family therapist will work on. The first is communication- perhaps the couple has misunderstandings or faces conflict when trying to work through issues. (If this is your relationship this blog will help you navigate communication).
The second thing that I focus on is intimacy. Intimacy is a multi-dimensional and touches multiple areas. If any of these intimacies are lacking chances are your relationship feels like:
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Intellectual Intimacy- Intellectual intimacy is about creating spaces where you can both be your true selves and have meaningful conversations. When a couple does not have intellectual intimacy they do not share their deepest thoughts. This blog gives you tools to grow your intellectual intimacy
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Emotional Intimacy- Emotional intimacy drives conversations and the “feeling of connection,” without it every other type of intimacy wanes. This blog gives you tools to grow your emotional intimacy
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Spiritual Intimacy– Helps you align your values, morals and life’s standards, enhancing your overall connection. If there is a lack of spiritual intimacy your sense of togetherness or oneness will feel off. This blog gives you tools to grow your spiritual intimacy
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Physical Intimacy- Physical Intimacy is the a direct and tangible expression of a couple’s connection. When your relationship lacks physical intimacy, there is no desire for sexual intimacy and both spouses can make feel lonely or sad.. This blog gives you tools to grow your physical intimacy
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Experiential Intimacy- If a couple does not participate or enjoy shared experiences, they will not have a friendship. There will be no inside jokes or private memories. When experiential intimacy is lacking, the “fun” feeling in the relationship suffers. This blog gives you tools to grow your experiential intimacy
As you can imagine these intimacies play a significant role in an intimate relationship. When a couple doesn’t feel connected and do not feel like they have communication challenges I will immediately recommend intimacy exercises to help to build intimacy or that connection feeling.
A hack/ cheat code for building each of these intimacies is improving your sex life. When our physical affection towards each other is high, building intimacy becomes a little bit more natural and easier, especially for the husband.
Hence this blog…
This blog gives you a list of intimacy exercises that will inadvertently improve each of these areas. Together each action, will synergistically enhance our love making and our connection.
What Is The Difference Between Making Love & Having Sex?
While many people use the phrases ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’ synonymously, it’s important to note that they don’t always mean the same thing. Although making love often involves sexual intercourse, the two terms can signify different activities.
Sex is a biological and instinctual act that anyone can participate in through penetration.
However, making love requires a significant degree of openness, stemming from exchanging emotions and sentiments that one does not openly express to everyone. In this act, both individuals lower their defenses.
In making love, one encounters an unparalleled connection with their partner. It often surpasses mere physical intimacy, offering a chance to interact on a more profound, spiritual plane, fostering a powerful sense of togetherness.
In making love, both parties have experienced each other at their best and worst, enabling them to be wholly authentic and unfiltered, irrespective of the “quality of sex or their performances.” The shared love and understanding permit partners to fully unwind and engage in love making without experiencing any apprehension or constraint.
On the flip side, when simply having sex, the aspect of vulnerability alters. It often derives from anxieties about the performance during the act or worries about diminishing spark. Hence the questions “How was it?” or “Was it okay for you?”
Having sex does not always include emotional intimacy, and people may allow themselves to not be the person they are on the daily.
If you are simply having sex, we recommend you read some of our previous blogs about building intimacy before continuing. Below we will dive into an experiment you and your spouse will perform over the next thirty days.
We believe that if you and your spouse will commit to work through each day at the end of the thirty days, you will:
+ Experience a deeper bond with each other
+ Gain insight into each other’s needs and how to address them
+ Revel in a more thrilling and satisfying sexual relationship
I’m not guaranteeing that all your difficulties will evaporate, nor am I suggesting that this journey will be a breeze. Some parts will indeed be challenging. You’ll likely be nudged out of your comfort zone on numerous occasions. However, isn’t it true that most worthwhile things are difficult and demand effort?
Are you ready to build intimacy?
As you might have guessed, the plan is to practice connection exercises using sexual activity. By the end of these 30 days you will build emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy and physical intimacy, through our intimacy techniques listed below.
Perhaps your relationships are like most relationships and you are looking for some connection exercises for intimacy building. Well look no further, this guide is designed to create physical closeness!
How?
You will have sex on even-numbered days, taking turns to initiate. However, this doesn’t preclude the possibility of being intimate on odd-numbered days. If your sex life is thriving and you both feel inclined every day, then by all means, indulge!
Husbands will initiate sex on days: 2, 6, 10, 14, 18, 22, 26, 30.
Wives will initiate sex on days: 4, 8, 12, 16, 20, 24, 28.
On your day to initiate, you can pick any of the following unused ideas. You’ll notice that some seem more tailored for a husband, while others seem more fitting for a wife. However, feel free to adapt and use them in whichever way suits you best.
What Are Some Intimacy Exercises for Couples?
They are listed in no specific sequence…
1. The Music Maker
Make a playlist of four or five songs you know your wife will enjoy. Have them remove their clothes and lie down on the bed. Give them the headphones to put on. Tell the to avoid talking! If you think they’ll enjoy it, put a blindfold over your partner’s eyes.
Tell them that they are to relax for the next twenty minutes while you slowly caress them all over. Take your time, make sure the room is warm, and keep close physical contact. What happens once the twenty minutes are up is your call. (Note: This will enhance physical intimacy & romance).
2. New Horizons
Whichever of you tends to be the more conservative, less adventurous one— consider trying something tonight that your spouse has mentioned, or you’ve talked about but never tried. I’m not suggesting you do anything you feel is wrong for you. Maybe you can step outside your comfort zone, though. Once you’ve settled on an activity, send your spouse a text, “Tonight, I really want us to ______________.” (Note: This will enhance both emotional and physical intimacy).
3. Oral Delights
If your spouse enjoys receiving oral sex, send a text to let them know what to look forward to. Don’t be afraid to go into detail, arousing their sexual desires! (Note: This is all about sexual intimacy and learning how to give in your relationship).
4. That’s Handy
Maybe you’re feeling tired, but your spouse is in the mood. Have him (or her) lie back and relax. Then use some lubricant to bring them to an orgasm with your hand. (Note: Similar to the above this is a reminder of the beginning of romantic relationships, you know, when two people are always willing to please each other).
5. Countdown
Get one of those plastic sand timers you find in various board games, or use the timer on your phone. Two or three minutes is a good amount of time. Start the timer, take a few deep breaths, make eye contact, then tell your spouse what you’d like them to do for you. When time is up, switch roles, and the other person receives. Do this until you’ve each had three or four turns. Let this serve as foreplay. (Note: While there are many intimacy exercises, this gives a big return as it touches on each are of intimacy)!
6. Quickie
This is another good one for when one of you is tired but would still like to meet your spouse’s needs. There doesn’t always have to be a lot of foreplay. Just get right to it. This is kind of like going through the McDonald’s drive-thru when you’re really hungry and don’t have much time. You wouldn’t want to live on a diet of fast food, but it’ll do in a pinch. (Note: Sometimes you just need to get the job done in an intimate relationship, don’t let kids, work or tiredness stop you)!
7. The Price is Right
Make a list of sexual activities your spouse enjoys, then assign each one a dollar value or a number of points. Then give an amount to work with so they can “purchase” a few sexual delights from you.
8. Hot and Spicy
The key is to build anticipation in your spouse. You can use notes, whispers, phone calls, voice mails, text messages, and pictures to hint at what you have planned. Having something to look forward to after a long, hard day or week can make life a lot more fun and enjoyable. Have a plan to build a sexual connection with your spouse throughout the day. (Note: Remember initially when you flirted, think of this as an intimacy exercise to bring back the art of the tease)!
9. Give Him a Thrill
It’s no secret that men are visual and are bombarded with sexual images throughout the day. Even if a man is resisting the temptation of pornography, he’s still exposed to billboards, magazine covers, television commercials, and attractive co-workers daily.
Why not give your husband you to look at? If your husband is the only audience, it’s okay to be risqué. When no one is looking, open your shirt and flash your breasts. Or if you’re sitting at a stoplight, slide your skirt up to show him you’re not wearing panties. (Note: Think of this as one of many intimacy exercises that will make your partner crave more of you)!
10. Same Position Ban
If you keep going with the same moves and positions in the bedroom, you can easily get tired of the same thing, so add some variety. Try some new positions or places or both. Have sex standing up, sitting, kneeling, or with the woman on top, in a chair, pool, washing machine, or dining room table.
Trying new positions can feel uncomfortable, but finding a new one will work wonders on your sex life. Maybe you take a trip down memory lane and try something you haven’t done lately. Don’t fall into a rut! (Note: Intimate relationships can become boring think of this as one of many intimacy exercises that make it interesting).
11. Naked Communication
Sit facing each other in a comfortable position and make eye contact. As you answer each of the following questions, you each remove one article of clothing. Once you’re naked, the talking is over! If you want to add a little twist, as an area of your spouse’s body is revealed, you may touch that spot to get them aroused while they’re continuing to answer the questions. (Note: There is nothing more vulnerable than communicating naked, watch how this emotional intimacy exercise transforms your relationship).
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You can go anywhere in the world for one week, all expenses paid, where would you go?
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What would you want us to do if we were to dream big and take a step of faith?
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If you could have lived during any other time in history, when would it have been?
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What are three things I do that turn you on?
12. Secret Code
If you and your spouse don’t already have a code language that allows you to quickly and easily discuss sex in front of your kids or in text messages, then start one. It’s fun and comes in handy! Having a secret code and inside jokes helps build communication skills and makes life together more fun!
13. Go For a Record
Guys, this is one for you to do for your wife. You may only be able to have one orgasm at a time, but she’s not limited like you. Have her lie down and get comfortable. This is all about her. Take your time caressing her. Once she’s aroused, use your hand and some lubricant to stimulate her. Bring her to an orgasm. But don’t stop at one. Give her another one. And a third. Keep going as long as she wants. Be sure to stop whenever she says she’s had enough.
14. Place Your Bets
Find something to bet on. A game of cards? Monopoly? A football game? A roll of the dice? The loser sexually serves the winner for 10 minutes.
15. I’ve Got a Coupon
This is an old idea, but it’s still a good one. Make up a half-dozen sensual coupons to give to your spouse. You could include a 15-minute foot massage, 10 minutes of oral sex, a bubble bath, a quickie, or whatever else you know your spouse would enjoy.
16. Welcome Home!
Have you ever seen how a really friendly dog greets you when you come home? They shake all over, their tails wag, they can’t stop rubbing against you or licking you, and sometimes they even pee on the floor because they’re so excited. When was the last time you were genuinely excited to greet your spouse? I’m not talking about being fake. Just be truly happy and express it. Then maybe whisper a few things they have to look forward to.
17. Lights, Camera, Action!
Wives, this one is for you to initiate. Put on whatever lingerie your husband enjoys seeing you in, and tell him to get the camera ready. You can assume various poses or let him direct. If you want to get a little more adventurous, then set up the video camera and let him join in the action. It goes without saying to make sure you password-protect whatever images or video you shoot!
18. Book It
Between work, kids, errands, and all the busyness of life, sex sometimes takes a backseat (Hey, now there’s an idea!). And yet, it’s as important as anything else on your schedule. So if necessary—put it in your calendar as an appointment. Of course, let your spouse know, too. It’ll give you both something to look forward to. It might also get you out of an invitation to something you’d rather not attend. “Oh, I’m sorry, we’ve already got a commitment at that time.” No one needs to know it’s to have sex.
19. Mind Games
It’s true that most men think a lot about sex. If it’s not the thought they’re currently having, then it’s probably the previous one or the next one. As a woman, we can really use this to our advantage. From the time he wakes up in the morning until the time you go to bed, give him things to think about. Give him a squeeze and whisper in his ear before he leaves for work.
Send a few texts during the morning. Call him at lunchtime to let him know what you’ve been thinking about. Send a couple more texts during the afternoon. Maybe a picture, too. Don’t let up once he gets home. That’s the time to start turning up the heat even more. By the way, most men I know would be glad to pitch in more, getting the kitchen cleaned, helping kids with homework, or whatever if they know their wives have been hinting at sex all day. Just something to keep in mind.
20. Look, But Don’t Touch
(This is probably better suited for wives to do, but that’s up to you.) For some people, this won’t be a big deal. For others, it may be outside your comfort zone. To do it, you’ll need a blindfold and some lubricant. Sounds easy enough, right? When it’s time for bed, hand your husband a blindfold and tell him to put it on. Then help him sit down in a comfortable place on the bed.
He can keep his clothes on. For now, anyway. Then get undressed and lie down on the bed so he’ll have a good view of you. Get some lubricant and begin to pleasure yourself. Tell him to remove the blindfold and give him the instructions, “You may look, but don’t touch.” Let him enjoy watching you enjoy yourself.
21. Hot and Wet
Take a shower together before bed, before work, or whenever works best for you. Take time washing each other all over. Whoever initiated this one gets to decide if you head to the bed or finish in the shower. This intimate connection is sure to make you feel connected!
22. Slow and Sensual
This can work for either of you, but guys, this is good for your wife when you’ve got at least an hour of privacy. Longer is even better, so maybe this is a good one for a Saturday afternoon. You’re going to give her a massage. When you’re finished with the massage, let her take a nap. If you’ve got kids, take them to the park or a movie or wherever. This is a great way to serve your wife’s well-being; perhaps bring her back her favorite dessert too!
23. Vibrators
Have you noticed stores like Walmart and Walgreens are carrying sex toys now? Well, maybe not sex toys, but they do have mini-vibrators. Maybe it’s something to add to your shopping list. Consider the addition part of your marriage intimacy exercises!
24. Don’t Move
Have your spouse lie down (standing works just as well) and say, “You’re not allowed to move.” Your job as the giver is to tease, arouse, and pleasure with your hands and mouth. Build their sexual desire!
Commonly Asked Questions
What is intimacy exercise?
Intimacy exercises are activities designed to strengthen the emotional, physical, and even spiritual connection between partners. They’re like workouts for your relationship, fostering closeness and understanding.
How do you build intimacy exercises?
Well, it depends on the type of intimacy you want to enhance. You can create intimacy exercises focusing on emotional connection, physical affection, or shared experiences. The key is to make them enjoyable and tailored to you as a couple, ensuring they promote connection and communication.
What are the 4 types of intimacy?
The four types are emotional, physical, spiritual, and experiential intimacy. Emotional intimacy involves sharing feelings, physical is all about touch and closeness, spiritual involves shared values, and experiential is the adventure you embark on together.
What is the hugging exercise for couples?
Ah, the hugging exercise is a simple yet powerful one. Set aside time each day, maybe 5-10 minutes, and just hug each other. No distractions, just focus on the physical closeness. It’s amazing how something as straightforward as a genuine hug can deepen your connection.
