Returning to Purity:
A Guide for Restoring Your Body and Mind

Hey there!

Have you and your partner ever wondered if it’s possible to “put the brakes on” after boundary lines have already been crossed? Society tells us that once we’ve gone too far, it can seem like there is no return.

But as believers, we know it does not have to be true. God forgives and promises to forget our sins when we come to Him in confession and repentance. So can real emotional freedom be felt practically in this area of life? Can a full return to purity be made?

Joshua and I have worked with many couples in the same situation, and we strive to help them travel that road any way we can. We understand you may need help along the way, so we can provide tips on navigating back from sexual brokenness!

Let's dive into what guidance we may have!

Obtain Purity with Creating a Clear Unified Vision

Establishing boundaries can be a difficult task in a sexual relationship that has already gone too far. If you both agree that purity is essential, it will give you the upper hand in gaining successful control.

This should not just be an agreement between two people but rather with God as well. Adopting the perspective of what’s best for everyone involved, rather than only focusing on our desire for gratification, will help hold boundaries and enhance overall joy and satisfaction.

By accepting it as a moral compass and rallying around the concept of doing things God’s way, intense conversion and maturity awakening can take place for able and motivated parties bound together by one purpose: to refocus on holiness.

If you aren’t both fully on board in the fight for sexual purity, then you will usually push the boundaries. If Christian couples wish to maintain their sexual purity, they must be fully committed and lead their decision-making with God’s Word.

Without the shared desire to follow biblical principles, boundaries on sexual matters may become blurred or nonexistent. Ephesians 5:3 (NIVR) reads, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual sin.”

These sacred instructions leave you no doubt that total commitment to purity demands your full engagement. Anything less than that opens up the door for temptation, setting you and your partner on a slippery slope towards moral lackluster.

Implementing God’s Word as your bedrock showcases an opportunity to go well beyond just knowing “what not to do.” You’ll gain confidence in yourself and build trust with your potential spouse!

Obtain Purity By Creating A Repenting Heart

Having a unified vision for purity involves needing to have repentant hearts. Repenting is making a complete transition away from committing any sort of sin.

Some, unfortunately, see sexual activity as ideal because the emotional attachment that builds seems enjoyable; however, through reconciliation, we can progress toward where we want and need to be in our spiritual journey.

To properly publicly renounce immorality means turning 180 degrees against it and walking out of it towards righteousness, for only through forgiveness from God can one start to move back to a place of purity.

Both members in the relationship must fall under this line of reasoning. In contrast, anything that desires to conflict with that course might potentially break what enthusiasm you created when you originally made the decision to pursue purity.

Obtain Purity with Honesty

If sexual boundaries are to be re-established, openness and honesty is the key. For that to happen, you should make sure that talking about individual areas of weakness or temptation becomes a regular occurrence. 

Acknowledge potential triggers, such as various settings or situations that could lead to an unwanted cycle of temptation and heartache. 

Additionally, remind yourself of which areas you need to avoid, including touches or kisses which need to stay off limits. Being honest in conversations is the most effective way to become comfortable understanding each other’s boundaries and making sure these remain in place.

Obtain Purity By Implementing Practical Boundaries

Finding ways to keep your relationship pure and enjoyable can be difficult. But maintaining a healthy relationship as a couple is possible. One way to ensure your purity is by limiting the temptations that come your way. 

By finding creative, new things to do together that lead far away from potential temptations, not only will those temptations be discouraged, but it is likely that you and your partner will have a much more pleasant and exciting way of interacting with one another!

Finding healthy ways to hang out as a couple that limits the temptations makes purity much more possible and your relationship much more enjoyable.

Practical boundaries to consider:

• Alone time 

Have you ever asked yourself: Is it OK to be alone in a room together? Does spending quality time together open the door for temptation? Is there a chance of getting wrapped up in a moment that goes too far?

• Curfew

Have you ever considered the idea of setting a deadline for when to stop being together or talking on the phone? We call it “Curfew.” My husband always said, “Nothing is open after 10 pm except legs and coney island” (which is a late-night Michigan diner, I believe). The point is, as the night gets darker, making the “right” choices becomes increasingly harder.

• Physical contact 

Our pastor used to say, “You know the best way not to floor a Ferrari? Don’t get in one.” This analogy revolves around the idea that when presented with something that seems so tantalizingly tempting, the best thing is to simply avoid it. 

I know it’s tough to resist temptation once you’ve already had sex. We like to think we’re strong enough to say no, but the truth is, sometimes, we falter. So why even risk crossing the line? Maybe it’s best to avoid physical contact altogether. What are your boundaries? Kissing? Making Out? Touching? Holding Hands? You decide. 

• Social activities

Are you both agreeing on which parties, social activities, or group gatherings are off-limits? Do specific types of events have the potential to bring out old behavior patterns? Should drinking or drugs be kept away from completely or just indulged in consciously? Have you thought about the kind of activities your friends and peers are taking part in that could lead to an old habit triggering?

• Media

Do you ever find that certain TV shows, movies, music, or books take your mind to a tempting place? These things can act as triggers for us. Proverbs 30:17 says, “The eye is the window to the soul.” We must ensure we’re avoiding things that can harm our spirits. So, are there certain things you know that you all should stay away from? 

Obtain Purity By Leveraging Your Network 

When it comes to staying committed to purity, having people you trust in your corner is always good. During our dating years, we made it a point to connect regularly with pastors and mentors whom we looked up to. 

It was great being able to talk through life with them, and they kept us on track. We permitted them to check in on us (with invasive questioning) and ask how we were doing regarding purity. These leaders played a crucial role in keeping us accountable and motivated – they really helped us stay true to our commitment to pursue purity!

Obtain Purity By Pausing At Slip-Ups

We all might slip up and cross a boundary we once set. It’s super important to acknowledge when this happens openly. Even the most well-meaning couples can fall into the trap of compromising their values, and just bad hygiene can lead to compromising situations. 

If you cross a boundary, please don’t skip over it. Don’t let it go unnoticed, or else others might get crossed, leaving your whole relationship in the lurch. 

Instead, take a moment to call a time-out, admit the error, and work together to create a plan that will help guard against future temptations. Everything will be so much better when you’re both on the same page.

Obtain Purity By Acknowledging The Wins 

When you first start to get serious about establishing healthier and more respectful sexual boundaries, be sure to give yourself a pat on the back for the small successes. This will help you stay motivated and truly dedicated. 

Remember the adage “praise what you want repeated”. That way, it’s almost like rewarding yourself each time you stay consistent with your values and get closer to sexual purity. 

Plus, encouraging each other is a fantastic way to build capacity and keep up the discipline over time. With an extra dose of motivation from each other, these gains can add up and compel toward positive progress in this critical area!

Obtain Purity By Becoming A New Creation

When it comes to your sexual experience, you’re at a crossroads. You don’t have to be bound to the weight of your past mistakes. Instead, step into the freedom found in the Word of God! It offers an outlook empowered by newness of opportunity. 

The verses in 2 Corinthians 5:17 reflect this with the beautiful imagery that “the old has gone away, and ‘behold! The new has come'”. This content permit us to identify with being spiritually refreshed through our union with Jesus. So dance through this space called renewal and make yourself part of this tremendous promise as “a new creation.”

Psalm 103:12 reminds us not to feel condemned and burdened by our sins. Through the forgiveness offered to us, God lovingly removed our sin from us “as far as the east is from the west.” 

The writer of Hebrews provides us further consolation; He tells us that despite any remorse or guilt we may feel, God will forever remember our sins no more (Hebrews 8:12)!

You, too, can have the assurance and freedom found in Christ’s sacrifice. If you dwell on regretful choices made in place of sexual purity, choose this minute to align your thoughts and heart with what was already bought for you at the cross– one of liberation and a newfound start! 

Entrust yourself with returning to your commitment to remain free in God’s pure holiness all days thereafter.

Conclusion

Abstaining from sexual activities before marriage is no easy task, but as Christians, we are called to honor the Lord in every area of our lives, including our commitment to sexual purity.

For those who have veered off the path and gone too far, reestablishing boundaries may involve sacrificing certain freedoms during our dating relationship. But this healthy boundary setting will produce good fruit in our present-day lives and blossom into virtuous habits that will carry over into future marriages. 

Several sources of inspiration and encouragement exist when practicing purity before marriage:

• Incorporating local faith-based communities

• Questioning harmful little voices

• Basking in new possibilities for relationships

All of the above ideas combined are what it takes to return to purity. If you focus on implementing each one of these steps, it could bring you closer to returning to the path of leading a God-honoring life.

Remember, be honest with yourself, and do not forget that all things are possible with God. Utilize your friends and family for support when needed. Guilt can be heavy but choose not to dwell in it and instead look at the wins each day.

You won’t regret making these changes for the betterment of yourself!

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