Picture this: you’re cozied up on the couch with your partner, sharing laughs over your favorite TV show. Everything seems perfect until a nagging question creeps into your mind: Is this love or just convenient companionship?
Delving into the depths of your relationship can feel like navigating uncharted waters, but fear not. In this guide, we’ll explore the intricate dance between love and convenience, helping you decipher the true nature of your connection. So, grab a cup of tea, settle in, and unravel the mystery together.
Reevaluating Our Relationship: Is it Love or Familiarity?
Recently a couple messaged us on Instagram asking us for some dating advice.
Here is the scenario:He and his girlfriend had been together for almost six years. They have been through their fair share of ups and downs, break-ups, and getting back together. However, recently he has questioned whether their relationship is based on love or familiarity.
When they first started dating, they had a strong relationship with God. He believes that God brought them together for a reason and that their love for each other is His gift. But over time, they both relaxed their faith, compromised their relationship with God, pushed their boundaries, and started sleeping together. During Covid-19, they decided to move in together to save money and create their pod.
Despite their “perceived” strong commitment to each other, he has some hesitations about getting married. He wonders if they’ve only stayed together this long because they are so familiar with each other. He doesn’t want to get married just because it’s comfortable or convenient but because he truly loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her.
My Experience with Relationship Tension
Over the years, I have met countless couples who have experienced similar tensions in their relationships. Before I met Joshua, I, too, was in a relationship that was more out of convenience than love. It’s easy to get caught up in the comfort of a relationship. You know each other’s routines, have established routines of your own, and may even share household expenses. But, deep down, you have that gut feeling that something is missing.
What is a convenient relationship?
Before delving into the specifics of their relationship, let’s take a moment to examine the concept of “convenience” in relationships. Depending on the context, this term can have positive and negative connotations. On the positive side, convenience can mean that two people have found a relationship that makes their lives easier and more enjoyable. Such relationships may have similar schedules, live close to each other, or share common interests that make spending time together effortless. This type of convenience can be a valuable asset in a relationship.
However, convenience can also be a red flag if it means that one or both partners are settling for a romantic partner that is not fulfilling or satisfying. They stay together out of fear of being alone, having financial dependency, or lacking other options. In these cases, convenience can be a barrier to growth and happiness.
Examining Their Relationship
Our response, based on the brief description we received on Insta: Between being sexually intimate and spending a significant amount of time together you two are now emotionally and sexually close. These factors could be seen as convenient, but they could also indicate a deeper connection between you two.
It’s important to evaluate whether your relationship is based on convenience or genuine love and compatibility.
Consider the following questions to ensure you two are on the same page regarding your relationship:
Do you see a bright future together beyond the comfort of your current situation?
Are you both growing and evolving as individuals within the relationship?
Do you feel fulfilled and supported by each other?
Are you able to communicate openly and honestly?
Do you have similar values and goals?
Are you both willing to work through challenges and conflicts?
Additional Reading: 5 Crucial Relationship Questions Every Couple Should Ask If you can answer “yes” to these questions, then convenience may be a positive aspect of your relationship. However, if you find yourself struggling to answer them, it may be time to reevaluate your situation.
Convenience can be a valuable asset in a relationship, but it can also be a red flag if it means settling for less than you deserve. Take the time to examine your relationship and determine whether it is built on convenience or genuine love and compatibility. Doing so can ensure that your relationship is fulfilling and long-lasting.
The Benefits of Marriage Go Beyond Convenience
In addition to the practical benefits, such as sharing household chores and expenses, marriage offers a deep and meaningful companionship that cannot be found in any other relationship.
The Four Pillars of Marriage
The key benefits of marriage can be broken down into four pillars:
Companionship: Having a partner to share your life with is one of the greatest joys of marriage. Whether it’s sharing a hobby or simply enjoying each other’s company, having a constant companion makes life more fulfilling.
Familiarity: Over time, couples in a marriage become intimately familiar with each other’s quirks and habits. This level of understanding and acceptance can only be achieved through the commitment and dedication that comes with marriage.
Intimacy: Marriage offers a unique level of intimacy that cannot be found in any other relationship. This includes physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, and spiritual intimacy.
Security: Knowing that you have a partner who will always be there for you, no matter what, is a comforting feeling. Marriage provides a sense of security that cannot be found in any other relationship.
Additional Reading:6 Great Books On MarriageLiving Like You’re Married
If you have experienced all four of these pillars in your relationship, then you are already living like you’re married in biblical terms. But what does this mean?
Living like you’re married means that you have a deep and meaningful connection with your partner that goes beyond just a surface-level friendship. It means that you are reaping all the benefits of marriage without committing to each other by making a vow to love and cherish each other before friends and family for the rest of your lives.
Understanding Love and Relationships from a Biblical Perspective
As you seek to navigate the complexities of romantic relationships, it is important to have a solid understanding of what the Bible says about love and how it should guide our actions. In this regard, it is worth examining some key passages of Scripture that speak to the issue.
The Sin of Sexual Immorality
If you are engaging in sexual activity outside of marriage, it is important to understand that this is considered a sin, according to the Bible. This is made clear in passages such as Hebrews 13:4.
While it can be tempting to justify such behavior as a natural expression of your feelings, the truth is that it can have serious spiritual consequences for both you and your partner.
See 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 & 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 for more on this topic.
It is important to understand that if you live in such a way, it’s part of what provides the natural, forward momentum to stay together that you call “convenience.” This can make it challenging to step back and evaluate your relationship objectively.
Defining Love
Another important consideration when it comes to romantic relationships is how we define love. It can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking of love as a constant, self-focused, overwhelming romantic attraction – the kind of love we see in Hollywood movies. However, this is not what the Bible teaches.
Instead, love is primarily an act of the will, characterized by selflessness, sacrifice, and commitment. This is beautifully described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, which speaks to the qualities of love, including patience, kindness, and forgiveness. Jesus demonstrated the ultimate act of love by laying down his life for his friends (John 15:13).
The Importance of Decision-making in Marriage
Choosing to marry someone is one of the most significant decisions a person can make in their lifetime. It’s not just about finding someone attractive or compatible but also about committing to ministering to, caring for, discipling, and self-sacrificially loving your partner until death or Christ’s return.
While attraction and affection are essential components of a relationship, they should not be the only determining factors for marriage. Instead, it should be a selfless decision to serve your partner and serve Christ together with them.
When considering marriage, it’s crucial to think beyond your own desires and needs and consider your partner’s spiritual good as well.
If you’ve been together for a while, it’s important to start thinking deliberately about your future together. Are you both ready for marriage? Do you share the same values and goals? Are you willing to work together to make the marriage successful?
Having an eye toward deciding to marry or break up reasonably soon is essential. This allows you both to move forward in your lives, whether together or apart, with clarity and purpose.