In a world where connection is often sought through digital screens and virtual interactions, the importance of physical intimacy cannot be overstated. Whether you’re navigating the early stages of physical contact in a relationship or looking to enhance physical affection with a long-time partner, the journey toward comfort with physical closeness is a personal and transformative one.
This blog explores the intricacies of fostering a sense of ease and confidence in emotional and physical intimacy, providing insights and practical tips to help you embrace emotional intimacy, which will also strengthen your physical intimacy.
Embark on a journey of self-discovery and relationship enrichment with us as we explore the barriers preventing us from embracing physical intimacy, the reasons behind our fear of physical affection, and the profound impact these factors have on both our mental well-being and our sex life. Join us as we delve into understanding and overcoming these obstacles to foster deeper connections and enhance our physically intimate experiences.
Related Reading: Ideas To Increase Physical Intimacy In Your Relationship
Why am I uncomfortable with physical intimacy?
Uncomfortability with physical intimacy can be rooted in old baggage, such as unresolved parental issues or past encounters with abusive partners. Additionally, experiences with relationships lacking passion or affection may contribute to hesitancy. Addressing these underlying factors is key to fostering comfort and building healthier connections. Let’s dive into these topics below:
What Are The Common Problems That Interfere with Intimacy?
Letting go of remnants from past relationships is challenging, as we often carry old baggage and scars from experiences gone awry. It’s crucial to confront this history and understand its impact on current relationships to move forward and cultivate a healthy, satisfying physical and emotional connection with your present partner. Here are a few categories of past relationships and issues that might obstruct your capacity for genuine intimacy with your current partner.
An Abusive Partner(s) Interferes with Physical Intimacy
If you’ve experienced any form of abuse from a past partner – whether physical, mental, or verbal – it can be challenging to engage in physically intimate behaviors and even more difficult to establish emotional intimacy with a new partner. It’s crucial to acknowledge that the responsibility for the abusive actions lies with the abuser, and you are not accountable for their behavior.
It’s important not to assume that your current partner will treat you the same way, recognizing that each person and relationship is unique. Building trust in a new relationship involves understanding that your past does not dictate your present or future experiences. Furthermore it’s worth avoiding engaging in sexual intimacy with said person until you establish a deeper connection. (FYI: Avoid a physical relationship with anyone until you establish a deeper connection).
Related Reading: How To Move On After An Abusive Relationship
Previous Relationships That Lacked Passion Interfere with Physical Intimacy
If you’ve been in a past relationship lacking excitement, breaking free from that status quo may require extra effort to rediscover the passionate and vibrant side of yourself. If negative experiences and attitudes from previous relationships are weighing you down, seeking the guidance of a counselor or therapist can be a valuable step. They can assist you in addressing these issues, allowing you to give your current or future relationship an optimal chance for success.
Parental Challenges Interferes with Physical Intimacy
Problematic parental relationships can pose a lifelong challenge to achieving happiness in your relationships if not properly addressed. Issues such as parental abandonment, abuse, emotional aloofness, or excessive attachment can create obstacles.
Whether it’s a lack of emotional connection or an overly attached parent, these dynamics can impact your ability to commit to a romantic relationship fully. Addressing and learning to navigate these challenges is essential for fostering healthier connections in your current and future relationships.
Related Reading: Why The Attachment Styles We Learned As Kids Effect Us As Adults
How Parental Challenges Interfere with Physical Intimacy
Picture This: When Bridget was young, her mom didn’t pay attention to her when she cried for things she wanted. So, Bridget learned that asking for what she wanted wasn’t safe. Now, when she’s with George, she hopes he’ll pull her hair during foreplay (click here for 9 tips to better foreplay).
But she’s too scared to ask because she worries George might ignore her. So, she tries to ignore her sexual desire and focuses on enjoying their physical intimacy together.
The problem is that Bridget can’t stop thinking about her real desire and can’t fully enjoy any of George’s physical touch. Instead of being present in the moment with her lover, she’s stuck in her head, worrying about what to do.
Note: When you try to ignore a feeling, it often sticks around. This is especially true if the feeling is connected to a childhood-based fear that needs to be addressed and healed.
Being intimate with your partner can be a good way to face and acknowledge your fears. Even though it might not seem enjoyable, it’s essential. When you’re able to talk about your fears with your partner, it’s a big step toward healing whatever hurt you when you were younger.
Common Fears That Interfere with Physical Intimacy
Everyone has a couple of fears they really don’t like. For some, it’s being rejected. For others, it’s feeling abandoned or betrayed. Some are afraid of not being understood or listened to, while others fear being suffocated or controlled. These fears often start when we’re kids, but they can still affect us as adults, even in the bedroom.
Learning To Conquer Your Fear
If you’re in a situation like Bridget’s, start by reassuring yourself that the beliefs you learned as a child about what’s safe and unsafe aren’t necessarily true anymore. Back then, when you were young and relied on others, it was scary if you asked for something and were ignored. But things are different now.
As a child, you relied entirely on the adults around you for survival. But now, as an independent adult, you can take care of yourself. If Bridget asks George to stroke her hair and he doesn’t respond the way she hoped, or if he does but not exactly how she wanted, she’ll be okay.
Therefore, the belief that it’s unsafe to ask for what you want is an outdated notion that Bridget now has the chance to overcome. Even if she asks and doesn’t receive what she desires, the act of asking brings her back into the present moment with herself and her partner.
Related Reading: How To Create An Emotionally Safe Relationship
Note: The healing process doesn’t necessarily come from receiving what you ask for but rather from the act of asking itself, which is a form of self-affirmation. As adults, we affirm and validate ourselves rather than relying on others to make us happy, which is something children do.
If you choose to take the chance and express your desires, it’s helpful to communicate that you’re experiencing some fear related to asking. Letting your partner know your fears are about yourself and not about them can prevent them from taking your feelings personally.
Regardless of which of these issues is affecting your physical intimacy, it’s essential to work through them and release them. Whether you’re in a new relationship or seeking a change, it all begins with letting go of what’s holding you back and adopting new ideas or habits. As you release those mental barriers, continue reading to discover how to overcome the physical obstacles that may be hindering your sexual intimacy.
How do I become comfortable with physical affection?
Many of us feel uncomfortable with physical affection because we don’t love how we look, which affects how we feel. This self-consciousness can prevent us from fully relaxing and enjoying physical intimacy. Here are some tips to help you become more comfortable in your own skin:
Learn to Love Your Body
It’s crucial to emphasize that learning to appreciate and accept your body is essential for physical affection. Not only will it enhance your sexual intimacy, but it will also benefit every aspect of your life. Individuals with a positive relationship with their bodies are more likely to prioritize healthy habits such as proper nutrition, regular exercise, and overall well-being without obsessing over minor details.
Reaching a point of full acceptance and love for your body, where you can truly cherish and care for it, might be difficult. Factors like your family background, the pressures of contemporary life, and your own ideals of perfection could hinder your journey toward complete acceptance.
Once you recognize the negative beliefs you hold about your body and understand where they came from, you can begin the process of cultivating more self-love. By appreciating and accepting your body as it is in the present moment, you can gradually shift those negative attitudes. Taking action now to love yourself can prevent future regrets and lead to a more fulfilling life.
Be Open to Improvement
Loving your body doesn’t mean ignoring areas where you’d like to see improvement. It’s about embracing your body as it is while also working towards positive changes. Finding enjoyable physical activities can help you improve your fitness, mental well-being, and self-esteem.
Even better, consider activities that you and your partner can enjoy together, promoting both health and quality time. Take note of how often you stress about what your partner might think of your physical attributes, whether it’s your body shape, muscles, or other features.
Take note of how you criticize yourself internally. Then, challenge those negative thoughts. Remind yourself of what you appreciate about your body. By acknowledging the blessings you possess, you can embark on the path to loving and respecting your body just as it is, and as you do, watch your physical intimacy increase.
A Body Image Exercise
When you realize that you are the one limiting yourself, you can reclaim your strength and find your liberation. If you acknowledge that some beliefs from your childhood no longer serve you as an adult, you can choose to regain your energy and embrace the joy of bodily pleasure. Here’s a straightforward exercise that can benefit you in various aspects of your life:
- Picture a moment when you felt truly confident and capable.
- Shut your eyes and take deep breaths into your stomach, holding onto that positive feeling.
- Now, envision feeling that same confidence and strength in your body. Embrace this feeling for a few minutes.
This simple exercise can greatly enhance your sexual intimacy. Remember to show yourself love and appreciation!
Take Care of Yourself
In our hectic lives, it’s easy to forget to honor and cherish our bodies. But we feel better about ourselves when we treat our bodies as sacred. This sense of reverence allows us to fully experience the pleasure of sexual intercourse.
Time is a precious commodity; nowadays, our schedules are busier than ever. Commutes are longer, there are more school activities to attend, and most households have two incomes instead of just one like in the past.
It’s common for adults to prioritize everything else over themselves in a day. Self-care often gets pushed to the bottom of the list between taking care of children, managing jobs, preparing dinner, handling household chores, and all the other tasks. However, it’s important to remember that if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for others effectively.
As the caretaker you’re relied upon, taking care of yourself is even more crucial. When it comes to time management, it’s all about priorities. Just like you schedule meetings, work, and social events, why not schedule time for self-care activities like a long, sensual bath? By prioritizing your own well-being, you can ensure that you have time for the things you truly value.
Value yourself just as you value other important things in your life. Make it a habit to plan time for yourself and schedule it in your calendar. Consistently prioritizing self-care will become a natural part of your routine.
Self Care Ideas
- Indulge in a luxurious bath ritual. Play some soothing music and enjoy a glass of sparkling apple cider. Add a few drops of essential oil and bubble bath to the tub, and sprinkle in some fresh rose petals for a touch of elegance.
- Take some time to do gentle stretching or yoga, and don’t forget to pamper your feet with a pedicure or massage.
Whatever it is, find something special for yourself and make time to enjoy it. Taking care of yourself will benefit everyone around you.
Related Reading: How To Practice Self Love
The Best Body Image Exercise: Finally Conquer Those Body Image Issues
Set aside an hour of quiet time just for yourself. Take a shower or a bath and wash yourself with care, feeling the sensations on your thighs, chest, buttocks, and face. Let your fingertips glide gently over your skin, savoring each touch.
Allow your fingers to relish the sensation of touching your own body. After drying off, wrap yourself in a soft robe. Then, head to the room with the largest mirror in your home and follow these steps:
- Look gently into your eyes in the mirror for a few moments, even if it initially feels a bit strange.
- Offer yourself a soft smile and take deep breaths.
- Open your robe slightly and carefully observe your body in the mirror. Take your time to notice the parts you appreciate. Consider why you like each part. Did a partner express admiration for it?
- Make a note of the areas of your body that you appreciate and the reasons behind your admiration. Then, consider the parts you’re not satisfied with and why. Reflect on whether these feelings are genuinely yours or influenced by societal norms dictating appearance.
- If you have any criticisms about your body, vocalize them. Repeat them until you recognize that they are merely complaints. We may begin to feel somewhat silly when we repeat a complaint over and over again. Give it a try now; really let it out: complain, complain, and complain! After you’re done, check in with yourself. Sometimes, just expressing a feeling can help it fade away or shift.
- Can you now look at your body with a bit more acceptance and love? Take a moment to gaze in the mirror once more. Relax, smile, and appreciate yourself for reaching this new level of understanding.
Now that we have conquered the mental and physical parts of physical intimacy let’s dive into the sexual aspect of being physically intimate.
How can I make intimacy more comfortable?
Sometimes, we’re uncomfortable with sexual intimacy because we’re not in tune with ourselves sexually. If we don’t know what turns us on or off, there is no way for us to expect our partners to know. Here are some tips to help you become more comfortable with yourself as a sexual being:
Discover Your Erotic Presence
Some individuals might benefit from assistance in revealing their erotic essence, the way they naturally express their sensuality. This doesn’t mean you have to become seductive or coy, but rather to recognize and embrace your inherent capacity for eroticism. Observing grace, energy, and confidence can hint at an erotic essence. Take a moment to recognize your own style and consider how you can enhance it.
When you’re dancing, for example, try to intensify your movements. Don’t worry about perfect technique; focus on immersing yourself fully in the rhythm and flow of the dance. Let the energy course through you and embody the dance itself.
If you’re hesitant about expressing your erotic presence, try dancing in the comfort of your own home, just for yourself. Pick a time and a place where you have privacy. Both men and women can enhance the experience by dressing in something like a sarong or other attire that feels a bit sensual. Grab a scarf, hat, or feather boa to add flair to your movements. Play music with a strong beat and let yourself move to the rhythm. You can even dance in front of a mirror if you want to.
Related Reading: Discover How You Express Yourself Sexually
Do a Body Wave
Relax and let yourself move freely. Experiment with new moves. Wave your arms, keep them light, and loosen up your pelvis with some body waves. Stand with your feet slightly apart and bend your knees. Then, relax and gently stick your bottom out before swinging your hips forward.
As you get more comfortable, allow your upper body to follow the wave motion. Let your spine loosen up, allowing the wave to travel up to your neck and head. Move slowly and gradually smooth out the movements as you practice. Relax your head and let your arms move naturally with the flow.
Learn About Erogenous Zones To Enhance Physical Intimacy
Your entire body can be an erogenous zone, meaning it’s capable of feeling pleasure from touch. However, some areas are more sensitive than others. Generally, the body’s erogenous zones can be divided into three types:
1. Primary (first-degree) erogenous zone.
These include the mucous membrane tissues that comprise the lips, genitals, and nipples. These areas include the anus, penis, vaginal lips, and inside the outer third of the vagina. These parts of the body have lots of nerves near the skin’s surface, making them very sensitive to physical contact.
2. Secondary (second-degree) erogenous zone.
These areas have fewer nerves and experience less sensitivity to physical touch compared to the primary erogenous zones, but they are more sensitive than areas entirely covered by hair. These parts have a sparse amount of hair and are often found in the regions next to the third-degree areas. These zones vary from person to person but commonly include the neck, ears, lips, inner thighs, lower back, and abdomen.
3. Tertiary (third-degree) erogenous zone.
These are the skin areas with hair, such as the arms, legs, and parts of the chest, which have fewer nerve endings and are even less sensitive to physical touch compared to other erogenous zones. However, the ends of the hair follicles, down under the skin, help stimulate the nerve endings buried near them and, if touched, licked, or stimulated in the right way, can build sexual tension.
Now that you know what your zones are, experiment. Learn what you and your partner like and don’t like. Discover which touches excite you and which ones don’t.
Conclusion
In conclusion, becoming more comfortable with physical intimacy involves addressing our mental health and physical barriers. By cultivating a positive body image and understanding our own sexual preferences, we can overcome insecurities and fully enjoy a physical connection with our partners.
Experimenting with touch (not necessarily sexual) and exploring our erogenous zones allows us to enhance our capacity for pleasure over time. We can foster deeper connections and enrich our intimate experiences with patience, communication, and willingness to explore.
