Unraveling His Heart: What Is Intimacy to A Man!
All romantic relationships desire intimacy. However, intimacy is frequently misconstrued as being synonymous with sex or some sort of sexual attraction. Nevertheless, individuals can engage in sexual activities without being intimate. Generally, intimacy means a deep understanding of another person while also feeling deeply understood and able to express oneself.
However, from an early age, men learn to suppress any sign of vulnerability that impedes their ability to experience emotional closeness, and true emotional intimacy inevitably requires a level of vulnerability, hence why most men struggle with intimacy.
It’s crucial to understand that even though men might struggle with expressing their emotions, it doesn’t imply they lack the desire or need for emotional intimacy.
Before we dive into what intimacy means to a man, let’s talk about two things that greatly impact developing intimacy and the “feeling” of emotional closeness:
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Men’s biggest fear
Men’s Biggest Need & Fear
The most profound need of a man’s soul is to be recognized as competent. Your spouse needs to be acknowledged for his skills. Conversely, men have a deep-rooted fear of inadequacy. There’s nothing more immobilizing for a man than the thought of being perceived as lacking, unskilled, or clumsy.
Recommended Reading: 104 Reasons To Be Grateful For Your Man! A man’s gravest fear is that he isn’t sufficient or that he’s incapable. To compensate for this fear, he focuses on enhancing his power and proficiency. Success, accomplishment, and efficacy are his primary pursuits. Fear of incompetence drives a man towards areas where he excels while steering clear from those where he doesn’t.
A man will carefully structure his life into compartments, spending most of his time in areas where he can achieve success. The urge to succeed is so potent that he will seek out areas of comfort and ignore those that perplex him or make him feel unsuccessful.
This essentially sums up the essence of your husband’s soul. He will naturally pursue experiences that make him feel adept while shying away from situations that could potentially make him feel inept. If he can’t win, he doesn’t want to participate. Your husband’s need to be competent can become a source of frustration for you.
For instance, if your husband decides to remodel a bathroom, but a year later, all he’s done is tear down the old wallpaper and make a few holes in the Sheetrock. The bathroom looks awful, and you can’t seem to get him to progress on the project. You might assume he’s lazy, but in reality, he may be hesitant because he feels incompetent.
He’s cornered himself—he claimed he could do the job, but now he’s reconsidering. His options include:
1. Start the job and openly display his incompetence
2. Ask for help from a friend, admitting he needs support
3. Admit the task is beyond him and hire a professional
4. Ignore the bathroom and focus on other things he’s good at
What do most men do in this situation? The fourth option.
They avoid the “remodel bathroom” task and spend their time engaging in activities they’re confident about—work, hobbies, and entertainment. By never attempting a task where he might fail, your husband shields himself from being exposed as incompetent. It’s his inherent protector instinct at play again, safeguarding him from the humiliation he’d face if his inadequacy were revealed.
Build Intimacy Tip #1
Do Not Make Your Man Look, Feel Or Seem Stupid/ Incompetent… Especially In Front Of Others!
Mutual Contentment: Men desire their partners to feel happiness and pride in them, covering all life facets. They yearn for you to appreciate everything, from the intimate moments to your overall life together. Women, your husbands genuinely strive to make you happy. When a wife finds joy in her husband’s deeds, it fosters a sense of desirability in him. It sends a message to him that says, “I value you as my man!”
Recommended Reading: 56 Mind-Blowing Ways to Shower Him with Praise!Build Intimacy Tip # 2
Complaining About Your Life Will Demotivate Your Man. A Man Wants You To Be Happy, And When He Only Hears How Unhappy You Are, He Will Stop Trying.
Connection: Building a connection within the confines of the bedroom is typically achieved through sexual relations. For many men, sex fosters a bond similar to the sense of connection women often derive from conversation or shared household responsibilities. It’s really as simple as that.
Beyond the bedroom, for a woman to truly connect with her husband, she needs to understand and value what matters to him. This could be his work, sports, personal beliefs, hobbies, or hidden emotions. When a wife acknowledges these aspects of her husband’s life, shows interest in them, and provides space for him to indulge in them, she hits a connection jackpot! Such understanding makes a man feel seen and connected. The bond you form with your husband will increase his emotional dependence on you.
Recommended Reading: Using Activities To Bring You Closer!Build Intimacy Tip # 3
Step Into Your Husband’s World. Listen To Him, Touch Him, Encourage Him. Set Everything Else Aside And Focus Solely On Him. This Will Make Him Feel Important.
Responsiveness: When a husband’s attempts at connection, whether emotionally or sexually, are rejected by his wife, he may interpret her disinterest as a sign that she doesn’t appreciate him or consider his needs important. This can result in feelings of insignificance and neglect.
For sex, specifically when a husband’s sexual approach is refused, he often experiences emotional rejection. Contrary to common misconceptions, men can be highly sensitive, particularly when it comes to intimacy. If a wife responds to her husband’s sexual needs, he feels cherished. On the other hand, if these needs are overlooked or explicitly denied, he may feel unloved and undesired.
Her indifference or complaints can cause him pain. For many men, sex serves as their conduit to experiencing closeness.
Recommended Reading: How Intimacy Issues Happen!Build Intimacy Tip #4
Do Not Reject Your Men’s Sexual Advances. You Will Erode The Bond You Share. If You Must Tell Him What You Are Doing And That At Such And Such Time You Will Be Able To!
Now that we better understand men, we can dive into intimacy and how to develop intimacy with a man.
Recommended Reading: What To Do If You're Not In The Mood!Types Of Intimacy
What Is Emotional Intimacy To A Man?
In many societies, men are conditioned to conform to rigid notions of masculinity, often leaving them unable to articulate their feelings the same way women do.
However, it’s a common misconception that men don’t openly display their emotions. In reality, as a society, women are taught to openly express their feelings whereas men are taught to reveal their feelings.
How can you connect emotionally with a man?
Enter men’s biggest fear. A man will reveal their emotions easier if they can do so in a way that still makes them feel competent.
One of the best ways to get your man to engage in emotional intimacy is to connect with the things that he loves and enjoys and ask him questions about the said activity to reveal the emotions or feelings; in doing so, you can better understand him.
For example, My husband likes to go to the gun range. Now if we do not talk, I can simply think my husband likes shooting guns, but there is more to it.
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When I went to the gun range with my husband (even though I didn’t want to), I allowed him to show me “how to shoot,” boosting his ego and allowing him to display his competence to me.
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After the gun range, I found him to be relaxed and in a relatively great mood.
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Ask Questions!
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Babe, what was the thing that we shot (once again affirming ego)
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What does it feel like for you to shoot?
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What are you thinking about when you shoot?
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How come you enjoy shooting?
In asking questions about something that he loves and enjoys, I actually learned that he likes shooting because he cannot think about anything else. He is typically stressed and worried about a plethora of things, and he literally does not think about those things at the gun range. In this conversation, I was able to learn about his biggest stressors and why.
Build Emotional Intimacy By:
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Doing Activities He Enjoys- join your partner in the things he enjoys; this could be cooking, traveling, working out, or watching sports. He will become excited and want to relate with you as you join in.
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Asking Open Ended Questions- be curious about you, man. When you participate in what they enjoy, you can discover what drives them, why they like this activity, does this reminds them of their childhood. Whatever it is, use this time to understand why they do what they do! Open ended questions will get them talking and as a result feel loved by you.
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Spending Quality Time Together- A byproduct of you doing the things he enjoys is you spend time together. Use the time you spend to connect with them, no kids, no family members, no phones, no technology, no multitasking; show them they are number 1!
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Responding- in the moments where your man tells you about things, do not belittle, laugh or make him feel less; in doing so, your man will likely not allow you into those areas for some time. Remember, he wants to feel and be competent, especially in front of you, therefore provide a safe space and emotional support whenever he’s vulnerable.
What happens when you build emotional intimacy?
When a relationship has emotional intimacy, it goes beyond mere physical attraction and involves cultivating a deeper level of intimate connection with your partner. When two individuals are emotionally intimate, they can share their feelings, thoughts, and vulnerabilities without hesitation, strengthening the bond between them.
This emotional intimacy often enhances the sexual component of the relationship, leading to more satisfying and meaningful sexual experiences. When the couple has sex oxytocin, known as the bonding hormone, will release which plays a significant role in promoting this emotional and physical closeness, further reinforcing the intimate connection at a deeper level.
Ultimately, viewing intimacy as a multifaceted aspect that encompasses emotional and sexual elements allows for a richer and more fulfilling connection with others in our lives.
Related Reading: How To Create Intimacy Fast!What is Physical Intimacy To A Man?
Physical intimacy spans a wide spectrum, from simple acts like holding hands or a gentle touch on the shoulder to more intimate actions like cuddling, caressing, and sexual relations. It fosters trust and cultivates feelings of warmth and closeness between individuals, contributing to emotional wellness and fulfillment in diverse relationships.
Though physical intimacy often brings to mind sexual intimacy, the two aren’t synonymous. Physical intimacy encompasses any form of touch or closeness between people, whereas sexual intimacy refers specifically to physical intimacy of a sexual nature, including sexual intercourse.
How can you connect physically with a man?
In an intimate relationship, one way relationship problems occur is through how men and women view physical intimacy. For a man, there is no difference between physical intimacy and sexual intimacy. Although you can start with a massage or a caress, chances are very high that he will become aroused and will want sex. The key is to remember responsiveness… allow it to lead there.
Build Physical Intimacy By:
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Responding- when he pursues you sexually, acknowledge and oblige. Physical & sexual intimacy with you will also give him permission to be more vulnerable with you in other areas as well.
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Avoiding No- avoid saying things like no, not right now, I’m too tired… If you are going to reject your husband, you can still build physical intimacy by holding hands and saying let me put the kids to sleep, and then I will (insert whatever you will do). In doing so, you will protect his feelings.
Recommended Reading: How To Create Intimacy Fast!Remember, for men in an intimate relationship, intimacy often starts from feeling desired and appreciated for their actions!
Conclusion
Intimacy in relationships encompasses emotional intimacy, spiritual intimacy, experiential intimacy, physical intimacy, creative intimacy, and intellectual intimacy. Romantic love blossoms through emotional closeness, trust, vulnerability, and a deep connection with a partner.
It involves feeling understood, appreciated, and supported, as well as being able to express feelings and desires openly without fear of judgment.
Physical intimacy: The physical aspect plays a key role for men to develop intimacy. However, when two people enter strictly a sexual relationship, it may be hard to discover how to grow intimacy. In such cases, we recommend a relationship coach or a relationship counsellor.
Spiritual Intimacy: for most spiritual intimacy can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’ve never prayed, fasted, mediated, or experienced worship together. However, this plays a big role in how a man sees his purpose long-term.
Emotional Intimacy: remember it takes time to develop emotional intimacy. For most people spending time together in different ways (i.e. working out, dinners, hanging with friends, etc.) develops a strong connection on an emotional level.