The closeness you share with someone shapes the nature of your relationship with them, and the forms of intimacy we encounter set the parameters for our relationship or our anticipations of it.
For example, you probably have:
–Emotional intimacy with friends and family (people that have known you for some time), where you discussed your feelings and shared some tears.
–Physical intimacy with friends, family, and spouse where you may hug, cuddle, or show other signs of physical affection.
–Intellectual intimacy with classmates or at work as you discuss things you learn or practice daily.
–Spiritual intimacy with your church friends or small group where you discuss things that deal with the divine.
–Experiential intimacy with friends, family, and spouse as you take trips and explore places and activities together.
-Creative intimacy with a group of people where you feel free to explore new ideas and seek ways to bring something to life.
–Sexual intimacy with your spouse.
While many of us may not explore every level of intimacy with our partners, relationships tend to be most fulfilling when all forms of intimacy are embraced and combined.
What happens if you lack one type of intimacy?
Issues can emerge if one type of intimacy is overlooked, particularly if your partner craves different forms. This is why a robust relationship requires more than just satisfying sexual encounters. Each intimacy creates a different kind of closeness, essential for a balanced and fulfilling relationship.
As you might surmise, disentangling the various forms of intimacy can be challenging. This difficulty could be the reason why some individuals find engaging in casual sexual encounters problematic.
Are There Issues When There Is Only Sexual Intimacy Present?
Some individuals may feel particularly hurt when their partners initiate physical contact only in the pursuit of sexual intimacy. These partners crave non-sexual expressions of affection, such as hugs, kisses, cuddles, and hand-holding, not just as precursors to sexual activity but as standalone acts of love and closeness. If an effort is solely directed toward sexual intimacy, it can lead a partner to feel objectified or used merely for sex.
Interestingly, researchers have found that higher levels of intimacy are associated with stronger sexual desire, which is, in turn, associated with higher odds of sex with your partner.
In other words, ignoring other intimacies in your relationship could hurt your sex life.
Learn Vulnerability
Engaging in every part of intimacy, regardless of which type, necessitates a degree of vulnerability. If individuals find it difficult to expose their vulnerable side, their relationships will be deprived of deep intimacy.
Individuals who fear vulnerability often perceive it as a sign of weakness that might expose them to potential harm. To safeguard themselves, they may build metaphorical walls for safety. This fear is frequently rooted in past traumas, which can paint the world as threatening and erode trust in others.
However, embracing vulnerability can have positive effects. It can enhance confidence and courage, even when faced with fear, and foster joy, creativity, and a sense of worthiness. Overcoming this fear involves understanding personal triggers, practicing self-compassion, and being gentle with oneself.
When couples begin to accept vulnerability, they pave the way to delve into profound levels of intimacy. Here are some examples to guide you in nurturing and developing those deeper levels of spiritual, emotional, intellectual, physical, experiential, and creative intimacy. Make the most of them.
What Are Examples of Intimacy?
1. Embark on a Grocery Shopping Journey Together
Transform routine tasks into delightful shared experiences with your partner. Even the simplest errand, like grocery shopping, can become a playful and enjoyable adventure when done together. After all, navigating the supermarket aisles is always more engaging with a partner by your side.
2. Create Shared Traditions
The power of rituals lies in their ability to foster unity and a sense of belonging; developing shared traditions with your partner can have the same effect. It creates a unique bond that’s exclusively yours and provides a comforting reference point that brings you back to a shared sense of stability and connection.
3. Create Culinary Magic Together
Co-creating fosters a deep connection, especially something as essential as a meal. It’s not just about following the recipe together but also about engaging in meaningful conversations and cherishing quality time with one another.
4. Workout Together
Activities that trigger the release of serotonin and dopamine – the brain’s ‘feel-good’ hormones – are incredibly effective when cultivating intimacy. Unsurprisingly, exercise is one such activity. Engaging in a workout session together allows you both to experience this surge of happiness simultaneously. Over time, you’ll subconsciously link these euphoric feelings with your partner’s presence.
5. Indulge in a Classic Romantic Dinner Date
The timeless charm of a candlelit dinner, delectable cuisine crafted by expert chefs, enticing cocktails, and intimate conversations form the quintessential recipe for a romantic date. While it may seem traditional, these classic elements continue to resist the test of time, offering an undeniably enchanting experience.
6. Watch Tv/ Movies
Immersing yourselves in a beloved movie or TV show is a fantastic way to strengthen your bond. Opting for comedies can be particularly beneficial as they uplift our spirits and stimulate our hearts, muscles, and lungs through laughter. Moreover, hearty laughs trigger the release of endorphins – another ‘feel-good’ hormone – in the brain. Romantic films, too, can evoke a sense of joy and happiness.
6. Cuddle
Cuddling a simple act of closeness and affection, has various scientifically proven benefits. For starters, it helps to ease stress and may even contribute to heart health 1. Cuddling releases hormones like oxytocin, also known as the ‘bonding’ hormone, which enhances our connection with our partner and the world around us.
7. Engage in Slow Dancing Together
The act of slow dancing with your partner can greatly enhance intimacy. This shared experience allows both individuals to engage in a non-verbal form of communication, where movements and rhythm speak volumes about feelings and emotions. The physical closeness combined with the shared love for music can foster deeper connections, making this a beautiful and intimate activity to indulge in together.
8. Indulge in a Sensual Massage
A sensual massage is another wonderful way to boost intimacy, combining the benefits of increased skin-to-skin contact and prolonged foreplay. As your body unwinds, so does your mind, creating a tranquil state that enhances feelings of closeness and connection.
9. Embrace the Power of Hugging
Hugging is a form of physical closeness that we commonly share with various individuals, although it may not appeal to everyone. A warm hug serves as a tangible demonstration of affection and provides a sense of being cared for. There’s an indescribable comfort in a deep, tight hug that seems to dissolve stress from your body.
10. Clean Each Other
It can be a profoundly intimate gesture when you bathe your partner or wash their hair. Concentrate on nurturing and caring for your partner to cultivate this as a non-sexual intimacy. This activity is not merely a prelude to sex but truly about aiding them in feeling refreshed and cared for. You can extend this intimate ritual by gently shaving their body, patting them dry, brushing their hair, and assisting them in getting dressed.
11. Pursue and Accomplish Shared Dreams
Achieving a set target sparks a dopamine rush, filling us with an unparalleled sense of accomplishment. Strategizing and fulfilling these objectives with your partner creates a shared euphoria, fostering a unique bond through shared victories.
12. Hold Hands
Holding hands is a tender gesture, offering another means to appreciate a physical connection with your partner without it becoming overly intimate. Similar to cuddling, the act of intertwining fingers stimulates our dopamine and serotonin receptors. Furthermore, when we interlace hands with someone else, it instills feelings of being cherished, safeguarded, and desired – all of which contribute significantly to our mental well-being.
13. Kiss
Kissing may be a boundary for some; if you’re among them, feel free to move on. However, for those who are comfortable with it, kissing indeed serves as the epitome of non-sexual intimacy. It stimulates the heartbeat and fuels our passions.
14. Expressing Love and Admiration Verbally
Individuals value spoken acknowledgments. Such affirmations can make our hearts flutter with joy. However, merely uttering pleasant words toward your partner without any genuine sentiment or affection may not yield the desired effect. On the other hand, heartfelt moments accompanied by sincere expressions of love can create a magical and reassuring atmosphere.
15. Have Sensual Conversations
Initiating sensual conversations might initially feel awkward or even comical, particularly if you are new to it. However, such spicy dialogue can elevate a sexual encounter from satisfactory to exhilarating. When introducing sensual conversations during intimate moments, the key aspects to remember are to avoid overthinking, let the words flow spontaneously, and abstain from self-criticism or judging your partner.
16. Linger After Intimacy
Rushing off immediately after sex can potentially harm the intimacy between you and your partner. Therefore, spending some time together post-sex is advisable to maintain that connection. Post-sex intimacy doesn’t strictly imply cuddling. It could involve falling asleep alongside or within each other’s embrace. Alternatively, you could stay in bed and engage in conversation rather than hastily leaving the room to tidy up.
17. Dress Up
Occasionally, consider swapping out sweatpants and oversized t-shirts for something more visually pleasing, whether you’re just heading to Costco or having a laid-back evening at home. Looking good often translates into feeling good; when we feel good, our interactions with our partners are inevitably more enjoyable!
18. Romanticize At-Home Dinners
Having a meal at home can provide an excellent chance to cultivate a romantic ambiance. Bring out your finest dinnerware and light some candles. Choose to dine in the elegance of your dining room rather than in the kitchen or casually in front of the TV! Add to the ambiance by dimming the lights, playing music, and enjoying a romantic meal at home.
19. Talk About the Deep Things
Discussions about our most profound thoughts can invigorate our intellectual senses. We can explore subjects such as divinity, the afterlife, paranormal entities, or the purpose of existence, allowing for a comparison of diverse perspectives. It’s not often that people delve into deep dialogues about philosophical ideas. Yet, it can foster a unique intimacy through intellectual connection when they do.
The beauty of intimacy is that it comes in many forms and flavors. You might engage in activities with your loved ones that foster a deep sense of closeness, which we may not have mentioned here.
That’s perfectly fine, as long as it suits you. What matters most is that if you’re missing intimacy, you can (re)build it with all these ways to be intimate with your partner.
Establish Relationship Guidelines
Occasionally, our relationships may seem devoid of intimacy because we don’t pay as much deliberate attention to our partners as we do to others. While our partners speak, we often multitask, like cooking, cleaning, or caring for the kids. Here are some relationship guidelines that can guide you in being more present and attentive when spending time with your spouse.
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Put phones away at dinner & during conversations.
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Do not bring phones into your bedroom.
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If you’re sitting on the couch together, maintain some form of physical contact.
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End the day by expressing three compliments to each other.
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Make & maintain eye contact when discussing anything, even mundane tasks like taking the trash out.
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Eat together a certain number of times each week.
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On Sunday, review your schedules and plan quality time as a couple.
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When parting or reuniting, set aside distractions and take a few minutes to hug and kiss.
