Applying The 5 Love Languages

In Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages, he reveals the secret to a successful relationship is understanding how you and your partner give and receive love in unique yet meaningful ways. 

The book encourages us to be mindful of the different ways that we can adequately express love in a relationship – from acts of service like making life easier or more enjoyable with special tasks, gift-giving such as surprising your partner throughout the day with their favorite things, physical touch which communicates through hugs & kisses how much you care about them; quality time being present emotionally when spending time together and finally words of affirmation reinforcing to each other just how important one another is by expressing it out loud. 

Dr. Chapman further explains how many of the problems modern couples face arise because partners often feel and express love in different ways. But, he notes, when individuals in relationships learn to communicate in their partner’s love language, they can strengthen their bond by keeping each other’s “love tank” full of fuel. It could be said these are indeed the ‘keys’ needed for unlocking lasting relationships filled with joyous appreciation!

Why Use & Learn The Love Languages?

Love can be one of the most powerful forces in life, bringing two people together and allowing them to share a bond that goes beyond words. But love doesn’t always come easy – it requires effort from both parties to ensure love is expressed and felt. One way to ensure love continues to grow between partners is by understanding each other’s love language. 

Learning, recognizing, and speaking your partner’s love language can strengthen your bond and deepen your connection. To do this effectively, it requires effort from both parties to express love in ways that are meaningful to them. After all, knowing your love language and your partners can save a world of miscommunication.

Before giving meaningful gestures or strategies about each person’s love language, I want to provide you with a necessary step to learning an engaging your partner no matter their love language.

Listening… Did You Hear Me?

Everything starts by listening to your partner. To even know their love language, you must listen to their results. 

Hence here are some listening tips:

Care about body language: Want to make sure you are really connecting with your partner? Take note of the subtle clues in their body language: how they’re sitting, if they lean towards or away from you. By leaning into them and facing them fully when listening attentively, it shows that you deeply care about what is being said – just like an eager child captivated by a storyteller!

Listen to learn (not reply): Listen to Empathize, Not Argue: When your partner is sharing their opinion or perspective with you, resist the temptation to jump in and disagree. Instead of trying to score points for your own argument, show them respect by really tuning into what they are saying – this will help you better understand who they are as a person. Ensure your partner knows you’re all in! Turn off the TV, silence your phone, and stop what you’re doing. Devote all of your attention to them – because when it comes down to it, effective communication requires each person to be wholly present with one another.

Resist the urge: Sometimes, we must vent without feeling like our spouse is trying to fix it. Check-in with your partner regularly and ensure you understand where they are coming from. Instead of trying to solve the problem, ask if they need a listening ear or if they want to work together on finding an answer – it could be as simple as: 

“Babe, are you in need of a listening ear? How can I support you?”

“Babe, do you wanna brainstorm solutions, or would some support suffice?”. 

“Babe, just checking: if you want something more than an empathetic shoulder?”  

Show them how much their thoughts + feelings matter!

Now that we have listening out of the way, let's apply the 5 love languages to our life:

1.  Doing Kind Gestures

Love doesn’t just come in the form of words; it also comes from actions. If your significant other’s love language is acts of service, showing them you care through thoughtful gestures lets them know they are loved and appreciated. They feel most loved when acts are made that show them how much you care — without having to ask. It shows how well you understand their needs by offering to help with tasks or doing something special for them – not out of expectation but as an intentional act based on genuine interest and affection. 

Doing the tasks expresses appreciation by giving attention and energy to something they would typically have difficulty finding time for. At its core, this type of idea isn’t about servitude: instead, it reflects an intimate understanding of the other person. 

Acts of Service Tips:

Acts of service vary widely from person to person, depending on what they might appreciate. Some examples of service you might do for your partner include:

Hint: Your Partner Will Feel Loved If They Do Not Have To Ask!

• Clean the house

• Wash the dishes

• Get them coffee in the AM

• Pack them a lunch

• Take care of the small things that they perhaps forgot to do 

• Fill their car with gas 

• Take out the garbage

• Clean anything dirty

• Help them clean when they are cleaning (unless they are TYPE A, in which go to the next bullet)

• Watch the kids or the dog when they are working or cleaning 

• Make or order dinner 

A great way to improve your relationship with someone whose love language is acts of service lies in finding out what they value. From there, listen to them and do those things!

2. Gift Giving 

Gifts can be more than just material items – they reflect a deep and abiding love. The gift-giving process is an integral part of any relationship, but especially for those in which the recipient’s primary way to experience affection is through receiving gifts.

If that describes your partner, it may mean showering them with regular presents on special occasions and surprising them with thoughtful tokens throughout the year – big or small! Take solace each time you give something to show how much you care about them, knowing that these heartfelt gestures will bring joy today and far into the future.

Receiving gifts as a love language is much more than the actual items! Those who communicate in this way appreciate not just what’s given, but also the thought that went into selecting and presenting it — plus, of course, those special moments spent unwrapping.

These are all timeless treasures whose memory can be savored for years afterward. To show your partner extra care without breaking budget limits, try these surefire tips to get fluent with their unique gift-giving language faster!

Gift-Giving Tips:

• Master the art of gift-giving- it’s much more than just picking a present that looks nice; it’s about surprising and delighting your significant other with something special. 

• Strive for meaningful personalization- consider their likes, interests, and hobbies as the best gifts are often a reflection of them. Remember important dates – set up recurring reminders or send small tokens between big occasions, such as an ‘I love You’ card when they least expect it! 

• If traveling away from home, get souvenirs – whether this is inexpensive candy or symbolic memorabilia, it will remind them of those magical moments spent together! 

• Birthdays Matter- make the most of them. Get unique gifts to show how much you care. 

• Give gifts on the bad days- don’t hesitate to remind your partner how loved they are; the right gift can pick them up. 

• Ask- If ever stuck for inspiration on gift ideas, turn to trusted friends or family members – any advice is invaluable!

To make sure that these moments have maximum impact, be consistent in expressing yourself with presents throughout the year and keep track of their reactions so you can identify what they like best. And remember, thoughtful gifts can always trump fancy trinkets – so keep putting thought into every offering today for tomorrow’s loving surprise! 

3. Let’s Get Physical 

Physical touch is another crucial element in communicating love between partners; hugs, cuddles, massages, hand holding, kissing, etc. act as physical reminders that someone else cares about them deeply no matter what happens during the day-to-day grind life throws at us all!

Physical touch is a remarkable way to show the people you love and care for just how much they mean to you! From gentle hugs, squeezes of support, or simply brushing back an errant strand of hair – these acts are more about feeling safe and seen than satisfying any sensual needs. Of course, both partners must agree if intimacy is on the horizon but don’t feel like all physical contact has this expectation; it can often be enough that one person expresses their feelings through physical affection alone.

Likewise, partners of people who speak this language should never assume they have permission to touch their significant other at any time or place. Communicating love is all about timing. If a spouse gets the timing correct, a subtle gesture will speak tremendous volumes if done at the right moment. 

Physical Touch Tips:

• Place a palm on your partner’s wrist

• Planting a small kiss on their forehead

• Gently stroking their face with your fingertips 

• Hold hands

• Give hugs when leaving and returning home

• Give massages early and often (including head massages)

• Couch cuddles, bed cuddles, just cuddle. 

• Kiss your partner

If you do not live together, date long-distance, or frequently are away from each other, here are some tips: 

• Video chat 

• Give them something with your scent that they can sleep in or next to.  

• Find Experiences to do together. Simultaneously stream music, movies, shows, concerts, or whatever else together. 

• Find games to play together. 

4. Make Time Count 

Quality time is one of the most potent love languages for couples spending time together, so make sure each moment counts! Focus on being present in the moment and leave all distractions behind while enjoying each other’s company in whatever activity you choose-whether that means taking a walk together, watching a movie side-by-side, or sharing dinner conversation over candlelight. Giving your undivided attention shows your spouse you love and care about them.

Quality Time Tips:

There are countless ways for couples to spend quality time together, but what if your partner doesn’t enjoy the same activities as you? If you’re in a relationship with someone who speaks this love language, here are some tips to help you meet their needs.

• Go Out. Walk around the neighborhood, run errands, or attend a local event together. 

• Be Intentional @ Home. Find new recipes to try. Play cards or board games together, and read out loud to one another.

• Be Active. Do something physical together: workout, hike, rock climb, golf, bowl, put-put, ice skating. 

• Quick Trips. Plan a weekend together to go on a road trip, visit the closest big town next to you, or go on a spa weekend together. 

• Plan Vacations. Have something to look forward to, and create your next big trip! 

• Date Nights. OFTEN. Make plans to explore new places and experiences. 

• Converse. Tell your partner your thoughts and ask about their thoughts. Do this without technology! 

Often with quality time as a love language, it is more about giving your spouse undivided attention. People with this love language want to be the object of their lover’s undivided attention, and when done right, your spouse should feel cherished and prioritized! Quality time is more about being present to express your love than finding an activity. 

5. Show Appreciation

Words of affirmation are among the best love languages for expressing love and appreciation for someone else. Showing thanks for what they do or complimenting them on something they did well can make someone feel special and appreciated.

With this person, the most straightforward positive phrases can often make the biggest difference in how people feel about themselves! You don’t always need to say it face-to-face – write a heartwarming note or surprise with an unexpected call instead! Make your spouse smile today by speaking kind and uplifting words: demonstrate your care about everything they do.

Often the person that receives love this way is an active listener and takes time to recognize and appreciate the details in others’ lives. They don’t just notice when their partner gets a new haircut – they remember to check in on how neighbors, friends, or even cashiers at local stores have been doing lately. These small gestures create insight into how to love them as well. 

Words Of Affirmation Tips/Examples:

• “I’m so grateful for your assistance and kindness. 

• “Your presence makes all the difference!” 

• “You light up my life, from what you wear to who you are!” 

• “Having a relationship as amazing as ours is such an incredible blessing! I couldn’t ask for more.” 

• “It really made an impression on me when…” 

• “I love you because ….”

• “The stars must have been aligned because sharing time together has become one of the highlights of my days.” 

• “There is a special spark which only shines through ‘YOU!’ Keep Being Inspirational!!”

• “When you are around, everything just seems to be better.” 

• “You light up my days with joy.” 

You get the idea. Compliment. Flatter Them. Tell Them Why You Love Them!

Bonus Tip: You are not the humbling police. You do not need to worry about giving your spouse a big head; they need, want, and desire your words!  

Conclusion

These tips are only some of the ways couples can communicate their love through words and deeds in a way that speaks directly to their partner’s love language! Take the extra time each day to recognize one another’s efforts, as they will strengthen the relationship while helping both people feel secure knowing they are loved deeply by their partner – no matter what love language they speak!