Practical Tips to Manage Conflict While Arguing
Have you ever been in an argument with your partner that escalates into a full-blown conflict? It can be challenging to keep your cool when emotions are running high, but there are ways to manage conflict and maintain a healthy relationship.
Part one of this article offers five great tips to help you keep conflict under control while arguing.
-
Avoid Aggressive Language: It’s easy to lash out with hurtful words when upset. However, using aggressive language during an argument can escalate the situation. Instead, try using “I” statements to express your feelings without attacking your partner.
-
Let Your Partner Finish Talking: Interrupting your partner can make them feel unheard and disrespected. Let them finish talking before you respond, and try to listen actively to what they are saying.
-
Use Positive Body Language: Your body language can communicate just as much as your words. Use open, non-threatening gestures to show that you are listening and engaged.
-
Take a Break to Overcome Stonewalling: Stonewalling is when one partner shuts down and stops communicating during an argument. If you or your partner is stonewalling, take a break to cool down and return to the conversation when you’re both ready.
-
Avoid Blame Language: Blaming your partner for the problem can lead to defensiveness and more conflict. Instead, focus on the issue at hand and work together to find a solution.
Try these tips, and you’ll see how much of a difference they can make in managing conflict during an argument. These strategies will improve communication and help maintain a healthy relationship with your partner.
Are you ready for some tips on managing conflict while arguing?
We’ve got you covered with five more tips starting right now! Let’s dive in and bring peace to your discussions.
6. Discover the Impact of Avoiding Eye Contact on Communication
When people feel uncomfortable or anxious, they can become avoidant, which can negatively impact communication. One common way people avoid awkward situations is by avoiding eye contact with the other person- creating misunderstandings, and making the other party feel disregarded or unimportant.
Why Eye Contact is Important
Eye contact is an essential part of communication, and it can convey various meanings depending on the context. Maintaining eye contact during a conversation helps to establish trust, show interest, and build a connection with the other person. It also helps to communicate emotions and intentions, making it easier for the other person to understand your message.
On the other hand, avoiding eye contact can be seen as disinterest, anger, or fear. It can make the other person feel uncomfortable, unheard, or even disrespected.
How to Encourage Eye Contact
If you notice that your partner or someone you’re conversing with is avoiding eye contact, you can encourage them to look at you when you speak. However, it’s essential to ask in a supportive and loving way.
Instead of accusing or criticizing them, you can try saying something like:
-
“I know this is difficult for you, and it makes you feel unnerved, but it helps me feel cared for, loved, and heard if you look at me when I speak to you.”
-
“I would appreciate it if you could look at me when we talk. It helps me to understand you better.”
By asking in this way, you can create a safe and supportive environment where the other person feels heard and valued. It also helps build trust and intimacy, making the conversation more productive and meaningful.
The Benefits of Maintaining Eye Contact
Maintaining eye contact can have numerous benefits, both in personal and professional relationships. Here are some of the advantages:
-
Increases interaction and engagement
-
Builds trust and rapport
-
Helps to communicate emotions and intentions
-
Shows interest and attentiveness
-
Enhances intimacy and connection
-
Improves cooperation and teamwork
Therefore, maintaining eye contact is paramount if you want to improve your communication skills and build stronger relationships.
7. Lasting Solutions To Break the Continual Cycle of Fighting
When couples find themselves in a constant cycle of fighting, it can be exhausting and overwhelming. Before the next fight, take a step back and analyze the underlying issues causing the repeated conflicts.
Instead of trying to resolve the present issue, a couple should focus on discovering the root cause of their conflicts. For example, a disagreement over household chores might be a deeper issue about feeling unappreciated or unequal in the relationship.
It’s essential to address the underlying issue to break the ongoing conflict cycle. Scheduling regular meetings to discuss challenging topics can be helpful. During these meetings, couples should only discuss the topic at hand– to prevent conflict from taking over their daily lives.
Setting Time Limits for Discussions
Perhaps put a limit on the time spent discussing different issues. Setting a specific timeframe, such as 30 minutes, can help keep the conversation focused and productive. A time limit can also prevent the discussion from becoming too emotionally charged and unproductive.
By taking the time to understand the underlying issues causing the conflict, couples can work towards resolving the root cause of their disagreements.
8. Take the High Road: Say Goodbye to Name-Calling
When conversing, try to maintain a level of civility regardless of the emotions involved. Name-calling is an act of disrespect and is never acceptable. It is a behavior generally occurring when a partner is so overwhelmed with emotions that they cannot control what comes out of their mouth.
Name-calling is designed to wound the other person, but in reality, the one doing it is actually hurting.
Furthermore, name-calling takes the conversation down a level of civility, adds unwanted negative energy to the discussion, and raises the emotional temperature. It can escalate a disagreement into a heated argument and make it difficult to find a resolution.
The Root Cause of Name-Calling
The best way to resolve this behavior is to understand why it is happening in the first place. Name-calling is often connected to experiences from childhood, either from witnessing name-calling, being called names, or using name-calling to attract more attention. It can become a learned behavior that is difficult to break.
Try and notice when you begin name-calling and make connections to situations where this feeling is familiar. By doing so, you can recognize the triggers that cause you to use this behavior and take steps to refrain from doing so.
Using Different Words to Get Your Point Across
Recognizing name-calling as unhelpful is the first step to changing this behavior. Use different words to get your point across. Instead of using hurtful words, try to express your feelings using “I” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You are always so selfish,” try saying, “I feel unheard when you do not listen to me.”
9. Discover How to Avoid Exaggerations
Using exaggerated language like “always” and “never” in communication with your partner can harm the relationship. These words are often an exaggeration and can put your partner on the defensive, making it difficult to resolve the issue. Couples should be mindful of the words they use and choose their language carefully to avoid misunderstandings.
Pick One Specific Instance to Talk Through
Instead of using exaggerated language, try to pick one specific instance to talk through. This will help you to stay focused and avoid getting sidetracked by other issues. Once you’ve identified the situation you want to talk about, use active listening skills to “unlearn” exaggerated tendencies. This means actively listening to your partner’s perspective without judgment or interruption.
Avoid Discounting Your Partner’s Efforts
Using exaggerated language also discounts the times when your partner did do something right or was respectful and considerate. We should acknowledge our partner’s efforts and show appreciation for what they do right. This can help build a positive atmosphere in the relationship and encourage your partner to continue improving the relationship.
10. Overcome Gunny Sacking and Resolve Unresolved Issues
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you and your partner get into an argument, and before you know it, you’re bringing up past issues?
Arguing about past issues is not uncommon in relationships, and it’s known as gunny sacking. It’s when old resentments from unresolved or traumatic issues surface, causing tension and further strain on the relationship.
While some may think addressing past issues is necessary for closure, it’s not always the best approach. We should recognize that it’s not the past situation that needs to be brought up but the familiar feeling you may have in the current situation. If the past situation made you feel insecure, and you are experiencing the same feelings in the current situation, it’s essential to convey your needs to your partner.
Dealing with Unresolved Issues
It’s not uncommon for people to have unresolved issues from their past that affect their current relationships. If you or your partner are unwilling or unable to attend therapy, there are other methods to work on these issues.
Self-help books are a great way to start. One book that I would recommend is Getting the Love You Want by Helen Hunt and Harville Hendrix, or His Needs Her Needs by Willard F. Jr. Harley. These books include exercises to strengthen your relationship and improve communication.
Additionally, there are online workshops and workbooks that couples can go through together. These resources can be purchased on Amazon and help couples work through their issues in the comfort of their home.
Improving Productivity in Arguments: Stick to One Topic at a Time
Have you ever found yourself in an argument where the conversation jumps from one topic to another? For instance, you start discussing the dirty laundry in the hamper, and suddenly, the conversation shifts to sex in the bedroom. Such arguments can quickly become unproductive, leaving both parties feeling frustrated and unheard.
One way to avoid this is to create a conversation agenda. Put the topics in order of importance and stick to discussing one issue at a time. This will help keep the conversation focused and ensure that each topic is given the attention it deserves.
Avoid Meandering onto Other Topics or Old, Unresolved Conflicts
Topics are generally complicated and have layers, so it’s quite natural for one topic to bleed into another. However, meandering onto other topics or old, unresolved conflicts can derail the conversation and make it difficult to reach a resolution.
Remain focused on the initial challenge at hand. This will help ensure that each topic is discussed thoroughly and that the conversation stays on track.
Read Part III Here!