Are you tired of constantly being drawn to the wrong kind of guys? You know those who seem to bring nothing but drama, heartache, and disappointment into your life.
Believe me, I’ve been there too.
For years, I found myself stuck in a frustrating cycle of attracting guys who were, to put it bluntly, just not right for me. They were cheaters, liars, and commitment-phobes, leaving me feeling frustrated and defeated in my search for love.
But then, after nearly a decade of dating mishaps and heartbreaks, I had a revelation. A wise older woman once asked me if I knew why I kept attracting these types of guys, and although I didn’t have an answer at the time, her question stuck with me.
Now, I’m here to share my insights with you. In this blog post, we’ll explore why you might find yourself attracting these low-quality men and, more importantly, how you can break free from this cycle once and for all.
So, are you ready to discover how to attract the right kind of guy into your life? If so, keep reading. Let’s start; here are four reasons I attracted the wrong guy!
Why do I attract the wrong guy?
In this subsection, we’ll explore four key reasons why you might consistently attract the wrong kind of guy. While these are not all the reasons, they are the ones I found most crucial.
From deep-seated beliefs to unconscious patterns, understanding these reasons is the first step towards breaking free from the cycle and finding the love you truly deserve. So, let’s dive in and uncover the answers to this age-old question.
1. Lack of Personal Values and Boundaries
I realized I lacked personal values and boundaries.
It’s so easy to get swayed by others when we aren’t clear on our values and what we stand for. But by compromising ourselves, we end up in relationships and situations that don’t align with our goals and aspirations.
For instance, I always said I valued honesty and integrity but hung out with people who regularly lied and cheated (including myself). And guess what? I ended up attracting guys who shared those traits!
If you also identify with my scenario, the good news is; it’s never too late to develop your values and boundaries.
It starts with intentional self-reflection.
Ask yourself what matters most and what you’re willing to tolerate and not tolerate in relationships, including what you will not accept from yourself.
I didn’t sit and write out my values; instead, I started asking myself, “If I loved myself, would I do this?” Asking this simple question in every scenario can be a powerful way to check in with yourself and make decisions that align with your self-care and personal growth goals.
If you ask yourself this question, you will find that you will begin to be someone who sticks to their boundaries. Inevitably you will start attracting people who align with you and your goals and weed out those who don’t.
2. Low Self-Esteem
It’s no secret that low self-esteem affects most of us, especially in today’s image-driven world.
I’ve been/am there myself for many reasons; I didn’t/don’t place enough value on myself or my self-worth. Unfortunately, my low worth permitted me to accept less than I deserved in relationships, such as staying with one guy who treated me poorly or settling for another guy who didn’t meet my standards.
But you know what? One day I decided to make a change.
I started paying attention to all the negative voices in my head and my limiting beliefs about myself. Then, I realized just how emotionally abusive my self-talk had been. If you had heard how I talked to myself, you would’ve told me I was in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Perhaps your self-esteem also needs a boost. The first step is to recognize and challenge those negative thoughts. You can counter them with positive affirmations, but I want to remind you of something far more powerful: what God says about you. If you don’t believe in God, find other statements that resonate with you. Try setting them as your phone background, placing them in places you see, and reciting them in the mirror!
That being said, reversing years of self-doubt isn’t going to happen overnight. But it is possible! Start surrounding yourself with people who uplift and support you. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself and take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. Believe me; it’s worth it.
Related Reading: How To Raise Your Self Esteem
3. Friends With The Wrong People
Our social circle impacts the type of people we attract, so it’s crucial to surround ourselves with positive personalities.
I used to hang out with friends who enjoyed partying, getting drunk, and engaging in reckless behavior, leading me to do the same. Unfortunately, most of my friendships were toxic, revolving around drinking, gossiping, doing drugs, or looking for guys.
These toxic friendships and constant peer pressure damaged my self-worth and went against my values.
Sadly, I didn’t realize how toxic my friends were until after a wild night out that ended with me in the hospital. As I woke up with an IV in my arm, I couldn’t believe the nurse when she told me my so-called friends had left me alone in an alley before the ambulance arrived.
Apparently, I had too much to drink and passed out in the alley, and my friends called 911 and went on to the next bar. THEY LEFT ME PASSED OUT IN AN ALLEY!
Hopefully, you do not share in this experience, but perhaps you also need new friends because you deserve better than your friends currently give.
If so, talk to your friends openly and set clear boundaries. Don’t be afraid to cut ties and focus on building healthier relationships if these friendships remain toxic. You’re worth it!
Related Reading: How To Choose Better Friends
4. Being “Low-Class” Oneself
Sometimes we attract guys who are not our type because our actions exhibit low-class tendencies.
My alley story above shows you I engaged in less-than-stellar behavior; I cannot say I was the classiest person.
This is not to say that you or I are bad people, but that our behavior does not align with our aspirations and values.
I engaged in excessive partying, drinking, and drug use and attracted guys who did the same.
Improving or changing our behavior starts with evaluating our values and self-worth. Our behavior mirrors how much we value ourselves. And the great news is we have everything we need to make positive changes.
- Start by self-reflecting and identifying behaviors that you are not happy with.
- Create consequences and rewards for when you do or don’t do these actions again.
- Surround yourself with positive role models and those who are also growing in a way that aligns with who you want to be.
Is it time to do some self reflecting?
A blog that tells you that you attract the wrong guys because you’re the wrong girl may be tough to hear. However, if you want to stop attracting the wrong guys, it might be time to take an honest look at yourself.
Ask yourself what do you project to the world. I promise that if you’re honest with yourself and make some changes, you’ll attract the right kind of guys quickly!
After all,
Like attracts like.
Greatness begets greatness.
Birds of a feather flock together.
Simply put, you are the company you keep; if you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.
I think after all the clichés, you get the point.
We do not attract the person that we want. Instead, we attract a person that is similar to us.
Therefore if you want a financially stable partner? Work on being financially stable. Are you interested in a good-looking partner? Take care of your appearance too. Are you looking for an educated partner? Educate yourself too. It’s that simple!
How can I start attracting higher quality men?
Start by respecting yourself and others
One of the first things to consider is how you treat yourself and those around you. Are you showing respect towards yourself and others? It’s important to remember that you teach others how to treat you.
If you don’t value yourself and treat yourself with respect, it’s unlikely that others will, either. On the other hand, if you set a high standard for how you expect to be treated, you will attract people who will meet that standard.
Start meeting your own physical and emotional needs
When you feel good about yourself and are confident in who you are, you will attract people who treat you well. Take care of yourself physically by exercising, eating well, and getting enough sleep. It also means taking care of yourself emotionally by practicing self-care and seeking support when needed.
Start being honest with yourself
Finally, ask yourself whether you have your sh*t together. This doesn’t mean you have to have everything figured out, but it does mean that you are actively working towards your goals and living a life you are proud of. When you have your sh*t together, you exude confidence and are more likely to attract people who are also confident and successful.
A few questions to help you be honest with yourself:
- What are my core values and beliefs?
- How do I demonstrate integrity in my actions and words?
- Do I take responsibility for my actions and apologize when necessary?
- How do I handle conflicts with others?
- Am I open-minded and willing to listen to different perspectives?
- Do I practice empathy and try to understand others’ feelings and experiences?
- How do I handle stress and difficult situations?
- Am I able to forgive and let go of grudges?
- How do I show gratitude and appreciation for the people and things in my life?
- Do I prioritize self-improvement and personal growth?
- How do I treat those less fortunate or with less power than me?
- Do I actively seek opportunities to help others and make a positive impact?
- Am I honest with myself about my flaws and areas for improvement, and am I actively working to address them?
With the help of these questions, you can begin to exemplify the fantastic qualities that you seek in a partner. Trust us; it’s not just about finding the right person; it’s about becoming the person that attracts the love and respect you want!
So, let’s get started on this journey of self-improvement! By becoming the best version of yourself, you’ll naturally attract higher-quality partners who share your values. And don’t forget – settling should never be an option!
