Have You Ever Thought, “Am I a Bad Leader?” Ever Said to Yourself, “I Am a Hypocrite”? Well, Perhaps That’s a Good Thing!
Have you ever looked at your leader and thought, “They are a hypocrite”? In one instance, they tell you to be more direct and speak up, yet the next moment, they avoid addressing a colleague who consistently comes late and leaves early. Or consider the leader who employs a sink-or-swim philosophy: one moment, they’re barely helping you learn and grow; the next, they’re micromanaging every detail of a project.
While I could continue sharing examples of hypocrisy in leadership, let’s pivot to discuss the fascinating dichotomy that often exists within the best leaders.
In growing teams and developing leaders, I have discovered that the best leaders are walking, talking contradictions.
What Do You Mean?
Inside the best leaders are traits that seem to contradict each other, which can make them appear ineffective. However, these leaders leverage these contradictions to create a positive impact and build wildly successful teams.
What Are These Contradictory Traits?
Leaders Can Be Both Confident and Insecure
Confident: In some seasons, a leader can be exceptionally self-assured, exuding confidence so strongly that they may come across as cocky or arrogant. During these times, everything about them—from their stride to how they dress—radiates confidence.
Insecure: Yet, in other seasons, that same leader may appear unsure of themselves, grappling with questions and doubt. They may question everyone around them, striving to understand who is truly with them and who isn’t. In these moments, they often seek reassurance from their followers, looking for validation with comments like, “Good job!”
Leaders Can Be Both Rigid and Flexible
Rigid: There are moments when leaders are set on an idea or project, unwilling to budge on any changes. No matter how bleak the situation or how many others believe they are wrong, they refuse to abandon ship or change direction.
Flexible: In contrast, there are times when everything seems up in the air. The leader pivots so quickly that the team doesn’t have time to process the changes. In a single five-minute conversation, they might instruct you to scrap or shift an entire project almost immediately, without a second thought.
Leaders Can Be Both Optimistic and Pessimistic
Optimistic: Think about those moments when a team is striving to achieve something that seems impossible. The leader, radiating positivity, insists that everything will work out. They tend to ignore warning signs and continue to encourage the team, emphasizing how great things will be in the end!
Pessimistic: Conversely, have you ever experienced a leader who, after the team accomplishes something significant, immediately points out how terrible everything is and how it could be better? Just when the team has given their all and is exhausted, the leader swoops in and deflates the balloon with a list of issues that need fixing.
Leaders Can Be Both Frank and Evasive
Frank: How many times have you sat in a meeting and heard your boss or leader say something that made you think, “Wow, that was brutally honest”? Although everyone might have thought the same thing, they expressed their thoughts with little regard for how it might land.
Evasive: On the other hand, have you encountered someone like (fill in the name)? They arrive to work late, leave early, and give minimal effort. Meanwhile, the leader never confronts them. Instead, they avoid providing the necessary feedback that could help this person either improve or move on.
Leaders Can Be Both Empowering and Controlling
Empowering: This leader embodies John Maxwell’s principle that if someone can handle at least 50% of a task, it’s theirs to manage. They quickly delegate authority, tasks, and responsibilities, often handing over complete control of an area if they believe you’re somewhat ready.
Controlling: On the flip side, there are times when you must run everything past this leader. For a specific assignment, they become highly involved, meticulously overseeing every detail and leaving little room for independent decision-making.
Leaders Can Be Both Urgent and Patient
Urgent: Often, a leader wants things done yesterday. They genuinely believe that tasks could and should have been completed already. To them, the project seems straightforward and should be executed almost immediately after it’s mentioned.
Patient: While sometimes a leader is fast other times a leader is slow. They move at a turtle’s pace with the decision; they drag their feet signing the paperwork; whatever it is, they are simply slow at executing.
Leaders Can Be Both Lavish and Frugal
Lavish: As followers, we often scratch our heads wondering why a leader spends excessive money on certain items. For some reason, there are things they are willing to splurge on, eagerly paying whatever it takes to bring a vision to life.
Frugal: On the other hand, there are times when it seems that no matter what you do, there’s simply no room in the budget for even the smallest expenses. Regardless of your efforts to justify it, you’re lucky if you can secure a couple of extra pennies for essentials.
Why Do We Have Such Contradictory Traits Operating Inside Us?
More importantly, how can we be great leaders while possessing these conflicting personality traits?
I believe that opposing traits are not only virtuous but also necessary for effectively leading a diverse group of people.Diversity within teams brings different perspectives, skills, and experiences, which can enrich decision-making and innovation.
For instance, consider a leader who can be both nurturing and demanding. This balance allows them to support team members while also pushing them to reach their potential. Embracing these contradictions enables leaders to adapt their styles to fit varying situations and needs, fostering a more inclusive environment.
The ability to hold contradictory traits can lead to improved adaptability, stronger relationships, and better problem-solving abilities.
Why a Leader Can Be Both Confident and Insecure
A good leader often attempts new feats, pushes into new spheres of influence, and challenges the status quo. The commitment to growth means the leader is continuously evolving.
As a result, leaders will experience moments of extreme confidence in their beliefs and abilities, alongside periods of severe doubt and insecurity about themselves and their capabilities.
A leader often feels confident when they have a clear vision of what they want to achieve, as well as a well-defined plan for how to get there. In these moments, doubt and uncertainty seem unnecessary because everything appears manageable. However, if a leader believes they have it all figured out, they may not be pushing themselves to attempt anything truly remarkable. This kind of leader might be comfortable, but they may not inspire the kind of innovation and growth that excites a team.
The leaders we admire are those who embrace both confidence and insecurity. They recognize that feeling uncertain can be a catalyst for growth and creativity. Instead of allowing their doubts to hold them back, they use those feelings as fuel to explore new possibilities and make meaningful changes.
Why a Leader Can Be Both Rigid and Flexible
Every leader has unique idiosyncrasies that contribute to their effectiveness. Visionary leaders have the ability to see possibilities before others do, allowing them to guide their teams toward a shared vision. If you’ve ever participated in a visualization exercise, you know how vividly your mind can bring an event to life.
Once leaders grasp the magnitude of their envisioned future, they develop a relentless pursuit and desire to achieve it, fully understanding the potential rewards that lie ahead. This strong commitment can make them appear rigid in their plans, as they become determined to stick to their vision and strategies.
However, true leadership also requires flexibility. As circumstances change and new information emerges, a great leader must be willing to pivot and adapt their approach. This adaptability is essential for navigating challenges and seizing unexpected opportunities.
The most effective leaders strike a balance between being unwavering in their vision while remaining open to new ideas and feedback. This duality allows them to guide their teams with clarity and confidence while fostering an environment where innovation and collaboration can flourish.
Information Changes Situations
As I mentioned earlier, “A continually growing leader is a constantly changing leader.” Equipped with new information, a leader can and will pivot to meet demands or improve the current situation. They hold on to methods and ideas with an open hand, allowing information and procedures to flow in. This creates a dynamic tension between rigidity and flexibility, as they release old beliefs and techniques to adapt to evolving circumstances.
Why a Leader Can Be Both Optimistic and Pessimistic
The most outstanding leaders genuinely love people and innately believe in their potential. They have a desire to improve themselves and their teams. This dichotomy creates a tension between seeing both the good and the bad in any situation.
Often, leaders may first notice the challenges or obstacles before they recognize the opportunities. They might initially focus on what isn’t working, taking time to process how the scenario can evolve into a win.
This ability to hold both perspectives is crucial.
It allows leaders to address problems head-on while also inspiring hope and motivation within their teams. By acknowledging the realities of a situation while maintaining a belief in positive outcomes, they can create a balanced approach that fosters resilience and innovation.
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Why a Leader Can Be Both Frank and Evasive
As mentioned earlier, most leaders genuinely love people and seek to be loved in return. This desire creates a constant struggle regarding how to communicate effectively with each follower or employee. Should I tell them what they need to hear, even if it might crush them, or should I leave it alone, hoping the issue resolves itself?
You might think that a true leader should always be able to deliver tough messages without hesitation. However, the reality is more nuanced. Effective leaders are attuned to where their team members are mentally and emotionally. They recognize that honesty is important, but so is empathy.
A leader is more inclined to be frank with someone they know can handle it while also being sensitive to those who might not be ready for harsh truths. Understanding the emotional landscape of their team allows leaders to navigate difficult conversations with care, ensuring their words inspire growth rather than cause harm.
Why a Leader Can Be Both Empowering and Controlling
Leaders can be incredibly generous with the unchecked power they grant to their team members because they trust and empower those around them. This empowerment fosters an environment where individuals feel valued and encouraged to take initiative.
However, leaders also understand that certain actions, behaviors, and cultural elements are crucial for building a strongorganization, while others can be detrimental. As a result, they become protective of specific roles, processes, and discussions that might seem insignificant but are essential to the company’s success.
Thus, while a leader may empower you to act and make a wide range of choices in many areas, they simultaneously feel the need to control aspects they believe are critical for the organization’s long-term success. These are the areas where a leader might be a “stickler,” refusing to allow any leeway or deviation from established practices.
This balance between empowerment and control is essential for creating a productive and cohesive team. By fostering independence in some areas while maintaining oversight in others, leaders can help their teams thrive.
Why a Leader Can Be Both Urgent and Patient
At first glance, patience and urgency may seem like opposites, leading to the assumption that they cannot coexist. However, acting with urgency on the right issues requires the patience to step back and assess the situation thoroughly.
A leader must ask themselves:
- What’s going on?
- What am I trying to achieve?
- How do we proceed to accomplish our goal?
By taking the time to reflect and evaluate these questions, leaders can develop a clear understanding of the best path forward. When they do decide to act, it’s full throttle—”all gas and no brakes”—because they have carefully weighed all the factors involved.
This ability to be both urgent and patient allows leaders to navigate complexities effectively, ensuring that when they take action, it is both swift and well-informed. By balancing these traits, leaders can drive progress while remaining grounded in thoughtful decision-making.
Why a Leader Can Be Both Lavish and Frugal
Being frugal allows a leader to make informed judgments and clarify their values. When leaders operate with frugality, they often ask themselves whether it’s wise to pursue a particular expense. In these moments, the frugal leader understands that to get ahead, the company must spend less than it earns, using the difference to pay off debt, save, or invest—potentially all three.
This approach requires a big-picture perspective, as the frugal leader recognizes that money saved or wisely invested will ultimately accelerate the business’s growth in the long run.
When the time is right, and the foundation is strong, the leader can then operate lavishly, confidently investing in opportunities that will propel the organization forward. This shift from frugality to lavishness demonstrates strategic thinking, showing that effective leaders know when to tighten their belts and when to open their wallets for the benefit of the company.
Conclusion
As you reflect on your leadership, consider the paradoxes you observe within yourself. Acknowledge these contradictions and embrace them as essential aspects of your growth as a leader, rather than seeing them as traits to eliminate or abandon. Recognizing that both confidence and insecurity, rigidity and flexibility, or optimism and pessimism coexist within you can enhance your effectiveness in guiding others.
This acknowledgment is not just a sign of self-awareness but also a mark of maturity. As you embrace these complexities, take the opportunity to seek feedback from your team and engage in open discussions about your leadership style.
Consider journaling your experiences or sharing your thoughts with a mentor. By actively reflecting on your leadership journey, you can develop a more nuanced understanding of your strengths and areas for growth.
Ultimately, balancing these paradoxes will help you become a more dynamic and resilient leader, capable of inspiring and guiding your team toward success.
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