I despise waiting, no matter the reason. Waiting with God often unfolds like this: Life is good. We’ve faithfully walked with Jesus for a while now, and many of our most crucial prayers have been answered. Our faith is strong; our future looks promising.
But then… we desire something that can’t be bought, earned, or achieved through our efforts. We’ve done our part—worked hard, grown spiritually, and taken risks. There’s a promise echoing in our hearts: a future husband, a family of our own.
So many of us find ourselves in this waiting period for a spouse. We’ve prayed and surrendered the decision to God’s hands. Initially, this realization brings comfort. Our hopes, hearts, and happiness—all entrusted to God: our loving Father who desires our happiness, the all-knowing One who understands us deeply, the all-powerful Creator who governs the universe (surely granting this request should be easy for Him).
All He needs to do is wave His omnipotent, loving hand, and… a husband appears. Wish granted. Prayer answered.
But here’s the twist. He doesn’t do it. Nor does He refuse. He does nothing. At least, nothing is visible to us. God doesn’t say no, but neither does He say yes. Instead, He says, “Wait. Wait. Wait.”
And here’s the part that makes it particularly hard to accept: with God, we don’t experience the familiar two-way human conversation we’re accustomed to.
In moments like these, when the answer we seek seems to hover just beyond our grasp, we’re left grappling with questions like, “Why is God making me wait for a husband?” This waiting period, though challenging, holds profound meaning in our spiritual journey. It’s a time of growth, refinement, and, ultimately, a deepening of our trust in God’s perfect timing.
Why is God making you wait for a husband?
Waiting removes our reliance on all the “THINGS”
During prayer, we often encounter silence from God—no verbal response, no explanations offered. No, “Here’s a gameplan on what will happen,” no “I hear you, but I can’t give you what you want (yet) because….” Instead, we pray, but the right person still doesn’t appear. And the longer we wait, the louder God’s silence seems to grow.
The Typical Pattern of Waiting
God is good, so we try our best to wait patiently. On good days, we pray. On bad days, we turn to social media. After justa few minutes, we find ourselves sinking into despair: Everyone else seems happy. Everyone else is getting what I need!
With knotted stomachs and burning eyes, we try to regroup, drawing on life lessons we’ve collected over the years. Our earliest memories, thanks to Disney princesses, sing, Believe in yourself! Dreams come true!” Our teachers’ voices echo, “Never give up! You’ll get it soon because you are awesome, and awesome people always succeed!” Our Sunday school education encourages us to be like the persistent widow. Our adult theology reminds us to keep on asking and keep on knocking.
So we believe and dream and ask and knock and ask again. We turn to the Bible, seeking comfort in classic waiting passages like:
“Be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD” (Psalm 27:14), and the crown jewel of all waiting passages: “Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart…. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him” (Psalm 37:3–4, 7).
Our Pseudo Trust in God Appears
With our faith renewed, we wait patiently for a few more days, weeks, (months if need be), and we pray prayers of apologies for our impatience. In these moments, we even do heart checks: Seeking God? Check. Dwelling in the land? Check. Trusting in the Lord God? Check. Delighting in the Lord? Well, perhaps we could read and pray a little more tomorrow. Check.
And then we sit back and expect the Holy Spirit to show us our future spouse within the next seven to ten business days. The problem is that we keep adding our own words to these waiting passages, and we have no idea we are doing it.
As we read these passages, we believe we grasp their meaning, yet subconsciously, we append a small asterisked addendum to them, which typically sounds like this:
- “Be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD” because He will give us exactly what we want very soon.
- “Delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart…” and that is a guaranteed formula: If we work hard and love God, then we will absolutely get our heart’s desires—and “desires” include all of your desires: the job and salary you want; the guy and wedding you want; the house you want; the baby you want; the family you want; the happiness you want—as soon as you decide you want them… or pretty soon afterward.
We do the things that appear like we trust God
We humbly remind God that we are delighting in Him, even though it feels like we’re on the edge—teeth gritted, fists clenched, neck veins popping.
Despite the fact that we had already told God what we desired, we later revised our request to sound more spiritual, as if crafting a prayer that would align with what God might approve. We delved deeper into passages about waiting and taking more radical steps like fasting. We sought support from friends, asking them to pray and fast alongside us.
Time passes—too much time—more time than we’d ever imagined. As faith fades, doubts bloom. We question putting God first, our relationship with God, God’s word, whether we should serve God, God’s love for us, and ourselves. The longer God’s silence stretches, the more things start to break inside. Inevitably, we turn to our vices and start relying on those things to appease us.
Why Waiting Will Force us to actually trust God
For many of us, waiting on God’s timing is the first time our faith has been truly tested. The waiting period presents both risk and opportunity in equal measure. On one hand, it exposes all the things that we rely on, and if we are not careful, we can fully put our trust in those things. On the other hand, we may start to realize that those things do not work; it is in those moments that we realize that only God can fill that void that we believe a future husband will fill.
Waiting Will Shape Us for the Person That God Calls Us to Be
Christians are meant to continually grow—to become more godly, loving, self-controlled, and perseverant. Spiritual growth isn’t automatic, accidental, or quick. It’s a lifelong journey that demands deliberate and persistent effort.
The perfectionist in me feels overwhelmed yet comforted—overwhelmed by the desire for immediate perfection, yet comforted by the understanding that growth is ongoing. Character develops gradually: step by step, choice by choice, and even through mistakes, with each strength building upon the next over time.
In the midst of this journey of character development, we encounter a vital trait needed during times of waiting: perseverance. Now, let’s align this with what James teaches about perseverance:
Consider it Pure Joy
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing ofyour faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. JAMES 1:2–4
Did you notice the last phrase—”let perseverance complete its work”—suggesting it’s up to us to allow this process for our growth? Trials build perseverance, which in turn fosters spiritual maturity. We need to embrace this journey without resisting, allowing it to unfold naturally.
If we allow Him, God can use our periods of waiting to mold us into the individuals He designed us to become. Recognizing our weaknesses and needs, God provides numerous stories of faithful individuals who also struggled with waiting.
The individuals we encounter in Scripture often receive multiple chances, demonstrating God’s abundant grace. Although waiting seasons are challenging, they also present opportunities. During these times of waiting for God’s timing, we can gradually build our character, one step at a time.
In our waiting seasons, perseverance can finish its never-ending work in us. As perseverance does its thing, we get the chance to become our best selves, the people God makes us to be.
Pitfalls to Avoid While Waiting on God’s Timing
The temptation during waiting times is to torment ourselves with questions we can’t answer, questions no one can answer: Why? Why me? How long? The questions that you can answer are: How will I wait? Who will I become along the way?
Choosing who we want to be while waiting on God’s timing starts with identifying the Enemy’s traps so we can avoid them. There are many pitfalls of waiting, but here we’ll list some of the most dangerous, along with the thoughts that often accompany them. Perhaps these thoughts will sound familiar:
The Pitfall of Bitterness
“I can’t believe this has happened to me. I don’t deserve this. I’ve spent years trusting and serving God, and this is what I get in return?”
The Pitfall of Selfishness
“I can’t focus on anyone else; I have to look out for myself right now.”
The Pitfall of Self-Reliance
“I’ll have to take care of myself since God is not here to do it.”
The Pitfall of Doubt
“Does God love me? Does He even know I exist? Because there’s no way the compassionate heavenly Father I grew up believing in would let a beloved daughter go through something like this—so either He doesn’t hear, doesn’t care, or doesn’t exist.”
The Pitfall of Manipulation
“I can’t stand it. If God won’t bring me a future spouse, then I will find one myself. I’ll sleep around, get on apps, and dress promiscuously; while my plan may not align with God’s word, I can’t sit around and wait forever. I have to do something about this.”
The Pitfall of Cynicism
“OMG, she is so happy—she better enjoy it while it lasts. She has no idea how life can turn on a dime.”
The Pitfall of Envy
“Why would God give her the thing I’ve been begging for all these months when she didn’t even really want it? She will never appreciate it the way I would. She doesn’t deserve it.”
The Pitfall of Self-Pity
“Everyone else is happy. Everyone else always gets what they want. No one cares. No one understands. I’m so alone.”
The Pitfall of Faithlessness
“God has forgotten me. His promises are failing. I don’t think they’re ever coming true. I don’t know why I even bother praying.”
The Pitfall of Depression
“My life is over. I’ll never be happy until…”
At some point in my waiting, I indulged in every one of these thoughts. Sometimes, I have fallen all the way down the rabbit hole (ahem, Mother’s Day, post-miscarriage) and had to find a way to scramble back out.
Ephesians 6 teaches us to put on the armor of God. When we go into spiritual battle, we will need to know where we require special protection—which parts of our spiritual armor have vulnerabilities or even gaping holes. Satan will take advantage of our weaknesses, but God can turn weaknesses into our strengths (Hebrews 11:34).
