Dating in today’s world has drastically changed. With the rise of dating apps and online dating, finding the right person has become challenging. Swiping through images of potential dates and communicating via text has become the norm.
However, decoding what a simple message like “hey” means after not hearing anything for three days can be brutal.
As a married 30-something, I spent the ages of 18-24 dating both in person and online (hello, plenty of fish!) and in quasi-serious relationships until I met my husband. So, I know a thing or two about how it all works.
Here’s what I would tell the 20-year-old me!
1. Don’t Completely Write Off Online Dating
Online dating can be a great way to meet new people and expand your dating pool. However, it also comes with its fair share of challenges. One of the biggest drawbacks of online dating is the lack of face-to-face interaction.
Getting to know someone through a screen can be difficult, and you never know if the chemistry will be there until you meet in person. Additionally, online dating can be time-consuming and emotionally draining. Endless swiping and messaging can lead to burnout and frustration.
Despite its challenges, online dating also has its upsides. It provides a platform to meet people outside your social circle and geographical area. You can connect with people who share your interests and values, leading to more meaningful connections. Online dating also allows you to take things at your own pace, which can be especially helpful if you’re shy or introverted.
The Dos and Don’ts of Online Dating
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Do: Be honest in your profile. Don’t misrepresent yourself or your interests.
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Don’t: Overshare or reveal too much personal information too soon.
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Do: Be respectful and courteous in your messages. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
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Don’t: Send unsolicited explicit messages or photos. This behavior is never okay.
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Do: Take things at your own pace. Don’t let anyone pressure you into moving too fast.
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Don’t: Ignore red flags or gut feelings. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts.
2. Don’t Be So Easy
I was the queen of going on what I thought were terrific first dates. I’d spend hours getting ready, imagining the guy to be Prince Charming incarnate – even before we’d met face to face!
And oh, the power I’d give these guys!
I’d sit back and let them take the reins, eagerly anticipating their next move. In retrospect, I realize that I was practically handing them the keys to my castle, so to speak.
But let’s get real for a moment.
More often than not, these guys were far from being the knights in shining armor I had built them up to be. In fact, most of them were more like jesters, not worth my time or energy. I can’t tell you how many dates I’ve been on where, midway through, I’d find myself wishing I’d stayed home in my sweatpants!
And yet, there I was time and time again, giving these guys way more credit than they deserved, far too quickly. I guess you could say I was a serial first-date optimist. But hey, at least it makes for some entertaining stories, right?
Lessons Learned
So, what did I learn from my reign as the first-date queen?
Don’t jump to conclusions about someone’s “relationship material” status before you get to know them. I mean, who hasn’t encountered a guy who loves going off the grid for a few days or, better yet – says he had a fantastic time and never reaches out again? Is it just me, or was this some universal dating phenomenon?
It’s essential to give yourself time to learn more about him.
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Who is he, really?
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What’s his story?
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How does he treat people in his life?
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What is he looking for in a relationship?
Don’t be like me. Don’t get swept away by the initial excitement and charm. Take your time, and get to know him before deciding how great he is. You might be surprised by what you find and save yourself a lot of heartache in the process.
Because, let’s face it, not everyone will be a perfect match, and that’s okay. The real magic happens when you find the person that is actually worth it!
3. Don’t Except Or Make Excuses
Have you ever found yourself making excuses for someone who isn’t giving you the time and attention you deserve? Maybe you’ve been in a situation where you’ve been waiting for a text or call from a guy who seems to always be “too busy” to reach out. You’re not alone.
His Excuses Show He Isn’t Into You
One friend made up every excuse under the sun for a guy who was not that into her, and she was basically the only one to reach out and carried that “relationship” for months. She would not hear from the guy for a week and either believed his excuses or made excuses for him. But we’ve all been there.
The truth is, if a guy likes you, he’s going to reach out and is going to want to see you. If he’s too busy, he’s either not interested or has a secret wife, baby, or girlfriend he isn’t telling you about (because that actually happened). Don’t waste your time making excuses for someone who isn’t making you a priority.
Let Him Make the First Move
It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship or potential love interest, but it’s important to take a step back and let the guy make the first move. Instead of constantly texting or calling him, wait for him to reach out to you. If he’s interested, he will make an effort to stay in touch and make plans to see you. Don’t chase after someone who isn’t reciprocating your feelings.
Value Yourself
If someone is consistently too busy for you, it’s a sign that they’re not right for you. Don’t waste your time and energy on someone unwilling to make you a priority in their life.
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Remember, no one is too busy for someone they truly care about.
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Don’t make excuses for someone who isn’t into you.
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Let him make the first move.
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Know your worth, and don’t settle for less.
4. Don’t Play Or Put Up With The Games in Relationships
It’s a common misconception that playing games in relationships can make them more exciting or keep the other person interested. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, games are the worst thing you can do if you want a healthy and happy relationship.
The Problem with Texting Games
One of the most common types of games people play is with texting. They might wait a certain amount of time before replying to a message or purposely not reply at all to make the other person want them more. But this is a terrible strategy that will only lead to frustration and resentment.
If you want to text someone, just do it. Don’t overthink it or try to come up with some clever tactic to get their attention. And if the other person isn’t responding, take that as a sign that they’re not interested. Don’t keep texting them hoping they’ll suddenly change their mind.
Why Honesty is Key
The key to any successful relationship is honesty and open communication. If you’re constantly playing games with the other person, you’re not being honest about your intentions or feelings. This can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings, ultimately sabotaging the relationship.
Instead, be upfront and honest with the other person. If you like them, tell them. If you’re not sure where you stand, have a conversation about it. Don’t try to manipulate or control the situation through games.
5. Don’t Rush It
It’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of a new relationship, especially when everything seems to be going perfectly. But diving in too quickly can lead to problems, as two guys I dated can attest to.
The Importance of Taking it Slow
Both relationships started off tremendous but soon became too much to handle. If I had taken the time to pace myself, I could have avoided ending those relationships prematurely.
It’s important to remember that a relationship is a marathon, not a sprint. Taking the time to get to know someone slowly will help you build a stronger foundation for the future.
Enjoy the Journey
If you’re in the “right” relationship, there’s no need to rush. Enjoy the journey and take time to appreciate each other. Spend time with your friends and family, and don’t forget to take time for yourself.
Remember, pacing yourself doesn’t mean you’re not committed to the relationship or that you’re not excited. It just means you’re taking a more thoughtful and deliberate approach to building something that will last.
The Bottom Line
When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment and make decisions based on your emotions. But by pacing yourself and taking the time to build a strong foundation, you’ll be setting yourself up for a healthier and happier future.
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Take the time to get to know your partner
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Spend time with your friends and family
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Don’t forget to take time for yourself
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Enjoy the journey
6. Don’t Agree To Something You Don’t Want
Be honest about what you’re looking for when it comes to dating. While it may be tempting to play it cool and keep your intentions hidden, this can lead to confusion and hurt feelings down the line.
The First Date
Of course, going on a first date and immediately announcing that you’re looking for a serious relationship is not the way to go. It’s important to take things slow and get to know each other before diving into any deep discussions about the future.
That being said, dropping hints that you’re looking for something more long-term is perfectly acceptable. For example, you might mention that you’re tired of casual dating or are interested in finding someone to build a future with. These subtle hints can help ensure that you’re both on the same page and looking for the same thing.
Dating in the Modern World
These days, it’s not uncommon for people to be looking for something “fun” or short-term. While there’s nothing wrong with this, it can be frustrating if you’re looking for something more serious. By being more upfront about your intentions, you can avoid wasting time with people who aren’t looking for the same thing as you.
Stop Settling
When I was 21, I dated a guy who had a secret life and was not interested in a committed relationship. One day, while we were driving to dinner, he told me that he couldn’t give me what I wanted. I remember trying to make it work because I feared being alone and not having someone to share my life with. Looking back, I realize I was settling and not respecting myself enough to walk away.
Now that I am older (and somewhat wiser), I know that if someone shows you who they really are or tells you what they want, it’s best to save yourself the trouble and walk away. It may be difficult initially, but settling for less than you deserve will only lead to heartache and disappointment.
Remember These Two Things
1. Dating is not easy. It can be challenging to find someone who shares your values, interests, and goals. It’s okay to feel lonely sometimes, but it’s important not to let that loneliness cloud your judgment and make you settle for less than you deserve. However when you find the right relationship here are 9 Ways to Show Your Spouse That They Are #1 In Your Life.
2. Being single is not a curse. It can be an opportunity to focus on yourself, your goals, and your passions. Use this time to learn more about yourself, explore new hobbies, and build meaningful friendships. When you are ready to date again, you will be more confident and self-assured.
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