Did you know that intimacy manifests in various forms, such as emotional, physical, intellectual, creative, and experiential? At its heart, intimacy is that deep sense of closeness and connection we all seek in our relationships. Today, we’ll focus on a particularly profound yet often overlooked type of intimacy: Spiritual intimacy.
What is spiritual intimacy?
Spiritual intimacy is how couples connect through core values, life missions, and overall purpose for our existence. Although it’s essential, discussions about spiritual intimacy are rare, despite numerous studies highlighting its importance.
This form of intimacy can be evident through joint activities like attending religious services or participating in spiritual rituals. It also includes personal growth and self-discovery.
Why is spiritual intimacy important in a relationship?
Spiritual intimacy is a potent, soul-stirring force that has the power to bind two hearts together, offering a beacon of faith to cling onto through the ebbs and flows of life. Just as shared interests and aligned worldviews can weave a vibrant tapestry of conversations and shared experiences, faith is a profound adhesive, sealing the bond in intimate marriages and relationships.
Embarking on spiritual voyages together can infuse depth and meaning into your relationship, unraveling layers of connection you never knew existed. Over time, this shared spiritual exploration can forge an unshakeable bond, paving the way for a richer physical and emotional closeness that satiates the soul.
Leaning on each other for spiritual support can unlock a world of trust and vulnerability, adding a new dimension to your relationship. It’s like opening a hidden door within your heart, inviting your partner to step in and explore, creating a sanctuary of love, understanding, and spiritual growth.
How can you tell if your relationship has spiritual intimacy; what are the signs to look for?
If you’re wondering whether your relationship has spiritual intimacy, here are some key signs to help you identify its presence:
- Shared Spiritual Activities: Engaging in spiritual practices together, such as prayer, meditation, or attending religious services, is a strong sign of spiritual intimacy.
- Deep Conversations: Frequent discussions about life’s purpose, the universe, morality, and other profound topics indicate a shared spiritual journey.
- Mutual Respect for Beliefs: Even if your beliefs differ, respecting each other’s spiritual perspectives is crucial. It shows a willingness to understand and grow together spiritually.
- Sacrifices and Compromises: If both partners are willing to make sacrifices for the other’s spiritual growth, it’s a good sign of spiritual intimacy.
- Emotional Support: Providing emotional comfort during challenging spiritual moments signifies a deep spiritual connection.
- Shared Values: Aligning core values is a key aspect of spiritual intimacy. This alignment often guides decisions and actions within the relationship.
- Spiritual Growth: If you and your partner inspire each other to grow spiritually, it’s a clear sign of spiritual intimacy.
- Trust and Vulnerability: Being open about your spiritual experiences, fears, and doubts requires trust and vulnerability, which are central to spiritual intimacy.
- Peaceful Conflict Resolution: A couple with spiritual intimacy usually resolves conflicts in a peaceful, respectful manner, recognizing that their bond is more significant than any disagreement.
- Empathy and Understanding: An empathetic understanding of each other’s spiritual journey indicates a high level of spiritual intimacy.
By recognizing these signs, couples can identify the level of spiritual intimacy in their relationship and work on areas that need strengthening. Remember, like any other form of intimacy, spiritual intimacy requires time, effort, and mutual commitment to flourish.
How can you tell if your relationship lacks spiritual intimacy; what are the signs to look for?
Recognizing a lack of spiritual intimacy can be challenging, but there are some signs that might indicate your relationship could benefit from a deeper focus on this aspect:
- Lack of Trust or Respect: If you find it difficult to trust your partner’s judgment or don’t respect their spiritual beliefs, it might indicate a deficiency in spiritual intimacy.
- Stagnant Growth: A relationship without spiritual intimacy often lacks growth. If you feel like your spiritual life has been stagnant or you’re not growing together as a couple, it’s time to pay attention.
- Emotional Distance: Feeling emotionally distant or disconnected from your partner can be a sign of lacking spiritual intimacy.
- Inability to Express Honestly: If you or your partner find it hard to talk about your spiritual beliefs and experiences, there might be a gap in your spiritual connection.
- Individualistic Approach: While spiritual growth is important, prioritizing personal spiritual pursuits over shared experiences can indicate a need for more spiritual intimacy.
- Absence of Shared Spiritual Practice: If you and your partner seldom engage in spiritual activities, such as prayer or meditation, it might suggest a lack of spiritual intimacy.
- Lack of Shared Values/Beliefs: Not having shared values or beliefs can lead to a disconnect. Finding common ground is essential for spiritual intimacy, even if your spiritual beliefs differ.
- Feeling Isolated: If one partner feels left out or excluded from the other’s spiritual journey, it’s a clear sign that spiritual intimacy needs to be improved.
These indications can help couples identify areas in their relationship that may need a spiritual boost. Remember, developing spiritual intimacy is a journey that requires patience, effort, and mutual understanding. It’s never too late to start working on strengthening this vital aspect of your relationship.
How do you develop spiritual intimacy in a relationship?
The following is a fusion of practices, characteristics, and concepts that converge to showcase the essential components required for nurturing and fostering spiritual intimacy. Let’s take a look:
Consecrate yourselves
Dedicating yourself spiritually means prioritizing your spiritual journey over worldly matters. This involves consciously steering clear of anything that may obstruct your connection with the divine or detract from your sacred time spent in communion with Him.
As a couple, your relationship should have a devotional quality, filled with worship and praise. Potentially start your day with spiritual activities like reading religious texts, praying, or reciting verses over each other and your family. These daily spiritual habits will greatly impact your lives.
Related Reading: How to have a better relationship with God
Remember the innocence you and your partner share
Enjoyment and vitality can be hard to find if you’re constantly burdened by guilt. Remember, Jesus sacrificed Himself for our sins, liberating us from guilt and shame. By placing your faith in Jesus as your Savior, you receive His righteousness, which covers your sins. His pure, blameless life makes us perfect in God’s eyes. So, when you entrust your life to God, you are justified, freed from the guilt of sin. We experience freedom because Jesus bore our punishment.
Even when you make mistakes, your inherent innocence remains intact. What truly matters is your readiness to recognize your mistakes and make amends. There’s no need to cling to blame or shame. If you are filled with anger and self-reproach or blaming your spouse over a mistake, remember that this isn’t how God perceives you. Your true self is always innocent. It’s always safe to introspect, acknowledge your mistakes, and reclaim your innate innocence. A crucial element of spiritual intimacy is practicing this loving, forgiving perspective with each other.
Release the past everyday
Offering clarity of mind to your partner is one of the greatest gifts you can give. A couple with clear consciousness is either free from past burdens or, at the very least, aware of their current state. For instance, a couple would know if one spouse harbors lingering anger over an incident that occurred a decade ago. Couples who maintain total clarity must consistently choose their spiritual path over ego-driven responses (hurt, pain, anger). However, it’s important to acknowledge if you find yourself stuck in resentment or anger. Share with your partner that you need assistance to navigate through these emotions. Holding onto past issues can hamper your spiritual intimacy.
Develop a team mindset
A couple functions as a unit, aiming to resolve disagreements together. There’s a simple strategy for handling potential disputes, a technique called ‘the highest thought game.’ Here is how you play:
- Each person must give up their “position” and “need” to be right.
- Then strive to obtain the highest possible thought for a solution.
- The ‘highest thought’ is the most optimistic, loving, productive idea that benefits everyone involved and resonates positively within your body.
- It’s irrelevant who comes up with the ‘highest thought.’ The other partner willingly aligns themselves with this most positive idea.
- If you find yourself with two positive thoughts and are unable to discern which is the ‘highest,’ it’s agreed that you’ll separate to meditate on it. Usually, though, the ‘highest’ thought can be identified by the sense of relief it brings to your body.
Here is a very simple example.
Let’s say a couple is about to disagree on the subject of what you want for entertainment during one evening. He wants to go bowling. She wants to go to the movies.
You implement the game by examining the possibilities:
(Option 1) he could go bowling alone while she goes to a movie alone, or (Option 2) they could both go bowling tonight and then attend a movie together tomorrow night, or (Option 3) they might also consider alternate plans like visiting a spa or relaxing at home. The process continues until they identify the ‘highest thought’ among all options, the one that brings them the most joy.
This conflict resolution game can solve anything a couple faces. Sadly when a conflict arises, most couples revert to being an individual leading to arguing, bickering, blame, and finger-pointing.
Related Reading: How to navigate conflict without killing each other
Accept the Holy Spirit
The couple is receptive to new norms and fresh energy, ready to welcome the influence of the Holy Spirit in their relationship. They must consciously invite the Holy Spirit into their bond daily, allowing its presence to be sensed. This decision to incorporate higher levels of spirituality into the relationship is conscious and may feel weird at first. This form of spiritual closeness with your partner needs to be nurtured and prioritized. Of course, having an intimate relationship with God is a prerequisite.
Related Reading: Understanding the Holy Spirit
Pray together
A daily spiritual practice is essential, and it’s even better if it’s performed together. Initially, you can keep it quite straightforward. The saying, “The family that prays together stays together,” holds a lot of truth. More than anything else, it’s a prayer of unity.
Serve each other
Understanding your partner’s wants, needs, and desires and assisting them in fulfilling these can increase your happiness. If you’re genuinely in love, giving your partner what they desire brings immense joy. In reflecting on the type of relationship I want, I coined the term ‘bottomless ease.’ If I can convey this concept to my spouse, we can strive to achieve it and incorporate it into our individual and collective daily practices through prayer.
Related Reading: Learning what your partner needs
Develop a mission together
Imagine the possibilities if a couple, from the outset, decided on a mission they intended to fulfill together for the world and then made it happen! This spiritual mission could take the form of a joint career. However, even in separate careers, they can still determine what kind of service they can provide outside their professions.
When individuals are profoundly in love, their joy often leads to a genuine concern for the world’s state, sparking a desire to contribute meaningfully. If the love feels stagnant, it may be due to a lack of this service mindset. It’s never too late to imbue your relationship with this attribute. It is a gift to the world and enriches the connection, giving it a deeper sense of purpose. It’s always prudent to focus on something larger than oneself. Missions are fulfilling.
Most people underestimate what they could achieve if driven by a clear mission. It’s beneficial to challenge yourself with a significant stretch. This helps you grow and extend your benevolence to the world.
Respect each other’s boundaries
This forms the bedrock of the couple’s relationship. They understand that everyone is created in God’s image. They continuously concentrate on their partner’s positive attributes, amplifying those. Consider how you would treat a revered guest, perhaps someone like Jesus. You would undoubtedly treat him with the highest respect. Doesn’t your beloved, who you claim to be in love with, deserve the same level of courtesy? Ponder on that!
Find community
The couple finds solace and forms deep, intimate friendships by participating in a spiritual community. They understand that expecting their partner to fulfill all their needs is unrealistic. It’s erroneous to believe that just because we have a loving mate, we don’t require support from others.
Imagine being part of an incredible group of individuals, all collaborating on ideas and assisting each other in healing, achieving happiness, and becoming whole. This isn’t about joining a cult or commune. There’s a vast difference between a cult and a genuine spiritual family. In a cult, you surrender all your power to the leader and are often expected to sever ties with your biological family. In contrast, in a spiritual family, everyone can aspire to be leaders together, and everyone helps everyone else evolve. The only entity in control is God.
Seek a community where you and your partner can be part of a supportive group of individuals who empower you to realize your full potential. A community where you can honestly and openly discuss the challenges you face in your relationship or life and receive assistance. Having friends with whom you share a close bond can alleviate significant stress from your relationship. These friends nurture you and keep you on track.
Imagine spending time with people who shun negativity and instead embrace their vitality, innocence, and magnificence. Visualize being part of a group that wants you to prosper and express your divine nature.
Related Reading: How to navigate church hurt
Conclusion
Spiritually intimate couples, like any other, face challenges; however, their approach to solving these problems distinguishes them from couples in less spiritually intimate relationships. They employ the Holy Spirit and biblical principles to tackle issues, marking a significant distinction. These couples are committed to eradicating dysfunctional patterns from their past, breaking destructive cycles, and paving the way for healthy models.
We urge you and your partner to delve into these characteristics and practices together. Aim to embody and apply them in your life. There may be instances where you falter or fail to achieve them but remember, getting back up and trying again is what matters most. Never stop trying. As you navigate this rising process each time you fall, you’ll subtly discover that you’re developing a more profound spiritual intimacy – with each other, yourselves, and God.
Related Reading: How to navigate conflict without killing each other
