What’s The Big Deal About Sex?
Why is it that asking questions outright about sex is just awkward and embarrassing for all? All over the internet, you can get information about sex; after all, porn is one of the most searched things online. Consider this, Pornhub released a report showing a staggering 86% of Americans watched Pornhub videos on their phones in 2022.
With that many people watching porn, it is clear that the topic of sexual intercourse makes us curious while, at the same time, most of us are filled with shame and probably even disgust. This blog is meant to release you from your shame while hopefully providing answers to your curiosity.
What You Think About Sex Matters
Our human sexuality is a crucial part of our identity as children of God. God intentionally made us sexual beings and designed our human sexuality to be a strong force. Due to a lack of discussion and teaching on this topic among Christians, both women and men may feel confused about how to navigate their sexuality.
The internet, with its random blogs, erotic novels, and magazines, appears to offer more sexual advice than Christian resources. This leaves men and women assuming that God doesn’t have much to say about sex, except for the guideline of waiting until marriage.
I’ve encountered many Christians facing sexual challenges. In the quietness of the church, they have to navigate challenging experiences such as childhood sexual abuse, exposure to porn, strong temptations, homosexual thoughts, and betrayal in marriage.
A lot of people think that their happiness is taken over by sexuality, and it appears to be a hurdle in honoring God. We need to understand God’s perspective on our human sexuality.
A Common Story That Shows How Most Of Us Develop Our Thoughts About Sex
It’s common for everyone to have thoughts and beliefs about sex that may not be grounded in truth. Misinformation about sex might stem from inadequate teaching or silence, especially in religious settings. Regardless of its source, this misinformation can influence the decisions we make.
Here’s a common story: June was raped by a boy in her neighborhood. She didn’t tell anyone because she was scared and felt ashamed to admit it out loud. As a fifteen-year-old girl, she formed various conclusions about herself and her sexuality.
She internalized falsehoods like “Sex is dirty. I’m damaged goods. The only way a boy will like me is through giving him sex.”
In high school, June went from boy to boy and experienced a secret abortion. Now, as a thirty-year-old wife and mother, she appears to be a wholesome Christian. Yet, the unspoken messages, violations, and secret sins from her past continue to influence her thoughts and have an impact on her marriage.
Despite her love for the Lord and reading the Bible, she finds it hard to shake off the shame from her past. I’ve met many like her who struggle to break free from past burdens. If you want to embrace a healthy view of human sexuality truly, you need to be ready to challenge the lies you’ve believed with the truth found in God’s Word.
You Can’t Separate Your Human Sexuality From Your Spirituality
One of the most important things we’ve discovered while studying God’s perspective on sex is this: Whether you’re single or married, enjoying great sex, or not having any, your sexuality is closely connected to your spirituality. In reality, every sexual choice is also a spiritual choice. Sex is more than just a physical act; it involves the spiritual aspect, too.
Pause and reflect on that.
Many human beings have created a strong barrier between sexuality and spirituality. Their sexual desire, shame, and temptations may seem distant from their desire to please and know the Lord. I believe that these walls we construct between the sexual and spiritual realms are only in our minds.
Confusion and concealed pain linked to sex are closely woven into our current relationship with Jesus Christ.
What is God’s purpose for human sexuality?
We understand that God created sex for various reasons—such as procreation, pleasure, and the intimate connection between a husband and wife.
Yet, one of the crucial reasons He created sex is to communicate about Himself. God recognizes our limitations as creatures, understanding our challenge in grasping spiritual truths. Throughout Scripture, God uses physical images to illustrate spiritual truths.
God designed sex and the covenant of marriage as a powerful metaphor to illustrate how intimately He knows us and desires for us to know Him. Here’s an interesting point: the Hebrew word for sexual intimacy between a husband and wife in the Old Testament is “yada,” which literally means “to know deeply or intimately.” The word “yada” appears over 930 times in the Old Testament, and while there isn’t that much discussion about sex, it’s most frequently used to describe intimacy with God—His intimacy with us and our intimacy with Him.
Sexual intimacy paints a vivid picture of the gospel, showing how close and joyful our connection with God can be. Christian marriage is meant to highlight this beautiful picture. The commitment in marriage (till death do us part) reflects the promise of Jesus Christ to never leave or forsake us. The romantic hopes of a single woman resemble the anticipation of a bride waiting for the ultimate salvation—Jesus Christ’s coming. If our understanding of sexuality is damaged, it will impact how we see Jesus Christ.
Human sexuality is more than just what you do with your body. It’s like a holy symbol amid life’s challenges. The main idea is that what you believe about sex really makes a difference. Hence, understanding God’s view on the matter, whether you’re single or married, is essential for your growth as a follower of Jesus Christ.
We Are Sexual Beings Before Marriage
Did you know that single men and women are also sexual beings? As human beings, our sexuality isn’t determined by whether or not we are involved in sexual relationships. Some Christians grow up thinking they’ll only become sexual after getting married. They believe that saying vows and wearing a wedding ring somehow flips a switch. Before the wedding day, they feel it’s not okay even to have a sexual thought.
Single individuals are sexual beings created in the image of God. Your sexuality isn’t something separate, reserved for marriage; it’s woven into every part of your being—intellectual, emotional, relational, and spiritual. It’s a fundamental aspect of who God designed you to be.
We strongly believe that the biblical instruction to save sexual intimacy for marriage is still essential for today’s Christians. The complete expression of sexual intimacy was designed to happen exclusively within the commitment of marriage.
Related Reading: Purity Does It Matter?
No matter the changes in morals and ethics, it doesn’t change the fact that your human sexuality involves more than just your body. Sexual relationships are a meaningful emotional and spiritual bond that carries lasting consequences; there’s no such thing as casual sex.
Even though God instructs you to reserve sexual intimacy for marriage, your human sexuality is a constant part of who you are, even of your aren’t having sex.
We usually discuss the physical side of sex, but we overlook that our human sexuality is what leads us into relationships, sparks the desire for marriage, and expresses the need to be known, heard, understood, and protected. It’s a deep longing to connect soul to soul with another person and, at the core, a yearning to be known by God. Even if you’re single, your sexuality has a purpose.
We Should Be Sexual In Marriage
It might feel odd to have the words God and sex together. When I discuss this, some people react strongly to the idea of God being aware of their sex life. The Scriptures remind us that God is always with us; there’s nowhere we can hide from His presence, not even in the bedroom!
It’s often tough for many of us to grasp the idea that God cares about our sex life. If one looks past the “strange” feeling we all get when talking about a sex, we will see that sex is not something dirty, sinful, or shameful—as these qualities don’t belong with God. For most of us, though, the idea of inviting God into the bedroom seems entirely absurd, as these two aspects appear fundamentally incompatible, especially if you grew up in church.
Why Sex In Marriage Can Be Challenging If You Grew Up In Church?
You probably grew up hearing the warnings about sexual immorality in Proverbs 5:1–11. However, if you continue reading (Proverbs 5:18–19), suddenly sexual pleasure is portrayed as a wonderful, God-given gift, where husbands are encouraged to always find joy in the sexual love of their wives, and wives are urged to do the same.
The entire Song of Songs reinforces this message within the covenant of marriage. In addition, the apostle Paul teaches us that a godly marriage should include frequent and satisfying sexual intimacy (1 Corinthians 7:3–5).
But after years of warnings against giving oneself away and negative messages about sex, both men and women may find it challenging to make the shift between the beginning and end of Proverbs. It’s understandable, as a wedding ring and ceremony don’t automatically redeem one’s sexual drive. The transition can be a significant and complex process.
Know That Sex Matters In Marriage
God created humanity to be sexual and to enjoy sexual pleasure as an integral part of human life. Your sexual drive reflects the innate, God-given passion for connecting, committing, celebrating, and sharing yourself most intimately with another human being.
While sexual restraint is the challenge before marriage, uninhibited sexual expression may become a challenge within marriage. Unfortunately, some Christians mistakenly believe it honors God to withhold or subdue sexual pleasure in the marriage bed. However, nothing could be further from the truth!
Within the covenant of marriage, you have God’s permission to cast off every restraint and fully enjoy the gift of sexual expression with your spouse. Regrettably, many married couples struggle to embrace this idea. Past wounds or mistakes, which induce guilt, may lead both women and men to withhold pleasure from themselves.
At times, figuring out how to enjoy sex can be challenging. Some individuals subconsciously retain the message that sexual pleasure is shameful. Our journey to embrace sexual pleasure in our own marriage has been significant. We’ve faced and overcome various barriers, including physical pain and confusion about God’s view of sex.
We didn’t actively seek healing in these areas until we realized that it genuinely pleases the Lord for a married couple to find joy in erotic pleasure together.
As a married couple, recognize that withholding sexual pleasure from yourself or your spouse is not a God-honoring endeavor. You have the opportunity to reclaim the beautiful gift of erotic love from the various ways in which it has been distorted in our world.
What Is Sexual Immorality?
God created humanity to experience pleasure through sexual touch and expression. By placing a high concentration of nerve endings in the genital areas of both males and females, God intended for us to enjoy a sexual relationship with each other. The morality of a sexual union depends on how we approach and pursue it.
While a young child may not grasp the moral significance of different body parts, as adults, we recognize that God expects us to honor Him in how we express our human sexuality. Chapter 5 of Proverbs provides valuable insights into sexual pleasure and sexual sin. Seeking a sexual union outside of marriage is a risky endeavor. It can result in the death of a ministry, a marriage, or a testimony of intimacy with God.
In this proverb, Solomon paints a vivid picture of the outcomes of sexual immorality. Engaging in sexual activities with someone you’re not married to or viewing explicit images of strangers is not just morally wrong but also poses risks to your emotional and spiritual well-being. Consider how many lives you’ve witnessed being negatively impacted by impulsive sexual behavior. The wisdom in Proverbs advises that a male and female should actively avoid sexual temptation, recognizing its potent and harmful nature.
Can I Be Godly And Gay?
Same-sex marriage or relationships is a susceptible and explosive topic. If you identify with same-sex tendencies, it goes beyond a theological debate; it delves into how you perceive yourself and your relationship with God. The discourse around homosexuality doesn’t only affect individuals in the LGBT community but all of human life.
Irrespective of your sexual identity, you will inevitably need to navigate your perspectives on this matter. You’ll likely have a close friend or family member who identifies as gay. You’ll face decisions about attending a same-sex wedding, hosting a couple for dinner, or even choosing a church; based on if they support same-sex marriage. Every situation requires personal reflection and decision-making.
Over the past decade, there has been a significant shift in Christian perspectives on homosexuality. New scientific or theological findings haven’t driven this transformation; many individuals simply have reconsidered their beliefs.
In the current evolving societal landscape, expressing views that deviate from accepting homosexuality as a valid lifestyle approved by God is often perceived as unloving, judgmental, and even hateful. In some places, it may even be considered a criminal stance. The paradox of being a Christ-follower lies in the fact that, despite the changing world, the nature of God remains constant.
While our interpretations and emphasis on biblical teachings may vary, the Word of God is a steadfast foundation for Christians, both those living two thousand years ago and today. However, standing firm on these truths can be challenging when the cultural currents swiftly turn against them.
If you’re unfamiliar with what God says specifically about homosexuality, look at the following verses: Genesis 19, Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Romans 1:24–27, 1 Corinthians 6:9, 1 Timothy 1:10.
It’s evident that even in biblical times, there were challenges related to sexual identity and orientation, even if they lacked specific labels for them. While the categorization of same sex issues has developed more recently, the fundamental aspects of human beings have remained unchanged.
The Bible’s guidance on sexual sin and homosexuality speaks to human brokenness, regardless of the terminology we use. I would recommend conducting your own research on the issue.
Remember that when seeking knowledge or understanding, it’s crucial to base our approach on understanding who God is. The question of being “godly and gay” is not likely to find resolution by introspection into our own identities; instead, it requires looking upward at who He is: absolutely holy and unconditionally loving. Embracing His holiness is integral to understanding God’s love.
