Extraordinary sex is all about experiencing a wide range of sensations in your body. While it might seem obvious, improving your sex life often leads you to focus on trying different positions or exploring fantasies. But have you ever considered how to make yourself more sensitive to the sensations within your body?
Related Reading: 10 Positions That Get The Job Done
Engaging in sexual activities outside of the bedroom can trigger an adrenaline rush, enhancing the overall erotic experience and making the act feel more spontaneous and exciting.
During “bad sex,” you might feel numb or disconnected, while great sex is characterized by intense, outrageous sensations. Many of us rely on initial sexual chemistry to enhance sensitivity, but this often fades as relationships progress. In long-term partnerships, staying sensitized is crucial for maintaining an exceptional sexual connection.
One effective way to achieve this is by spending time before sex reawakening your five senses and tuning into your bodily sensations. This practice can transform an average encounter into a life-changing experience. We’ll share some common barriers to deep sensation and introduce a practice you can do with your partner to start having sensational sex!
The first section is for men to read while the second section is for women to read:
What man should know to have sensational sex with a woman
Sensational sex isn’t about your “performance”
When men discuss their sexual performance, the conversation often centers around metrics: Did they last long enough? Were they hard enough? Did she orgasm multiple times, or at all? Rarely do they reflect on how deeply they experienced sex themselves.
In our sex-crazed society, it’s easy to overlook that a woman isn’t seeking a well-tuned sex machine; she wants a man who is fully present, feeling both her and himself during sex. Unfortunately, the pressure men place on themselves, coupled with societal expectations, often shifts the focus to maintaining an erection and following a set plan, rather than on the inner experience of sex.
While this approach might make you a competent lover, it won’t make you a legendary one. Most women dislike feeling that there’s an agenda to be fulfilled during sex. While they may appreciate a rock-hard erection and stamina, they’d much prefer to experience the vibrancy of a man who is fully present with both himself and them.
A man who can last a long time but remains disconnected is far from every woman’s dream. On the other hand, a man who embodies power, strength, and sensational sensitivity, making love in a fully present and embodied way—that’s what nearly every woman desires.
Related Reading: 23 Mistakes Men Make While Having Sex
Learn to master sexual sensitivity for extraordinary intimacy
Being present and embodied means feeling the sensations in your own body while making love. You might experience this during orgasm or when the passion is intense, but what about the rest of the time? Can you stay aware of your body even when you’re not fully immersed in passion? Can you remain tuned into her instead of drifting off into fantasy?
Are you conscious of how things feel during foreplay, the initial penetration, and throughout the entire experience? Or are you focused solely on reaching orgasm, rushing through the sensations to hit the goal? You might worry that if you truly tune in and feel, your body won’t perform as expected or it might seem “unmanly” to experience deep sexual sensitivity. Yet, embracing this sensitivity enhances your ability to engage with courage, strength, and awareness in all aspects of life. A man feels truly masculine to women when he is fully present in his own body.
Understanding that certain body parts have a high concentration of nerve endings can lead to heightened sensitivity and pleasure during intimate touch. Feeling sexual sensations is a practice, much like any other skill. If you commit to honing this practice and dedicate time each day to it, you’ll start to master it. It might seem soft, sensitive, or even girly, and some men might roll their eyes at the idea of working on sexual sensitivity. However, the pleasure you experience as a result will make you grateful. For practical ways to expand your sexual sensitivity, I’ve included the practices of sandboxing and penis Massage below.
Nurture and Develop Sensual Awareness
I can tell you that 99% of women are deeply self-conscious during sex. They worry about not feeling enough or feeling too much, and they stress about how they look, feel, smell, and taste. They worry about being seductive enough to captivate you while also being sweet enough to avoid judgment.
Many women are anxious about taking too long, not reaching orgasm, not being pretty or thin enough, and they also fear that being wildly uninhibited or expressing their full pleasure might unsettle you.
Furthermore, many women have faced some form of sexual shaming, trauma, or abuse, leading to fears that deep-seated sadness or emotional contraction might resurface during sex. This background can significantly block a woman’s natural sensitivity.
For her to experience profound pleasure, being in tune with her sexual sensations is essential. It may not be about what you do to her, but rather how much she allows herself to feel. Many women have been culturally conditioned to disconnect from their vaginas, their bodies, and their desires. Understanding that different body parts can evoke feelings of excitement or arousal when stimulated is crucial. Individual preferences vary, and many different body parts can be considered sexual based on personal sensitivity and partners’ feedback.
Focus on cultivating an emotional connection
The most important thing you can do is create an emotionally safe space for her. This doesn’t mean making promises of marriage; it’s about fostering an environment where she feels free to express whatever she’s experiencing. For many women, sex is an emotional roller coaster.
Most people typically engage in sexual activities in low light, affecting their level of connection and visibility.
She might burst into tears, feel intense anger, shut down in fear, dive deep into passion, or even have a profound spiritual experience. While this may seem like unnecessary drama, access to her emotions is crucial for her to reach those life-changing orgasms. If she’s preoccupied with how she’s performing, how she looks, or whether you can handle her emotions, she won’t achieve that level of intimacy.
Being the kind of man who invites a woman to fully embrace her sexuality is the kind of man who will be remembered for a lifetime. The key is letting her know it’s okay to cry, to shut down, to freak out, to experience a massive orgasm one day and feel nothing the next.
This isn’t something you can fake. It’s a skill you develop over time by consistently improving your ability to handle her varied emotional expressions, especially in the bedroom.
Related Reading: Conversations For Better Intimacy
Learn to create Space for Sensual Exploration
The second way to help her is by giving her the space to relax and feel. This is where the practical aspect comes in, and I’m sharing two great practices: Sandboxing, which you can learn below, and Pussy Massage. If you regularly suggest and offer these practices, she’ll start to blossom, and you’ll both be having way more epic sex.
What a woman should know to have sensational sex with a man
You posses a wildly deep feminine sexuality, and whether your partner realizes it or not, every man desires to make love to you while you’re connected to that state. Any man worth sleeping with craves a woman’s fully unleashed sexual vulnerability and power. Likewise, deep down, every woman longs to unleash that power with a man she desires. Yet, so many women struggle to even feel or express themselves during sex.
Unpacking the Barriers to Female Sexual Pleasure
Let’s be frank: 3,000 years of feminine sexual repression, abuse, shaming, guilt, and fear handed down through culture and religion have weighed heavily on our ability to let go sexually. Almost no woman has emerged unscathed. Sexual insecurity, self-doubt, harsh inner judgment, and lack of libido are often seen as “normal” female issues—but they aren’t.
To feel deeply, to move past all that residue, and to allow yourself your full feminine sexuality takes courage, willingness, and deep compassion. And it is totally possible.
Embrace Sensation: The Key to Unleashing Your Sexual Potential
The key to unlocking your full sexual potential lies in learning to truly feel. Becoming deeply aware of your body—your vagina, breasts, and belly—and fully experiencing your sensations during sex requires both practice and courage. Often, deep-seated emotions and past sexual repression make it challenging to relax. Instead, you might find yourself preoccupied with how you look or whether you’re going to orgasm.
Sex drive, the desire or excitement to engage in sexual activities, varies among individuals and can be influenced by various factors such as stress and emotional connections.
Sensational sex involves breaking free from this trap and immersing yourself in the sensations happening in your body. This means letting go of judgment and criticism, and instead, committing to creating a safe space where your body can rediscover its natural sensitivity.
Allow yourself to cry if you need to. If you’re feeling numb, that’s okay. If an orgasm doesn’t happen, just keep focusing on the sensations you’re experiencing. And if you’re overwhelmed with desire, embrace that too.
Remember, you can’t control your feelings; you can only allow yourself to experience them.
Build Trust: The Foundation for Deepening Sexual Connection
Building trust with your partner is essential for this journey. You need to trust that he can handle the full spectrum of your sexual self. Start where you are in your relationship. If open conversations about sex haven’t been a part of your dynamic before, begin with basic communication. If you already discuss sex but haven’t yet shared your deeper fears and desires, now is the perfect time to start.
Creating this foundation of trust and openness will pave the way for a more intimate and fulfilling sexual connection.
Related Reading: How To Not Be Insecure In A Relationship
Get him to be more sensitive to sex
To make a man more sensitive during sex, start by recognizing that many men are unaware of how habitual masturbation and fantasizing can dull their sexual sensitivity. Simply telling him this may not be effective; he needs to experience firsthand the benefits of a new approach.
Rather than asking him to mimic your feelings, focus on introducing him to sexual practices that encourage him to slow down and become more attuned to his sensations. Create opportunities for him to experience the depth of feeling and connection that comes from being fully present during sex. By gradually incorporating these practices into your intimacy, you can help him develop a heightened awareness and sensitivity, enriching both of your experiences.
How?
Even if your man is already a good lover, there’s a lot more he could experience if he learned to slow down and tune into his sensations more deeply. Avoid giving him lectures or criticism. Instead, introduce him to practices like penis massages, and encourage him to breathe and relax. As he becomes more attuned to his own body and senses, he’ll likely discover that there’s a higher level of sensitivity and pleasure available before and during sex. This realization can lead to significantly enhanced sexual experiences for both of you.
How to Start Having Sensational Sex?
The technique we’ll explore is called sandboxing, which allows you to reconnect with a sense of playfulness and exploration. It’s about rediscovering each other’s bodies and preferences without any predefined agenda. This method creates a space where you can freely experiment with new touches and sensations.
Try exploring new areas of your partner’s body or experimenting with different stroking patterns using various parts of your hands or tongue. The goal is to let your partner experience each sensation without the pressure to respond in a particular way.
One of the biggest obstacles to experiencing sensational sexual arousal is the pressure to perform. By releasing the expectation to feel or respond in a specific manner, you open up to a deeper level of sensitivity and connection.
Sandboxing also enhances communication during sex. Sharing your sensations and experiences with your partner encourages them to try new things and fosters a stronger connection between you.
While this exercise can be applied to different parts of the body, we’ll start by focusing on your partner’s pelvic area.
What to do
First, decide who will go first. The recipient will lie down, be blindfolded, and be invited to feel each sensation as if it were their first time. You can sit between their legs, facing their head, or alongside their body to reach different areas.
Set a timer for 20 minutes, then warm your hands and begin to stroke your partner’s body with lots of attention. Start by oiling their body, using different strokes and tools to create various sensations. Always begin with softer pressure and ask, “Would you like it harder?” before trying anything more intense.
How to give him sexual pleasure?
As you explore his body make sure to touch and explore areas like the perineum, testicles, inner thighs, groin, stomach, frenulum, shaft, and any other spots you think he’d enjoy.
Try these movements:
– Long, slow strokes
– Short, faster strokes
– Deep pressure
– Slow circles with four of your fingers
– Using your fingers lightly
– Using both thumbs to stroke firmly
– The palms of your hands to stroke
– Pull on his testicles
How to give her sexual pleasure?
As you explore her body make sure to explore and touch her: Inner thighs, Belly, Perineum, Vaginal Opening, Inner Vaginal Lips, Outer Vaginal Lips,Clitoris, Pelvis
Try these movements:
– Long, slow strokes
– Shorter, faster strokes
– Placing hands firmly on her body
– Circles
– Holding her vaginal lips between two fingers and stroking up and down
– Stroking up and down with your thumbs along her groin and below her vaginal opening
– Placing your whole palm over her clitoris and doing small vertical or circular motions
How to Maximize Your Sexual Experience?
Get creative! Experiment with various touches and techniques, and encourage live feedback from your partner—the key is to let them fully experience each sensation. If you’re the recipient, your role is to focus intently on the sensations you’re feeling. Stay tuned in to your body and don’t hesitate to communicate your needs for more or less intensity, pressure, or speed. Partners can indicate their desire for more pressure by physically adjusting their position or grip, such as pulling someone closer or changing the way they touch.
After the session, take a few moments to reflect on and share your experiences. Discuss what you felt, what you enjoyed, and any insights you gained. This open exchange can deepen your connection and enhance future encounters. If you have sex after sandboxing, you’re likely to notice a significant boost in sexual sensitivity and pleasure.
Troubleshooting Tips
If your partner isn’t requesting adjustments in pressure, speed, or touch, check in with them using yes/no questions like, “Would you like me to press harder?” “Does it feel good when I touch you there?” or “Would you like me to touch you slower?” If they’re not responsive and you’re unsure about their experience, ask directly, “Does this feel good right now?”
It’s also important to remember that it’s okay if you don’t feel much at all initially—your body might feel dull or desensitized when starting out. As you continue practicing Sandboxing, your sensitivity and overall experience will gradually improve.
Embracing the Journey to Exceptional Sex
Embracing these practices—whether it’s fostering deep emotional safety, enhancing sensitivity, or experimenting with techniques like Sandboxing—opens the door to a richer, more fulfilling sexual experience. By making space for both partners to truly feel, express, and connect, you’re not just improving your technique but transforming your intimate life.
When you prioritize being present, exploring sensations, and communicating openly, you set the stage for the most extraordinary sex of your life. You create an environment where vulnerability and passion flourish, leading to deeper connections and more sensational experiences.
Remember, the journey to exceptional sex is about commitment and exploration. It’s about discovering new ways to connect and feel with your partner. As you integrate these practices into your relationship, you’ll unlock a new level of pleasure and intimacy that will make every intimate moment truly unforgettable.
