Mastering Self Intimacy: Learning To Love Yourself

How To Master Self Intimacy

There is a whole lot of bad advice floating around out there about how to overcome our problems as humans. Almost everyone will tell you, “Never give up,” “Just keep moving forward,” or “It’s just life; deal with it.” This is akin to driving with the brakes on. Life is telling us to STOP or at least SLOW DOWN, yet we are brainwashed to believe that we must keep going, and so we grind ourselves down until we can’t take anymore.

The wise ones eventually give up, and that is exactly why they succeed…

What exactly do I mean by “give up”? What I mean is to stop doing what does not work. If you are struggling in your life right now, obviously, much of what you are doing is NOT WORKING!

• So, why do you keep on doing it? 

• Why are you still complaining and thinking negatively? 

• Why are you still at the job you hate? 

• Why do you spend time watching 4 hours of television every night? Why are you eating fast food multiple times a week? 

• Why are you doing things you KNOW are not helping you in any way?

You are doing these things for one simple reason: You do not love yourself completely.

If you loved yourself, you would fill your mind, body, and soul with only the very BEST fuel. Would you put low grade fuel in a brand new Ferrari sports car? No! If you owned a Ferrari, I’m sure you would love that car.  Putting low grade fuel in it would ruin it, so you would never even consider doing that.

–So, why do you allow low-grade thoughts to dominate your mind?
-Why do you allow low-grade habits to dominate your life?
-Why do you allow low-grade food into your body?

Self-love is the solution to ALL your problems. I’m not saying it is easy to love yourself fully and unconditionally. No, it is certainly not easy when we have lived most of our lives doing the exact opposite, but through some simple practices, we can begin to turn our lives around into a purely positive direction.

We can, by taking baby steps in the direction of self-love, make loving your inner self a habitual way of being. When self-love eventually becomes an automatic habit of ours, we will know what it’s like to live an effortless life. Most people feel as if they are always moving against the grain. We face so much resistance, whether in the form of limiting beliefs, negative emotions, or bad habits. These dominate our life and make everything seem difficult.

In this blog, I will attempt to give you the very basics of what you need to know in order to begin building positive momentum in your life on the path to unconditional self-love, self awareness, happiness, and all the success you could ever desire.

What Is Self-Love?

Many of us often feel a void, whether it’s within ourselves, our lives, or our relationships with others. These feelings originate from a lack of self-love.

If we look up selfish in the dictionary, the definition is devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. Here are some synonyms:

• self-centered

• self-regarding

• self-absorbed

• self-obsessed

• self-seeking

• self-serving

• self discovery

• self examination

• egocentric

• inward-looking

• thoughtless

• uncaring

• unmindful

• insensitive

• uncharitable

• unkind

• greedy

• opportunistic

• looking after number one

Observe how the first seven synonyms all begin with ‘self’? If we examine the rest of the list, I believe we can unanimously agree that most, if not all, of the adjectives mentioned, are not ones we’d appreciate being described or referred to as.

Consequently, due to the negative perception of these concepts, we often lean towards self-sacrifice, prioritizing others to such an extent that we lose touch with our own identity.

The journey toward self-love is fraught with challenges. We all carry insecurities within us. Many of us harbor intense self-awareness or even deep-seated self-hatred regarding our physical appearances or weight. Feelings of inadequacy plague us in our careers, aspirations, objectives, and so on.

Sadly when we do not have self-love, it’s impossible to have self intimacy which is needed for healthy relationships with others.

What is  Self-Intimacy?

It might seem peculiar if you’re encountering the term self-intimacy for the first time. But in essence, self-intimacy involves acknowledging your own feelings, caring for them, and confiding them to your partner.

Self-intimacy isn’t merely about verbalizing your emotions. Some people are more adept at non-verbal expression. Regardless of your communication style, regularly connecting with your own feelings can foster a thriving long-term relationship with your partner.

The capacity to objectively analyze our actions is quite significant in the modern world, where most individuals seem to be operating at breakneck speed on auto-pilot. We behave without conscious thought, allow our minds to drift, and remain clueless about what’s amiss. Cultivating self-awareness enables us to recognize and address our emotions from moment to moment gradually. Eventually, we reach a point where feeling good becomes the norm rather than the exception.

3 Essential Insights Embrace Self-Intimacy

Insight #1. You are not responsible for the past.

The past is unchangeable and hence, not your responsibility.

Your task is to handle the present implications of your past actions. For instance, if you’re overweight due to years of unhealthy eating, dwelling on past decisions only breeds guilt and shame, leading to further unhealthy choices. Instead, wipe the slate clean and focus on the present circumstance.

How do you wipe the slate clean? Imagine you were born overweight – there’s no past to regret, no story justifying your state. This eliminates the victim mindset. With the past erased, your focus is solely on the present and future, opening up a world of possibilities. The past should serve as a lesson, not an excuse to remain stagnant. It is dead and gone and should only function as a tool for learning. However, many of us tend to use the past as an excuse to resist change.

We say things like this is how we’ve always been! Know this: The past is not really serving us much at all.

If we keep clinging to this narrative, we’re destined to repeat the same patterns. 

Do we really want that? Probably not. Most of us yearn for a bright future filled with limitless possibilities and genuine freedom. We’re weary of limiting beliefs, negative emotions, and detrimental habits. We must let go of the past and embrace rebirth to break free from these chains.

Insight #2. The most important time of your life will always be right now. 

Do not wait to be who you want to be because the future never comes!

Happiness is not a future promise; it’s available now. Waiting for joy is like expecting a drink from a faucet you never turn on. The truly happy don’t wait for handouts; they act on their deepest desires and shape their reality, not for specific outcomes, but for the sheer joy of honest self-expression. Take action toward your deepest desires – the only barrier is a lack of unconditional self-intimacy.

But know that now that you do not need to wait on self-intimacy either! Simply act as if you already love yourself, and through these actions, you’ll cultivate the love you seek. Love is your innate state, not something you need from others. It’s dormant within you because it lacks an outlet. To awaken this love, start pursuing your dreams.

Love blossoms from within when you express your authentic self instead of living a life dictated by expectations. In other words, it’s about choosing the life you would live if you knew failure was not an option.

FYI. Anyone reading this surely has some self-love. Be assured you’re on the right track. I’m merely echoing what you already know. Sometimes, we just need validation that it’s fine to follow our hearts and disregard others’ opinions.

The only person holding you back is you. Recognizing this brings you closer to freedom.

Once you understand that only the present moment exists, and you have the power to determine your thoughts, feelings, and actions at this moment, you realize your immense potential!

Essential Insight #3. Achievement happens through attraction, not effort.

Most of us struggle through life like it’s an uphill battle. 

It’s understandable why we live this ways as we think our actions directly cause outcomes. This oversimplified belief suggests that specific actions yield specific results. But if it were that simple, everyone would be living their dream life.

In reality, we struggle with unhappiness and find it challenging to take productive steps. Even when we do act, internal resistance often leads to mediocre outcomes at best.

Why is it so difficult for so many of us to do what we know we need to do?

Let’s delve deeper. What prompts actions? They are born from specific attitudes and emotions. The actions and energy radiated by an angry person starkly differ from those of a happy individual.

Mr. Angry and Mr. Happy could take identical actions but execute them differently, leading to diverse outcomes. Actions themselves don’t directly bring about results.

ATTITUDE is the cause of everything in your life.

Indeed, taking specific actions is crucial to achieving your goals. However, if these actions aren’t rooted in positivity, love, and kindness, the results won’t bring you the happiness you seek.

And now, we are back to the importance of self-love.

If you lack self-intimacy and respect, you’ll unlikely strive to cultivate positive habits. Those who harbor self-loathing often repeatedly self-sabotage. They might initiate changes, but their progress is typically a case of two steps forward and three steps back.

Many people face a recurring cycle: despite good intentions, outcomes never align with expectations, leading to frustration and blame. Those who break this cycle are persistent and understand the importance of positive self-perception.

We suggest shifting focus from the specific things you need to do and start thinking more about the type of person you need to become. When you think in terms of action steps, you are focusing your attention outward, and nothing in the external world can ever really bring you the lasting happiness you desire.

By shifting focus towards your inner attitude towards yourself and the world, you cultivate happiness that is independent of external factors. Prioritizing your attitude fosters happiness and facilitates positive change in your life. With a positive outlook, you eliminate the hindrance of negative thoughts while taking action. Consequently, you navigate life effortlessly, with your optimism naturally guiding you towards positive actions and desirable outcomes in every aspect of your life.

How Do I Practically Start To Love Myself?

While people read this guide, they might wonder, “You advise self-intimacy, which sounds appealing, but HOW exactly do I achieve that?”

Here’s a set of practical steps you can begin implementing TODAY to show more love for yourself and nurture an extremely positive mindset. Like anything, it will require practice. If self-loathing has been a long-standing habit, transitioning to unconditional self-intimacy may not be “simple,” but it’s entirely feasible in a relatively short timeframe if you consider the following recommendations seriously and start putting them into action.

#1. Pen down the phrase “I love and accept myself as I am” on a small card and keep it with you at all times in your pocket or purse. This may seem trivial, but it’s incredibly effective because it frequently reminds you of this positive affirmation. Each time you reach into your pocket or purse, you’ll be reminded of this statement. These subtle prompts gradually steer your mindset towards positivity; eventually, it will become second nature. The transformation might not be instantly evident, but these small steps accumulate over time, leading to meaningful enhancements in your life. Try it and witness the magic unfold, your self worth increasing!

#2. Make it a habit to consume inspiring or educational content every day. It’s crucial to consistently feed our minds with positivity, especially if we’ve been exposed to negativity for a long time. If you’re regularly exposed to television, violent films, video games, or individuals who complain or gossip, you’re constantly being negatively influenced. The only way to counteract this is by minimizing negative influences and amplifying positive ones. Reading books or listening to audiobooks is an excellent way to enhance positive inputs. In doing so, you will increase your self worth as well!

#3. Engaging in exercise and opting for healthier choices is a demonstration of self-intimacy. Initially, it may seem challenging, but as you start to appreciate the improvement in your well-being, you’ll grow to enjoy it. As you treat yourself better, your self worth will amplify. You might start reluctantly, devoid of any affection, yet with time, as you navigate through the discomfort, it will evolve into a sincere gesture of self-intimacy and care.

#4. Reserve quiet time for yourself daily. Just as you would take your significant other out for a movie, a lovely dinner, or an adventure, why not do the same for yourself? It could be as simple as taking time to be alone with your thoughts and genuinely LISTENING to yourself, just as you would listen to your loved ones. There is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying these moments alone. When was the last time you treated yourself as you would treat the people you love most? Don’t you also deserve that love and care? So, why not indulge yourself?

#5 This advice may sound familiar, but did you know there’s substantial evidence supporting the claim that penning down your emotional experiences (both positive and negative) can enhance your physical and mental well-being?

Even if you don’t consider yourself a prolific writer, spend time, just 10 minutes, daily to help unload your thoughts onto paper. Alternatively, you could experiment with a video diary, which can unexpectedly unearth valuable self-understanding.

#6 Adopt healthy methods of self-comfort. Stress is a habit, and the most effective way to break a habit is by substituting it with a better one. When you’re feeling detached or low, take a moment to identify your true needs. Often, healthier food choices or a bit more physical activity can counterbalance negative feelings.

Even small changes like opting for water instead of a second cup of coffee can have significant impact on time. Your relationship with yourself is paramount and vital for maintaining a profound connection with your partner (and enjoying all the wonderful intimacy that comes with it).

Conclusion

Self-care is crucial, especially for busy professionals juggling work, family, and social responsibilities. One effective method of self-care is through fostering intimacy, which can contribute to a sense of fulfillment. Here are some ways to enhance self-care through intimacy:

1. Allocate time for conversations with loved ones, deepening relationships and fostering connection.

2. Engage in physical touch, from simple hugs to massages, to feel loved and connected.

3. Prioritize personal time for activities like reading, yoga, or nature walks.

4. Express your feelings to loved ones, helping you process emotions and feel understood.

5. Show appreciation for others through gestures or words, strengthening bonds.

Practicing self-care through intimacy may be challenging amidst a busy schedule, but the resulting connection and fulfillment are worth the effort. We encourage you to become your own best friend!