What’s going on with dating today? Commitment is in Code Red.
For the millennial woman who wants a meaningful relationship, times are tough.
A generation ago, “taking things to the next level” meant getting engaged. Now it’s simply being an official girlfriend with a title.
Dating apps and websites have spoiled people for choice! If one doesn’t feel a connection pretty quickly, it’s on to the next.
Daters ghost out of each other’s lives in search of excitement, variety, and something better. I call it fast food dating, where everyone’s hooked on instant gratification, leaving a vast chasm between it and the deeper, more fulfilling relationships that we all want and truly crave.
The truth is, our current approach to dating provides a plethora of insecurities. And by the time you end up in a relationship, you spend time thinking about trivial things (do they like me, can I tell them everything, how far should I go, do they like my hair this way, etc.
But…
In any relationship, it is crucial to cultivate a sense of security for your partner. While it’s often assumed that ensuring security solely falls on us as individuals, real-life experiences have taught us that genuine security thrives when all parties involved intentionally nurture it.
When this foundation of trust and reassurance is solid, it allows both individuals to channel their energy toward building and enhancing the relationship and accomplishing meaningful milestones together.
Let’s embark on a journey together to build an unbreakable foundation of trust and emotional safety in your relationship! In this article, we’ll explore practical steps to ensure your partner feels safe and secure. Keep in mind that every couple’s path is different, but here are some general tips to get you started:
What is a secure relationship?
A secure relationship reassures your partner and shows them they hold a unique and irreplaceable place in your heart. When you’re truly committed to building a secure bond, you’ll go above and beyond to dispel any doubts or fears your partner may have. Your actions will speak volumes, leaving no room for uncertainty.
How can I create a secure relationship?
1. Appreciate and celebrate each other
It’s all about appreciating and celebrating them intentionally. Don’t ever assume they know how much you love and cherish them. Make it a point to constantly say and show that you care, especially in front of your family and closest friends.
Doing this sends a subtle signal to your loved ones that your partner is truly special to you. And hey, not only will your partner feel the love, but you’ll also score some brownie points along the way!
2. Be each other’s main priority
One effective way to instill a sense of security in your partner is by clarifying to everyone that you are no longer seeking a significant other.
There are various ways to communicate this message to the public. To start, consider deleting all your dating site accounts. Additionally, as you nurture a strong bond with your partner, you must refrain from flirting with anyone other than them.
When you engage in flirtatious behavior with others, it can make your partner feel as though they are lacking something essential. This often leads to feelings of jealousy and withdrawal, which can harm the relationship.
Related Reading: How to show your partner they are a priority
3. Be vulnerable with each other
To establish security in your relationship, engage in open conversations where you take risks with your partner. While you may not initially feel safe enough to take emotional risks, you will find that as you take emotional risks, you will start to feel secure.
Know that it’s natural to protect yourself from potential harm, but opening your heart to share tender and vulnerable feelings is the only way to break down your walls and cultivate a deep and lasting bond.
What does a healthy secure relationship look like?
1. You feel interdependence
When you strike a balance between personal growth and nurturing the relationship, you achieve a sense of harmony in both “me” and “we.”
Building a secure and mature bond takes time and effort. Feeling safe and independent within the relationship is essential. It allows you and your partner to enjoy fulfilling lives while supporting each other. As a result, you cultivate interdependence—a healthy and satisfying dynamic.
In a secure relationship, you have the freedom to pursue individual interests and spend time apart. Trusting that your partner will always return eliminates anxiety and the need for constant check-ins.
Instead, you prioritize their happiness even when it means being apart. This level of security affords you both the opportunity to invest energy back into yourselves.
By deepening your connection and learning how to navigate conflicts constructively, concerns about potential breakups fade away. Understanding when your partner needs space no longer provokes anxiety or fear of detachment.
At this stage, you can rediscover and reconnect with your individual identities while remaining connected and supportive of each other.
2. Your relationship stabilizes you
In a healthy and stable relationship, some individuals may find themselves longing for the element of unpredictability. While being in a secure and loving partnership, there might be moments when one yearns for the excitement and novelty experienced during the early stages of dating. Remember those instances of intense arguments and subsequent resolution, where constant turmoil felt both exhilarating and exhausting yet filled with a sense of instability?
Such moments of drama can serve as opportunities for developing effective communication styles that lead to resolutions. As a result, arguments become less frequent, and you can find solace in knowing that your partner will be there for you through the highs, lows, and mundane moments in between.
Being in a truly secure relationship entails reaching a point of acceptance for one another’s flaws, quirks, and all, fostering a deeper level of comfort together.
3. You plan for the future together
Relationship security is not solely derived from current circumstances but is also influenced by one’s goal-oriented and driven nature.
During the early stages of a relationship, there is a tendency to prioritize the partner and neglect other aspects such as work, academic pursuits, hobbies, and relationships with friends and family. As the relationship progresses positively, the desire for balance becomes apparent.
Consequently, efforts are made to allocate time and energy to friendships, family, work, and other areas, as both individuals strive to establish a life together. In this shared journey, unique spaces are formed that can only be filled by the presence of each other, ultimately contributing to a sense of security as a couple.
How can I make my insecure relationship a secure relationship?
In today’s world, there are diverse perspectives on what defines a relationship. Questions arise about whether it’s acceptable to date others when exclusivity hasn’t been established and if being exclusive automatically implies the terms “girlfriend” or “boyfriend.”
While some may perceive these labels as immature, I use them here to provide clarity and a universal understanding of where you stand with another person.
That being said, choosing not to define a relationship with clear labels is often a way for individuals to maintain flexibility while still feeling morally justified, inevitably creating massive insecurities.
Skipping the “Defining The Relationship” talk can leave you trapped in a whirlwind of self-doubt and uncertainty. It’s already challenging enough to deal with feelings of jealousy or disrespect, but not knowing where you stand can amplify these emotions.
Defining the relationship means a better understanding of our boundaries and fewer hurt feelings. And I wouldn’t be doing you a favor if I left out the truth: if he’s not willing to put a title on it, either he’s just not that into you, or he’s not afraid of losing you.
Most importantly remember, every relationship is unique, and it’s important to navigate the early stages at your own pace. You can lay a solid foundation for a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship by prioritizing communication, trust, and compatibility.
Related Reading: How to stop being insecure in a relationship
