Why Married Women Need Sex

Why do married women stop having sex?

When I became a mom for the first time at 30, I had no idea what to expect. I was thrilled to welcome my little bundle of joy into the world, but the demands of motherhood quickly took center stage. Between the sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and constant feedings, my husband’s needs (click here to read about what a man needs) and wants went to the back burner, meaning sex was the last thing on my mind.

Fast forward four years later, and I had my second child. By this point, our sex life had improved, but it took a significant amount of time and effort on my part. Between being pregnant, exhausted, and touched out, along with breastfeeding, sex felt like just another obligation. I’m sure I am far from alone here.

The Reality of Motherhood and Sex

Did you know that according to Motherly’s 2023 State of Motherhood survey, 60% of moms have sex twice a month or less? And get this, 33% of respondents report they’re neither satisfied nor dissatisfied with their sex life. In a word their sexual activity could be defined as “Meh.”

But I totally get it. Being a mom is wonderful, but let’s be honest; it can take a toll on being sexually active. Finding time and energy for sexual intercourse can be challenging with all the demands of motherhood, including work, kids, and household responsibilities.

As moms and married women, we’re often so focused on caring for everyone else that we forget about ourselves. We put our own needs on the back burner and can quickly become burnt out and resentful.

Still, by making sexual pleasure a priority, we’re taking care of ourselves in a way that can positively impact all aspects of our lives (plus, our husbands will appreciate it!)

Studies show that orgasms have major health benefits; it can lower stress levels, boost mood, lower blood pressure and improve sleep quality. Plus, releasing oxytocin during sex can strengthen emotional bonds and increase feelings of intimacy with our partners.

How can I make time for sexual intimacy?

Of course, making time for sexual intimacy can be easier said than done. But it’s important to remember that mind blowing sex doesn’t have to be a marathon session. Even just a few minutes of physical intimacy can significantly impact our well-being.

Here are some tips for making time for sexual intimacy as a busy mom:

Schedule it: Just like you schedule appointments and playdates, schedule time for sexual intercourse.

Get Creative: Intimacy doesn’t have to mean intercourse. Experiment with other forms of sexual pleasure.

Take Advantage of Naptime: If you have young children, take advantage of their naptime for some alone time with your partner.

Be Spontaneous: Remember when we were younger, and we used to make out in public under the bleachers, in cars, or the back of stores? I’m not saying you should get arrested, but try adding some spontaneity to your marriage. Everything doesn’t have to be in bed. Get creative and enjoy sex!

Prioritize Self-Care: Remember, intimacy starts with taking care of yourself. Make time for exercise, relaxation, and other activities that make you feel good.

Recommended Reading: How to Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship

How important is sex to a married woman?

Sex holds varying degrees of importance for married women, influenced by factors like personal preferences, emotional connection, and relational dynamics. Some prioritize sexual intimacy for its emotional and physical benefits, fostering closeness and pleasure within the marriage. Regardless of whether you believe that sex is necessary or not, frequent sex has many relational and health benefits. Below we will explore a few of the health benefits that come from a healthy sex life.

What are the benefits of orgasms?

Orgasms Reduce Stress and Anxiety: When you orgasm, your body releases endorphins, natural painkillers that promote pleasure and well-being.

Orgasms Boost Immune System: According to a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, people who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of immunoglobulin A (IgA) than those who had sex less frequently. IgA is an antibody that helps to protect your body against infections and illnesses. So, if you want to boost your immune system, having regular orgasms might just be the way to go.

Orgasms Boost Pregnancy Odds: Researchers at Indiana University found that sexual activity triggers physiological changes in the body, which increase a woman’s chances of getting pregnant. And it’s not just about timing—orgasms can help at any point in your fertility cycle. In fact, according to a 2015 article in Berkeley Wellness, having an orgasm could even improve the odds of conception. One reason is that vaginal and cervical contractions during orgasm can draw in sperm. And women who orgasm have been found to have more sperm in their cervical mucus.

Orgasms Improve Our Relationship: Orgasms help us bond with our partner, providing an opportunity for a more rewarding sex life. Strengthening your relationship has a wide range of benefits for your overall well-being. So, why not prioritize your sex life and improve your relationships simultaneously?

Orgasms Create Glowing Skin: During an orgasm, the blood flow to your entire body increases, providing extra oxygen and nutrients essential for skin health. This boost in circulation reduces inflammation and irritation, giving your skin a radiant, youthful appearance.

Orgasms Reduce Period Pain: Orgasms can be your best friend in reducing menstrual pain and improving your well-being. Why? Orgasms trigger the release of endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, that reduce pain perception and increase pleasure. Not only that, orgasms can also help relax your uterine muscles and reduce the severity of cramps.

Orgasms Help Improve Sleep: Orgasms increase slow-wave REM sleep, the deep sleep our bodies need for rest and rejuvenation. During an orgasm, serotonin levels elevate, which produces the hormone melatonin. Melatonin is known for its sleep-inducing properties, so it’s no wonder that orgasms can help you sleep soundly.

Orgasms Improve Heart Health: Studies have shown a positive correlation between sexual activity and cardiovascular health, with regular orgasms playing a crucial role. The hormones released during an orgasm, increased blood flow, and faster heart rate during sexual activity help improve cardiovascular health. According to a study published in the American Journal of Cardiology, individuals who have sex regularly are more likely to have healthier blood vessel function and lower blood pressure. This is because sexual activity increases nitric oxide production, which helps dilate blood vessels and improve blood flow.

Orgasms Improve Pelvic Floor Health: When you experience an orgasm, the muscles engaged during kegel exercises naturally contract. These muscles are located in your pelvic floor and play a vital role in bladder control, bowel movements, and sexual function. By contracting these muscles during orgasm, you give them a workout that can lead to a stronger and more mobile pelvic floor. According to studies, frequent orgasms can significantly improve pelvic floor health and prevent pelvic floor disorders such as incontinence or prolapse.

Conclusion

Prioritizing sex and orgasms can have amazing benefits on your physical, emotional, and relationship health. Sure, it might not always be easy to find private time, get in the mood, or reach the finish line, especially with all the stresses of caring for kids.

Personally, I found that it took my kids to be out of the newborn stage to feel a strong desire for sex. However, the more I made time for intimacy, the more I wanted it.

In conclusion, as moms, it’s easy to let the demands of motherhood take over our lives. But by reframing sex as the ultimate act of self-care, we can prioritize our own needs and desires and improve our overall well-being. So make time for intimacy, and reap the benefits of a healthy, happy sex life.

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If intimacy feels out of reach, you’re not alone. Our counseling helps you break down the barriers that keep you distant, reigniting connection and passion. We guide you in healing past wounds, improving communication, and fostering deeper, more fulfilling intimacy in your relationship—because you deserve closeness that feels natural and lasting.