PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, is a mental health condition that strongly impacts relationships. Coping with its symptoms can be challenging for both partners. If you truly care about someone with PTSD, leaving them is the least likely option. Inevitably PTSD harms the connection as the intimacy, kindness, and trust in the relationship tend to fade, often because the survivor struggles to express themselves.The survivor might also feel strong shame and guilt.
Even though post traumatic stress disorder can break relationships, you can prevent it from happening to yours. Many relationships fail because the other partner doesn’t understand what the survivor is going through.
Yet, if you equip yourself with knowledge about how PTSD affects relationships, you can restore the healthy relationship you once had. It’s not impossible, but the first step is understanding what you’re dealing with. With that in mind, let’s explore how the symptoms of this condition can impact your loved one and your relationship.
How Does PTSD Affect Relationships? 7 Ways
PTSD, a mental health condition, can lead to various relationship problems. Here are some symptoms that individuals may display when experiencing PTSD:
1. The Person Can Have Trouble Sleeping
Many people that develop PTSD symptoms struggle with disrupted sleep, insomnia, and nightmares. Lack of sleep inevitably worsens posttraumatic stress symptoms. Partners may find it hard to sleep together if the survivor has insomnia or wakes up terrified due to nightmares. Sleeping apart will create distance in intimacy, leaving both partners tired and stressed. The person experiencing PTSD may feel guilty and irritated about their sleep troubles, leading to more frustration and negative feelings passed on to their romantic partners.
2. The Person Can Feel Numb
Post-traumatic stress disorder often makes the trauma survivor emotionally numb as a defense mechanism. The issue is that this numbness can stick around permanently. PTSD can make the survivor lose interest in social activities and even avoid things they once loved. They might appear distant and disconnected from everything, including their partner.
This can make the partner feel isolated and frustrated. Despite efforts to connect, the survivor may not respond, leading to discouragement and disappointment. As a result, the partner might also become distant, widening the gap over time and potentially ending the relationship.
3. The Person Is More Critical
People with PTSD often experience impulse control issues, rage, and anger. To cope with these challenging emotions, they may hide their feelings and push others away through bad behavior. Another defense mechanism is verbal abuse, making their partners feel unhappy or dissatisfied. This toxic behavior can lead partners to feel isolated and respond with lashings out, escalating into physical abuse and putting both at risk.
Related Reading: High Conflict Couples
4. The Person Lacks The Ability To Trust
Post-traumatic stress disorder can seriously impact trust, especially for victims of traumatic events like rape and physical violence. Sexual activity can become challenging or even non-existent due to the survivor reliving painful feelings of abuse and fear.
This constant re-experience makes physical intimacy uncomfortable, leading the survivor to avoid it. This lack of interest in physical and sexual activities may surprise the survivor and intensify feelings of guilt or shame for not satisfying or showing interest in their partners. On the other side, partners may feel unloved, lonely, and rejected as their attempts at intimacy are consistently turned down.
Related Reading: How To Trust Again
5. The Person Is On Edge
A common sign of someone with PTSD is being always on edge. Because of their past experiences, people with PTSD find it hard to trust anyone or anything, especially if they’ve been through things like a violent assault, combat, or sexual abuse.
To illustrate let’s use this story: One night, while walking home, David strolled down a familiar dark alley. Unbeknownst to him, hidden muggers attacked, catching him off guard. Despite resisting, David was overpowered, beaten, and stabbed. Waking up in the hospital three days later, he learned he had suffered a severe concussion and broken bones. Since then, haunted by the trauma, David became hyper-vigilant. Fearful of dark alleys, he avoided them and even at home, he was on edge. Every sound made him jumpy, prompting him to buy a gun for constant protection, keeping it under his pillow, ready to defend himself at any moment.
David’s PTSD took a toll on his family. He mistakenly pulled a gun on them, causing fear. His wife faced disrupted sleep due to his nightmares, and the home became tense. Instances of anger over innocent noises led to a breaking point. Eventually, David’s wife and kids moved out, emphasizing how posttraumatic stress disorder affects both the person and their relationships. The survivor’s reactions, such as rage and demands, can strain the partner, leading to feelings of pressure and resentment. Simultaneously, shame and guilt arise for trauma survivors, as they are aware of the negative impact they have on relationships.
6. The Person Has An Over-Dependence
People who have experienced an abusive partner or emotional abuse often feel unable to trust themselves. The lost confidence creates a struggle to trust the right people or function well in the world. Survivors may react differently – some push people away, as mentioned earlier. On the flip side, others may become overly dependent on their loved ones, unintentionally draining their emotional support. This dependence can leave partners feeling stressed and frustrated because they find it challenging to provide the help needed. In some cases, partners may struggle to cope even when giving their best efforts.
7. The Person Has Unhealthy Coping Methods
A person with a PTSD diagnosis may try to cope by using alcohol and other drugs. However, this only gives a short-term relief and often results in addiction. Additionally, relying on these unhealthy methods can make PTSD symptoms even more challenging. In such cases, partners may find it difficult to deal with both the addiction and the other harmful symptoms that may occur.
In some scenarios, partners may start adopting unhealthy coping habits themselves, or some may feel overwhelmed and decide to end the relationship. In intimate relationships, we expose our inner fears and desires, making us vulnerable. When someone suffers from PTSD, this vulnerability can trigger avoidance symptoms, often noticeable to their partner.
Partners may feel that something is off, but it’s tough for the person with PTSD to talk about the real problems. This can strain the relationship, sometimes making it really hard to handle. If PTSD isn’t treated by a mental health professional, it can cause individuals to neglect loved ones and even end relationships early and in a distressing way.
People With PTSD Experience Flashback That Can Cause Relationship Problems
Conditions like PTSD bring about triggers, often connected to the five senses: sight, smell, taste, touch, and sound. These triggers happen unexpectedly and impact the person with PTSD in different ways. Here are things people experience during a trigger:
What Is A Flashback?
For someone with PTSD, a flashback is an intense experience that makes them relive the trauma they went through. It’s like being pulled out of the present moment and back into the time when the trauma happened. During a flashback, there’s a brief period where you lose touch with your surroundings. It can trigger a panic mode in the brain, making the person feel like they are going through the trauma again. To grasp this, think of a time when you were driving and suddenly realized you couldn’t recall how you got from one point to another.
A flashback trigger can be anything that reminds you of the trauma, like a certain song, sound, or place. Veterans, for instance, might have flashbacks triggered by the sound of fireworks, recalling memories from their time on the frontlines. Envision your body moving forward in time while your mind remains stuck in the past, replaying the trauma repeatedly. During a flashback, all your senses are active, and you relive the same pressure, pain, and emotions such as distress, horror, and fear from the original incident. Physical sensations may include an increased heart rate and difficulty breathing.
Can Flashbacks Occur As Nightmares?
Yes. For individuals with PTSD, telling the difference between nightmares and reality is almost impossible. Nightmares vividly replay the traumatic event, making it hard for them to sleep due to fear. While many see nightmares as just scary dreams, it’s crucial to understand their impact on those with PTSD.
For a brief second imagine thinking you went to bed and then suddenly being wide awake, struggling to figure out if you’re still dreaming or awake. As the dream goes on you can feel the physical pain and experience all the sensations that the event traumatic event triggers. While you’re still trying to figure out what’s going on, you feel a tap on your shoulder or hear a knock on the door, and you’re suddenly screaming in fear without knowing what happens next.
Now, picture having this nightmare a few times each week, repeatedly reliving the traumatic event.
What Steps To Take If A Partner Has PTSD In A Relationship?
Dealing with PTSD is challenging for everyone, but finding effective ways to treat it is crucial. Just like other medical conditions, there are different therapies and medications that can help with PTSD. One common treatment is psychotherapy, aiming to change your perception of the world, address issues like depression and substance abuse, teach skills to recognize PTSD symptoms, and help apply those skills outside therapy. To support yourself or a loved one dealing with PTSD, seek professional help and make sure to understand available treatments and their pros and cons, especially when it comes to medications for mood symptoms.
Conclusion
While relationships may pose challenges for individuals with PTSD, social support can prove beneficial by enhancing self-esteem, fostering a sense of togetherness, shifting the focus onto others, and aiding in stress coping. Those with PTSD can enhance their relationships by cultivating an understanding support system, honing relationship skills, expressing their feelings honestly, and discovering ways to relax and connect with others.
