How to Practice Self Love
SELF-LOVE self-love \, self-luhv \ n. The active practice of accepting, caring for, and encouraging oneself.
Just as water and air are vital to survival, so, too, is the need to love and be loved. Is it possible that a primary part of this necessity is the ability to love oneself? Although not a new term, the concept of self-love has been gaining popularity in recent years.
Thousands are being called to consider that love is not just an interpersonal concept, feeling, or behavior but also an intrapersonal process. We need love from ourselves as much, and perhaps more, than we do from others.
The process of self-love begins with the mere task of being able to appreciate you for you.
It is crucial to be kind and considerate toward yourself; however, self-love is more than a sentiment. Beyond your ability to tend to yourself, you must remember that self-love is an intentional practice to learn and cultivate.
Self-love allows you to see yourself completely, recognize and value your strengths and weaknesses, triumphs and challenges. Acknowledging your imperfections and obstacles to nurture your personal growth is critical.
Self-love is wondrously empowering and validating, but it is not always easy. It is more than indulging in your favorite food and escaping to an island paradise.
Within this process, it is helpful to recognize that without darkness, there cannot be an appreciation for the light.
Self-love also requires the courage to reflect on where you are, the bravery to consider where you want to be, and the tenacity to strive to be a better version of your true self.
Related Reading: Self Love Vs. Self Intimacy: Why the latter matters
WHAT SELF-LOVE ISN’T
Self-love has been met with critique. However, these assessments are based on misunderstandings. To help clarify, let’s be clear on what self-love is not.
Self- Love Is Not Entitlement
When a person has a sense of entitlement, they may believe they are unconditionally owed something regardless of effort, merit, or context. This should not be confused with the idea of recognizing your worth.
Depending on your perspective on humility and deservingness, you may find it challenging to assert you are worthy of self-love.
If this is the case, it may be helpful to consider basic human needs. One could argue that compassion, care, and acceptance are as fundamental as water, food, or shelter.
Therefore, recognizing your worth and need for self-love overall is not that ridiculous to seek. Self-love isn’t about why you deserve a billion dollars, a fancy yacht, or a mansion. It isn’t an overtly ambitious jump. It isn’t elite or exclusive but a core aspect of humanity.
Self- Love Is Not Selfishness
Focusing on self-love is not the pathway to obsession. Although self-love is a reflective process in which one turns one’s energy inward, the benefits are not selfish.
In actuality, to care for others effectively, one must first care for themselves. Prior to taking off on an airplane, the flight attendant assures flyers that in the case of an emergency, regardless of who is nearby, it is critical to first put on your oxygen mask before helping others.
We wouldn’t dare tell someone who abides by this regulation that they are truly selfish. Similarly, you can’t can’t pour from an empty cup. Self-focus is not egocentric; ultimately, self-focus helps you and others.
In addition, whereas narcissism may be superficial and vain, self-love is quite the opposite. Self-love delves beyond the surface and isn’t all rainbows and unicorns along the way.
Along with recognizing your worth, needs, and goals, self-love requires the courage to distinguish your weaknesses, challenges, and obstacles. Therefore, self-love necessitates humility, empathy, and concern for the self and others.
Self- Love Is Not Sinful
Self-love is just the opposite. Self-love isn’t meant to go against a principle or moral grounding; it is the enlightened journey to care for yourself to prompt a domino effect of care and compassion for those around you.
Nevertheless, due to varying concepts of what self-love truly entails, individuals may view self-love as against their values and beliefs.
Just as everyone is unique, their interpretation of scripture may also vary. If you are struggling with differentiating self-love from sin, it may be helpful for you to research and reflect on whether or not a conflict truly exists.
Regardless of your faith or beliefs, it may be worthwhile to consider the commonalities in various world religions. Often, the tasks encapsulated with being a moral person include benevolence, forgiveness, and personal growth, all of which align well with the practice of self-love.
More specifically, the golden rule of treating others as you want to be treated is the essence of self-love. From this common adage, we often jump to the lesson to treat others how we want to be treated, but we should not forget that the implication requires being kind to ourselves.
Remember, if you treat yourself badly, you will treat others badly!
Self- Love Is Not An Excuse
Self-love is an active, engaged process that evokes a wealth of positive benefits. Nevertheless, the journey is not always an easy one. A critical component in self-love is recognizing your limits, needs, and worth and asserting intrapersonal and interpersonal boundaries as needed to uphold them.
While this all-encompassing process may include mental health days, massages, and indulging in your favorite home-cooked meal, it does not exploit all things good.
Perpetual pampering could be neglectful and, hence, distinct from self-love. The full process of self-love includes the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Beyond the stereotypically positive perks, self-love also includes:
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The decision to recognize your areas for growth.
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Tailoring a potentially difficult yet necessary plan of attack.
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Bravely tackling it head-on.
To an outsider without context, self-love could appear as an excuse; however, it is critical that you not use self-love as your hall pass to escape responsibility, accountability, and demanding situations in general.
In contrast, true self-love can be enacted by taking accountability and responsibility as you courageously embark on arduous paths.
Having clarified what self-love isn’t, let’s shift our attention to understanding the essence of self-love and the seven key areas we need to concentrate on to embark on the journey of self-appreciation genuinely:
7 Spheres to Nurture for Fostering Self-Love
1. Self-awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to recognize who you are, how you influence the world, and how the world influences you. Self-awareness encompasses your ability to recognize and take accountability for your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Through introspection, you can better understand your thoughts, feelings, desires, motives, and overall self. In this process, you attune to your experiences through intentional and judgment-free observation.
Your reflection equips you with the ability to promote your well-being by being conscientious and engaged. Self-awareness allows you to recognize when you need self-love and when you are actively fostering your self-love.
Without this recognition, you could find yourself lost on your self-love journey. Whether open-ended or prompted, journaling is a helpful tool for tuning into your awareness, connecting you to your inner world, and reflecting at any stage in your self-love journey.
We recommend writing and journaling as a way to recognize your views and reactions on a deeper level. Try an open-ended reflection on your self-awareness. Explore your thoughts, feelings, and desires in this very moment.
Recommended Reading: Why Self Awareness Matters
2. Self-exploration
Self-exploration is the courage to learn about yourself to improve your knowledge of who you are. Self-exploration is the courage to learn about yourself to improve your knowledge of who you are.
Self-knowledge begins in awareness and develops through self-exploration as you consider what you know about yourself and continue to explore depths that you may not always connect to but need to understand to love yourself.
Without self-exploration, you may be ignorant of crucial components of who you are, such as your identity, values, and purpose. Since you continually evolve as a human being, you may risk becoming stagnant in your self-love journey without self-exploration.
Your self-exploration path may include twists and turns. You may encounter pieces of you that were previously unknown, as well as other pieces you have only seen glimpses of in the past.
Finally, you may be able to anticipate what you will encounter due to a heightened sense of self-awareness.
Whatever the case, the willingness to pursue, rather than to avoid, your exploratory path may be different this time. What do you anticipate you will encounter in your self-exploration?
3. Self-care
Self-care is comprised of a wide variety of tasks that require you to take care of your overall wellness. Self-care is a holistic process we all need to foster presence, engagement, wellness, and self-love.
Self-care is not a singular skill. Instead, self-care in- includes various tasks tailored to meet your diverse needs. Although there may be similarities between self-care strategies, self-care is subjective and tends to vary from person to person.
Typical dimensions of self-care include physical, creative, spiritual, natural, social, and personal. Examples of self-care activities include getting adequate sleep, practicing mindfulness, participating in hobbies, and meditation.
Often, self-care is easier said than done. Nevertheless, allowing yourself to reflect on and tend to your wellness is vital. Neglecting your personal needs can cause you to suffer from deterioration in health and self-love.
For example, you may notice increased anxiety, distractibility, anger, and fatigue. You may also experience decreased sleep, relationship satisfaction, self-esteem, empathy, and compassion.
Ongoing exposure to stress without proper self-care can put you at risk for severe consequences such as depression and heart disease. Therefore, self-care is a continuous process of proactively considering and tending to your needs and maintaining your wellness.
As a preventative measure, self-care helps you consider and implement strategies before facing challenges. As a coping skill, self-care allows you to recognize when a new need calls for your attention.
As an ongoing process, self-care helps you develop resilience and compassion for yourself in your overall self-love journey. Self-care can be tricky. It is easy to forget to care for yourself, particularly before your loved ones.
When you are low on energy and short on time, you may be especially likely to give up your own needs for the sake of someone else. Over time, this can be dangerous. Also, when caring for others, it is helpful to demonstrate the importance of taking care of yourself to set an example and deter them from self-neglect.
If someone you know is stranded on the side of the road because their car ran out of gas, do you empty your gas tank for them? Instead, you would likely use what you have to help that person get gas for their tank.
Although kind, giving up all your gas to help someone else creates a new problem. The more effective way would be to fill your tank so you can better help someone fill theirs.
4. Self-esteem
Self-esteem is the result of how you view your overall self. Confusing self-esteem with terms such as confidence, efficacy, and worth is common.
Although these terms are related, it is essential to recognize what self-esteem is by itself. Your self-esteem is how you appraise your worth and how you think, feel, and act because of your assessment.
Low self-esteem is associated with a poor valuation, whereas high self-esteem signifies a strong sense of worthiness. Hence, your esteem consists of beliefs you hold about yourself. In essence, it is how you judge your personal value.
Low self-esteem is associated with stress, depression, prejudice, materialism, relationship insecurity, and poor coping. Low self-esteem is a known risk factor for developing mental health problems such as eating disorders, anxiety, and depression.
While healthy self-esteem is deemed essential, some common misunderstandings arise around it. For one, high self-esteem is often interpreted as the gold standard. In reality, a secure sense of esteem fluctuates. While individuals with very low self-esteem are often more vulnerable, on the opposite end, an individual with very high self-esteem could be defensive and irrational.
Additionally, the need for healthy self-esteem is often acknowledged in earlier years, adolescence in particular. But, tending to self-esteem is crucial throughout the lifespan. It is essential to see self-esteem for what it truly is and to avoid confusing it with similar concepts or diluting it with false associations.
Building a healthy sense of self-esteem is a helpful practice of self-love. Fostering your self-esteem helps you better understand yourself and develop a healthier identity.
Furthermore, seeing self-esteem as an assessment of our worth helps us to consider humanity and universal rights. In honoring your worth in your purest form, you also respect the value of others. Hence, self-esteem can be a helpful factor in your self-love journey, yet the benefits may have a broader impact on the world around you.
Related Reading: How To Raise Your Self Esteem
5. Self-kindness
Self-kindness is the skill of being friendly to yourself. Self-kindness is associated with happiness, optimism, curiosity, conscientiousness, intrinsic motivation, emotional intelligence, and well-being.
Self-kindness can help reduce stress, anxiety, self-criticism, avoidance, and depression. It can include how you tend to your needs and practice self-care. It can also encompass your approach to a negative thought, feeling, prompt, or situation.
For example, having the self-awareness to tune into your needs and practice self-care is a gesture of self-kindness. Your self-kindness is also demonstrated in times in which you are faced with hurdles in your path.
During such times, treating yourself with care instead of judgment and criticism is a crucial act of self-love. Self-kindness is the balance you strive for between being dedicated to personal growth and being mindful of the need to be accepting, compassionate, patient, and grateful along the way.
A strong sense of self-kindness allows you to acknowledge difficulties as a normal part of life and to respect yourself as you progress on your self-love journey.
Some helpful ways to practice self-kindness are:
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Challenging unhelpful thinking
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Creating motivational messages
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Using Affirmations
Think about the definition of self-kindness; how are you nice to you?
6. Self-respect
Self-respect is the empowered ability to advocate for oneself. Arising out of admiration, respect is demonstrated by acknowledging a person’s person’s dignity. As a basic human right, everyone deserves respect.
Being equal to others, you are deserving of respect from others and from yourself as well. While respecting others is honorable, continually prioritizing respect for others over your own needs is not a self-loving act and can cause you to become mentally unwell.
The respect you deserve is neither more nor less than anyone else’s, but it is essential. Self-respect is an important virtue, as it includes awareness of your worth, your ability to honor yourself, and your efforts to maintain your dignity.
Self-respect is related to other essential aspects of self-love, such as self-esteem and self-acceptance. It is important to note that self-respect should not be confused with aggressiveness or entitlement.
A strong sense of self-respect helps you to respect others better and to be better respected by others. Having dignity in your identity allows you to set an example, particularly in how you wish to be treated.
It also allows you to protect yourself with gates that may open to permit you to connect with others and close to protect you from harm. With self-respect, you recognize that you are priceless and cannot be objectified. You have a keen awareness of your personal values, which serve as an internal compass directing you on the path you wish to walk in your life journey.
A connection to who you are provides the structure for you to build your identity. Nevertheless, honing your self-respect is a subjective experience that takes time to understand and implement.
Take a few minutes and write down what you respect about yourself.
7. Self-growth
Self-growth is the continual process of seeking opportunities to learn, love, and thrive. No one is perfect, and no one will ever be perfect. Additionally, change is inevitable. With time, you change, and the world around you transforms as well. You previously learned that embracing imperfection is an essential component of self-love.
When acknowledging this and pairing it with acceptance of change, you can embrace the notion that there will always be room for growth. When you accept that there isn’t a finish line, self-love becomes a process in which you continually seek opportunities to learn, love, and thrive.
Hence, it is a self-loving practice to recognize where you may have an opportunity to learn, improve, and strive to be the best version of yourself that you can be.
In the lifelong process of self-growth, you constantly improve your knowledge of where you are and where you wish to be. You seek to eliminate your blind spots, welcome opportunities for growth, and achieve congruence between your ideal self and your true self.
Beginning with a reflection of the discrepancy at hand, self-growth also encompasses the steps you take toward your goal as you learn. Additionally, self-growth includes being cognizant of obstacles that may hinder your progression and the methods you take to triumph over those hurdles.
When you experience a setback, self-growth also includes the power you evoke to propel yourself forward once again. Your personal growth goals represent where you desire to be in the future.
Whether you recognize it or not, they are a part of your everyday life. You also may not realize that you are striving for multiple goals at a time because we are naturally inclined to strive toward self-improvement.
When you bring your instinctively goal-oriented process into your awareness, you strengthen your personal growth initiative.
Personal growth initiative encompasses the intention and active efforts placed toward goal achievement. When you heighten your connection to your goals, you can promote self-regulation and improve your functioning as you begin living by your values.
Moreover, achieving progression goals helps boost your mood and overall well-being. Counseling psychologist Dr. Kenneth Nowack highlights that initiating new behaviors is often difficult. To transition from goal-setting to goal-flourishing, it is essential to follow a process that includes reflection, highlighting strengths, identifying goals, fostering motivation and encouragement, social support, relapse prevention, and evaluation.
Creating a thorough plan with a realistic overview, methods to support change, and strategies to account for setbacks along the way is helpful.
To benefit from the self-loving process of self-growth, you need awareness, kindness, and respect along the way.
As you reflect on where you are now, what goals do you have for the future?
Conclusion
The self- love journey is ultimately an independent one. Although it is helpful to unite with others on a similar path, at the end of the day, self-growth predominantly depends on personal effort.
The process of loving oneself is a subjective experience. Just because a tip has worked for many does not mean it will work for all. Honor your individuality as you attempt to follow the guidance provided in this blog. While fruitful, the process of self-love is not a summit to conquer.
Instead, it is a continuous practice of caring for yourself. Hence, self-love includes the dedication to prioritize yourself regardless of life’s chaos.
Overall, self-love is an all-encompassing practice of recognizing your self-worth, being kind toward yourself, and fostering your self-growth throughout the course of your life. Just as the journey of self-love differs from person to person, the definition may also vary.
Using what you learned above perhaps take a moment and consider what self-love means to you and what areas you should focus on to become the person you want to be!
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