What It’s Really Like Inside a Truly Healthy Marriage

It often seems like our society is primarily designed to cater to business ambitions, personal gains, and sensual pleasures, with an endless array of interests constantly vying for attention. However, one crucial aspect that appears to be undervalued within this setup is the family unit.

Families and couples frequently find themselves up against numerous challenges with minimal structural support. Unlike businesses or personal interests that may have unions or parties to champion their cause, families are left to navigate these complexities on their own.

This reality underscores the importance of regular ‘marriage check-ins’ for couples committed to the long haul. It’s essential to continually revisit and reflect upon critical questions such as ‘what constitutes a good marriage?’ and ‘what are the signs of a healthy relationship?’. Doing so can ensure your partnership remains strong and resilient amidst societal pressures.

By exploring the hallmarks of a joyful union, you can effectively gauge the health of your own relationship. This understanding can help you break free from patterns draining joy from your marriage.

Related Reading: 71 Questions Couples Are Asked In Therapy

Let’s dive into the indicators of a strong marriage, offering insights into the strength of your partnership.

1. They Spend Time Together

Many parents juggle their professional responsibilities while catering to their children’s needs; meanwhile, their marriage takes a backseat. After a demanding day, exhaustion sets in, and the remaining energy is often channeled toward the needs of their children. Amidst the whirlwind of a busy life and multiple commitments, couples may find they have barely any time left for each other.

But it’s important to carve out moments for shared experiences. Regularly engaging in activities together, whether it’s shopping, dining out, catching a movie, going for walks, swimming, participating in sports, exercising, or pursuing shared hobbies and vacations, can significantly enhance a couple’s bond. These shared experiences provide opportunities for conversation and deeper understanding, strengthening the marital relationship.

Couples that spend time together grow together.

2. They’re A Team

People in successful relationships feel supported and assured that their partner will always be there through the ups and downs.

Spouses in healthy marriages are committed to each other. They are dedicated to the partnership and maintain a long-term perspective so that short-term problems don’t threaten the marriage.

Part of being on a team is understanding that you need both team members to win. Both players understand that they need each other.

Hence when one partner is down, the other is there to lift them up, knowing that the other will and does do the same for them when needed.

Together they learn they can count on each other 100 percent of the time.

Teamwork makes the dream work.

3. They Are Friends

In a thriving marriage, couples often consider their spouses as their closest friends. This bond of friendship is built on open communication about feelings, thoughts, beliefs, values, hopes, anxieties, fears, dreams, and ambitions.

As friends, they listen to each other with the intention of understanding rather than jumping to disagreement, judgment, blame, or criticism. Above all, best friends treat each other with respect and kindness, refraining from causing harm.

Beyond their marital bond, they also maintain strong friendships outside the relationship, forming a supportive network that helps them navigate life’s storms. This balance of intimate companionship and external friendships is a cornerstone of a healthy, enduring marriage.

4. They Know How To Manage Stress

Interestingly, many individuals are not aware of the impact stress has on them, and for couples, this can significantly hinder their relationship.

That’s why one of the initial steps in couples therapy is to help partners recognize the physiological effects of stress. For instance, your heart rate exceeding 100 beats per minute can compromise your cognitive functioning.

Therefore before diving into conflict resolution tools, it’s vital to understand the physical toll that discord takes on your body. It’s during these high-stress moments that couples often lash out and say things they later regret.

By learning to identify the physical signs of stress, couples can develop strategies to soothe themselves, fostering healthier communication and a more harmonious relationship.

5. Good Sex Life 

Both partners finding satisfaction in their sexual relationship and feeling comfortable discussing it as necessary is a vital aspect of a healthy relationship.

Even if a couple mutually agrees to a sexless marriage, it’s worth noting that sex plays a significant role in fostering intimacy. It represents the most intimate physical act that partners can share to feel connected. A lack of it might potentially weaken the bond in a marriage.

However, the key lies in mutual contentment. If both individuals are content with the frequency and nature of their sexual activity, there’s no reason for concern. It underscores that the health of a sexual relationship is not solely defined by frequency but by mutual satisfaction and open communication.

6. They Know How To Manage Conflict

Disagreements are a natural part of any marriage. What’s crucial is not allowing resentment to build up. To achieve this, couples need to understand their individual characteristics, including personality traits and attachment styles.

Individual characteristics significantly influence the quality of relationships. In addition to recognizing one’s reactions, healthy couples strive to understand their partner’s behaviors and motivations.

For instance, a person might initially feel unloved if their partner avoids public displays of affection like kissing. However, this could be because the partner prefers more personal space and isn’t comfortable with much public intimacy.

As couples learn more about each other, they can work through their differences and grow from the experience. The healthiest couples engage in mindful conversations where they articulate their concerns, commit to not repeating the mistake, accept the apology, and let go to live in the present.

This ability to let go of past mistakes and focus on the present is a distinguishing feature of mature couples. It reflects a deep understanding, respect, and love for each other that helps them navigate through life’s challenges together.

7. They Emphasize The Positive

Natural optimism indeed plays a pivotal role in marriages. Studies have shown that optimistic spouses tend to use more positive problem-solving strategies during conflicts and experience less decline in marital satisfaction after the first year of marriage. Interestingly, one study found that reacting positively to good news shared by their partners had a greater impact on relationship satisfaction than how they responded to bad news.

If you’re not inherently optimistic, practicing gratitude can be a great way to cultivate this mindset. When partners express gratitude towards each other, they feel better about their relationships and feel more connected to their partners on that day. This positive effect extends into the following day as well.

Another straightforward approach to fostering positivity is practicing empathy, which many of us learn in grade school: Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

Part of maintaining a positive perspective entails asking questions like, “Do I give my partner the benefit of the doubt?” and “Can I approach conflicts with curiosity rather than anger?” These questions help us navigate disagreements in a healthier, more constructive way, strengthening the bond between partners.

A Marriage Quiz  

Chances are, regardless of how great your marriage is you sense that it could be even better. Irrespective of the starting point, it’s worth taking a few minutes to reflect on the state of your marriage union.

There are far more comprehensive marriage assessments than the one below, but we encourage you to wrestle with this short list of challenging questions to get a sense of where you are in the scheme of marriage health.

Don’t think of this as a ‘pass/fail’ test. Instead, look at this as an opportunity to experience a renewal in your marriage.

Here are a few questions to ponder:

• Are you satisfied with your marriage today? If not, why not? Is your husband/wife (do you even know how (s)he would answer)?

• What constitutes a great marriage (vs. a mediocre one)? In which category does your marriage fall?

• What’s your view of the purpose of marriage? Is it largely utilitarian and practical, or spiritual?

• What is God’s view of the purpose of marriage? How about God’s view of your marriage? 

• How well does your husband/wife really know you – including your fears and vulnerabilities? Can you share your weaknesses and disappointments with them? How well do you understand theirs?

• Would they say you consider their input in key decisions? 

• Do you know their dreams and aspirations in life? Does (s)he know yours?

• What priority would your spouse say they play in your life? Does your calendar reflect the answer?

• Who’s responsible for the health of your marriage? 

If you’re less than comfortable with your answers to the above questions – you’re not alone. You now have a great opportunity to improve the trajectory of your marriage if you take the time and energy to understand God’s design for marriage, your role in it and then invest your time and energy to renew your marriage. It all starts with a decision.

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