“I do.” The most romantic, hope-filled climax of any wedding ceremony is when the bride and groom utter that two-word phrase, “I do,” that launches their life together.
The whole ceremony builds to those vows of commitment, and the following festivities celebrate them. Such a rich, intimate relationship as marriage deserves the pomp and circumstance it often receives on the wedding day.
Yet for all the attention the wedding gets, most married couples agree that in addition to their coordinated wedding attire, they were also unknowingly wearing blinders. These invisible blinders shielded them from a full understanding of what was to come in the marriage relationship.
Most people come into marriage with a set of expectations. Sometimes verbalized, but most often not, these expectations create a grid you and your spouse will use to evaluate the happiness and overall quality of your marriage.
Your culture and experiences help to create and reinforce these expectations. When these hopes are met, the facade of a happy life holds up. But inevitably, the day will come when married life will not live up to your expectations.
Maybe it will be over something small — like who should pay the bills and manage the household finances; or maybe it will be something weightier — like a job loss, a pornography addiction, unexpected medical expenses, or a child on the wrong track.
In some form, reality will eventually disappoint your expectations for marriage. Because the future is unknown and the possibilities are endless, no quick fix (a date night, a budget, etc.) will ever be thorough or specific enough to help you through every circumstance.
Marriages will need a constant reorientation to the meaning of marriage. What if your marriage had a foundation that allowed it to flourish even, and maybe especially in, the disappointing spaces of life?
This blog aims to sharpen your vision for marriage with weekly check-in questions designed to bring you back together as a couple!
Marriage Check In Questions
1. What is one thing you really enjoyed this week (your high)?
2. What was really challenging for you this week (your low)?
3. What can I do for you to make your life a little easier next week?
4. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate our sexual intimacy this week?• What can we do to make it better next week?
5. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate our emotional connection this week?• What can we do to make it better next week?
6. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate our intellectual connection this week? What can we do to make it better next week?
7. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate our friendship and ability to have fun and enjoy each other’s company this week? What can we do to make it better next week?
8. Tell me one thing you think I can improve on so I can continue to become better for myself, our family, and marriage.
9. What were some expectations you had (or have) about what this week should’ve been like?
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