What Is A Godly Marriage

With Christians and non-Christians divorcing at the same rate, one may ask what’s the difference. This blog will outline what a Godly marriage entails; let’s dive in!

The Number One Characteristic of a Godly Marriage Is Mutual Submission

Ephesians 5:21-24, NIV Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Most of us know the verse that says wives should submit to their husbands, but we may ignore the verse before where the apostle Paul tells us that our submission is mutual towards each other.

In other words, both marriage partners are to be about the objective of submitting to one another. The context suggests that the environment of marriages is supposed to be submission from each to each, not as some have errantly assumed, that wives submit and men rule. The environment of marriages that survive, and even those that thrive, must have two hearts that are submitted to each other.

What is submission? 

The dictionary says it is yielding to a superior authority or person. Biblical submission, however, calls for a submitted heart in each spouse for each other. The dictionary’s definition of submission will work if one yields with a resistant heart, a submitted heart changes everything.

What’s the difference between biblical & earthly submission?

Submission with an unsubmitted heart will do something out of fear: think, “I’ll do this because if I don’t, I might lose my job.” This represents an act of submission but not a heart of submission. Submission isn’t something we do with gritted teeth. Things like:

• I don’t like it, but I guess I will do it. 

• I don’t agree with it, but I guess I will do it. 

• I think you are completely wrong, but I guess I will do it. 

None of these things are biblical submissions. These are more of a passive defiance, and with this kind of submission, it is only a matter of time before there is trouble. Submission in the Bible is different.

For Biblical submission to happen, we must be humble. It is hard for someone to submit in the way God’s Word is if that person is defiant. In fact, it is impossible.

The true submission calls for a submissive heart. One is so devoted to the other; both hearts yield to each other. True submission creates a true and unified team. No one takes the position that they are in charge over the other. A team can work problems out together.

What does Biblical submission look like in a marriage?

Here are the five areas where mutual submission will make a Godly marriage thrive.

Mutual Submission Causes Us To Listen  

Proverbs 12:15, NIV,The way of fools seems right to them, but the wise listen to advice.

Proverbs 18:13, NIV To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.

Listening is one of the hardest things for people to do. What responses represent non-listening: interruptions, threatened reactions, impatience, casual body language, texting, boredom, and falling asleep? I’m sure you have encountered some, if not all, of these with different people in different situations.

Listening is hard. However, a submitted heart in a relationship appreciates things the other has to say because the person expressing those things is valued. If spouses have submitted hearts for the other, they will listen and attempt to understand.

In our home, we have ministry moments. This means there are things we need to talk about. It means we will talk about things that can feel critical in nature.

With some couples, any type of criticism screams you hate me; as a result, we don’t want to hear it. Usually, this represents a feeling of insecurity, as we don’t want to be challenged, corrected, or told we are wrong or “feel” blamed for whatever we may have done.

In reality, these moments shouldn’t feel challenging or threatening to us. We should think of these times as trouble-shooting times, and we should be secure enough to sit down and discuss how to resolve the trouble this time and negotiate it for a potential next time.

When we shut down and avoid talking to our partners, our pride is working. Many spouses, especially men, fear hearing about “their issues.” We can’t discuss these things because our pride won’t let it in.

For many, if we do sit in a room and have a conversation with their spouse about whatever issue may need to be addressed, we leave determining, “I’ll do whatever I want.”

How Listening in a Godly Marriage Works
Two people must realize they value each other and the relationship. The value that we place on each other, combined with the submission, allows us to recognize there are some things that we can work on and improve.

And while it may be a tough few minutes, our submission forces us to sit and listen. Before the conversation starts, resolve to listen and try to understand the perspective of the other. Know that although you might disagree, listening and working through the problem is how we show we value our spouse and our marriage.

We know listening isn’t easy and may not be “fun.” But if you’re seeking a thriving Godly marriage relationship, we must address the not-so-fun moments as well.

Mutual Submission Causes Us To Release Things: Most Importantly, The Scoreboard  

Matthew 18:23-31, MSG “The kingdom of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants. As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn’t pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market. “The poor wretch threw himself at the king’s feet and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt. “The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars. He seized him by the throat and demanded, ‘Pay up. Now!’ “The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ But he wouldn’t do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.

Every marriage encounters issues that become sticking points in the relationship. For example, a wife decides she wants a cat for the kids, but the husband didn’t grow up with cats, so he isn’t comfortable having them in the house. In this scenario, we have a stalemate. Each spouse feels they are right. I’ve seen marriages split up over simple issues such as this.

So what happens in a godly marriage where both spouses are mutually submitted to one another?. . We let it go!

The reality is that whatever the “issue” is, it is never as important as the relationship, the family, the children’s lives, and their futures.

Who got their way, who won, and who gained leverage for future power struggles are all miniature triumphs compared to supporting and maintaining the relationship. In reality, these aren’t victories at all. They are losses for each, with heavy casualties.

I would speculate that 95% percent of the issues that we hang on to for the sake of our pride are never as important as the relationship. Perhaps in your relationship, you need to let it go one hundred times, and you feel like your spouse never follows suit.

Letting things go is not something we take turns doing; this is really just pride wedging its way into the relationship. When faced with the option, let it go as often as needed before the other decides to let it go. Too many marriages become competitions between two people where each keeps scoring subconsciously, making victories over the other.

However, I think marriages have three sides: the man, the woman, and the relationship. Sometimes, the man “wins,” and sometimes the woman “wins.” But the marriage where the relationship wins is the relationship that will remain alive and ultimately thrive.

Mutual Submission Causes Us To Forgive

Matthew 18:21-22, MSG “At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, “Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?” Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.”

Offenses happen in marriages. Offenses happen because all people are sinners. Wrong words are misunderstood. Promises are broken. Tempers erupt. Mistakes are made. As a result, walls go up, mistrust mounts, and voila, across millions of marriages, there is un-forgiveness.

I don’t know how often I’ve heard, in Christian marriages, “I could never forgive them for that.” Unforgiveness is an incubation of resentment over days, months, and sometimes years that grows and develops into an irreconcilable relationship.

I will be the first to admit that I am capable of harboring unforgiveness. I can hold onto offenses with the best of them, and I will acknowledge that it is challenging to muster forgiveness for people who have wronged me. I say this to say I am very acquainted with the difficulty of forgiving.

Yet, in a Godly marriage, forgiveness is required to keep going—because offenses are inevitable.

In some marriages, we think our spouse has done something so cruel that we won’t forgive them. Instead, we think that there is a more perfect person out there for us. Hence, they are tempted to find another rather than to forgive.

The reality is we are all equally sinful, and forgiveness is needed to keep any relationship going. These people will discover the need to forgive in the next relationship, and at some point, they will need to be forgiven.

For the record, Jesus considers affairs and other offenses to be lesser than the debt he paid for us (Read Matthew 18:23-33). If Jesus can forgive all the debt we accumulated in our lives, we can forgive others for the lesser sins they have done to us.

I know that some things may seem significant, but as they compare to the forgiveness that offers eternal life and saves us from the fires of hell, they are minuscule.

Mutual Submission Causes Us To Say I’m Sorry Or As We Say I Apologize

Psalm 38:18, TLB I confess my sins; I am sorry for what I have done.

Many of our problems in marriage start as an offense and slowly develop into larger-than-life problems because we don’t deal with them early on.

At the risk of oversimplifying our problems, why don’t we say ‘I’m sorry’ before a question, tone, or action develops into an offense, then an issue, then into a problem, and then into a full-blown crisis?

Saying the phrase ‘I’m sorry’ requires a heart of submission. ‘I’m sorry,’ for some, are the most challenging words to string together. Pride grips our minds, then our hearts, then our jaws, then our tongues, then nothing comes out; or if it does, it comes out wrong, permitting pride to slip back in.

When you pull your spouse aside for a ministry moment and start the conversation off by saying, “I’m sorry” for… you will notice your partner’s countenance changes. I’m Sorry allows people to make up and move on.

‘I’m sorry’ is difficult to speak but is magical in a godly marriage. These two words melt icy hearts and prohibit an offense from blossoming into a full-blown crisis.

Mutual Submission Causes Us To Release The Need To Be Right 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, TLB There is a right time for everything: A time to be born; A time to die; A time to plant; A time to harvest; A time to kill; A time to heal; A time to destroy; A time to rebuild; A time to cry; A time to laugh; A time to grieve; A time to dance; A time for scattering stones; A time for gathering stones; A time to hug; A time not to hug; A time to find; A time to lose; A time for keeping; A time for throwing away; A time to tear; A time to repair; A time to be quiet; A time to speak up; A time for loving; A time for hating; A time for war; A time for peace.

Human nature, or maybe more accurately the sinful nature, is to be right. So natural is this human nature of ours it spills over into marriage. Almost every spouse has an obsession or desire to be right.

In marriages, the drive to be right escalates arguments. It exaggerates issues. It prolongs fights. It blinds people to the folly of their opinions. It causes wedges between spouses. It forces individuals to rally support with other family members and friends against their spouses. It causes partners to sleep in different bedrooms. It causes separations. It perpetuates divorce.

If you have an issue with your spouse, are you sure it isn’t just a power- issue?

Often, we may think that what our spouse did or thought is wrong, while our spouse thinks the exact opposite. In marriage, we may believe that there are right and wrong ideas.

In reality, a marriage offers two right ideas, looking at the situation from different perspectives. Therefore, don’t be so headstrong about being right and your spouse being wrong. Both may be right.

Have the courage and heart that is humble enough to let your spouse be right. The real issue typically lies in who is right in the marriage, and our pride refuses to give in. This is where submissive hearts need to prevail, where one says, “Ok, I’m not sure who is right, but I will try it your way.”

What is meant by a godly marriage?

A Godly marriage is a marriage that realizes the debt Jesus paid for us. If a couple realizes the debt Jesus paid, then they realize and are willing to forgive and show each other the same unconditional love that Jesus showed us.

What are the characteristics of a godly marriage?

A godly marriage must have a mutual submission. Mutual submission only exists when spouses have a submitted heart to each other. This submitted heart allows a couple to work through the most challenging issues in a marriage.

Conclusion

Matthew 24:38, NIV For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark;

The value system for marriage has crumbled. Sacredness in marriage has become a value of the past. Even Christian couples wanting to marry, who claim to possess the value of “foreverness” in marriage, in conjunction with their devotion to the Savior, don’t realize that our culture has weakened this value in their hearts.

We can see how relationships and marriages are devalued when we look at all that is happening: a high number of divorces, couples living together outside of the marriage commitment, remarriages, adultery, same-sex marriages, open marriages, free marriages, spouse-swapping marriages.

In the above scripture, Jesus isn’t referring to what we are doing but referring to the fact that those people didn’t care that their life was headed toward doom. Today, a similar carefree attitude about life exists.

Couples won’t know they are headed toward doom until a crisis in their marriage brings it to light. Marriage is our world’s last great hope for happiness in this life, as long as it is done in Christ.

But it has been riddled with so many cultural bullets that it is a weakened hope at best. And that is all the more reason couples wanting to capture the happiness marriage promises must do it God’s way, following His commands and observing His instructions. Marriage is God’s invention. It works best when His blueprint for its success is followed.

The principles in His book are sound.

Suppose a couple wants to have a successful marriage, a marriage that is filled with happiness, surrounded with contentment, infused with love, and brimming with life. In that case, they must follow the directives God gives here in Ephesians 5 and work toward mutual submission.