So, you’re craving more sex! First, kudos to you for recognizing it and taking steps to get what you want. This article is your roadmap to revving up your sex life.
Now, brace yourself because I will hit you with a barrage of things you must stop doing. It might feel like a lot, but stick with me. Don’t be tempted to skip ahead, thinking you’re already a pro in the bedroom. Trust me, these ground rules are essential for spicing up your sex life.
You might be wondering, why stop doing things to start having more sex? It’s simple: many things you’re doing could be turning your partner off. Each stop sign comes with a reason, and by the end, you’ll see how these changes can reignite the passion in your relationship.
Now, please approach this list with an open mind. Some of the “have-to-stops” might seem completely unrelated to getting more action in the bedroom.
But trust me, each one plays a crucial role in revving up your sex life. I’ll break down each point with a title and explanation, so even if you think you’re acing it after a sentence or two, stick around. These changes are vital for igniting the passion in your relationship.
For most marriages, these “stop it now” moments might require a major overhaul. Think of the “leopard changing its spots” level of transformation. But here’s the deal: by kicking these bad habits to the curb, you’re paving the way for real life fun and intimacy with your spouse.
Translation? If you stop doing the things that bug you and turn off your spouse, they’ll likely start considering more time between the sheets with you.
Before we dive in, remember that each “stop it now” is for your own benefit. If you’re guilty of any, I urge you to cut them out pronto. If you’re unknowingly irritating your partner with these habits, it’s likely dampening their desire for you.
ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION??
Good. Now, brace yourself because some of these revelations might catch you off guard. You might be blissfully unaware of certain issues brewing in your relationship.
Why? Your spouse might be bottling up frustration and resentment, which can seriously squash their desire for you. So, take a good, hard look at yourself. If any of the following “stop it nows” sound familiar, it’s time to kick them to the curb. Let’s dive in:
One of the most crucial steps toward having more sex in your marriage is to stop relentlessly pursuing your partner for sex. Persistent pursuit often leads to repeated rejection from your partner. But what exactly does pursuing look like? If you find yourself doing any of the following, you might be labeled as the “pursuer”:
While discussing sexual matters can be healthy for a relationship, it’s crucial to approach it sensitively and at the right time. However, the persistent pursuit described above only adds pressure and tends to backfire.
Recognize that this behavior can be counterproductive. Consider your partner’s perspective and whether your actions are likely to bring you closer or push you apart.
Anger can put a real damper on your partner’s desire for sexual intimacy. Here’s how to recognize if anger might be an issue:
Anger, resentment, and hurt will only push your partner away. Take a hard look at yourself and ask if your behavior might be disappointing your partner.
Emotional safety is crucial for intimacy, and anger doesn’t create a safe environment. If you struggle with anger, consider seeking help through books, online resources, or professional counseling. It’s essential to address your anger for the sake of your relationship and your own well-being.
Arguing with your partner won’t get you anywhere, especially when it comes to intimacy. Here’s why you should stop arguing and what to do instead:
Remember, your relationship isn’t about fighting each other but working together toward love, happiness, and a fulfilling sex life.
It’s time for a mindset shift: Stop placing blame solely on your partner for the lack of sex in your relationship. Here’s why:
Understanding that both partners contribute to the relationship dynamics is the first step towards fostering a healthier and more fulfilling sex life. So, instead of pointing fingers, let’s focus on finding solutions together.
In this journey towards a more fulfilling sex life, trust is paramount. Here’s why:
By respecting your partner’s feelings and refraining from hurtful remarks, you nurture a sense of trust and emotional safety in your relationship. This lays the groundwork for deeper connection and intimacy.
Jealousy can poison even the strongest bonds. Here’s how to combat it:
By fostering trust and open communication, you can banish jealousy and strengthen the foundation of your relationship.
Stop lying, especially the white lies. Why? Because lying kills trust, and if you don’t have trust in a relationship, then you’re not going to get a lot of sex!
Disrespect erodes the foundation of any relationship. Disrespectful behavior exacerbates conflicts. Ceasing such actions allows for constructive dialogue, leading to resolution rather than escalation. Not too mention respect fosters emotional security, essential for intimacy. Eliminating disrespect creates a safe space where both partners feel valued, enhancing emotional connection.
Stop bringing up the fact that you’re not having enough sex. It’s not helping your situation, and it might make your spouse feel pressured or criticized. Instead, try to create an atmosphere where you can talk openly about your needs and desires without making your partner feel uncomfortable.
If you go silent after your partner says no to sex, it’s time to change that. While rejection stings, shutting down only upsets your partner more, making it harder to connect in the future.
Instead, make an effort to understand how your partner feels and talk to them about it. Better communication paves the way for better intimacy.
Imagine how your partner feels when you suddenly close off emotionally. It damages trust and weakens your connection. Instead, share your thoughts and feelings with your partner. Good communication is key to a healthy relationship and better sex.
Imagine this scenario: You usually cuddle with your partner before falling asleep. One night, you purposely turn away to see if she notices. When asked if everything’s okay, you brush it off and stay turned away. If she doesn’t immediately respond by cuddling closer, you might see it as a failure on her part.
This kind of “test” is unfair and damaging to your relationship. It creates unnecessary tension and doesn’t lead to more affection or intimacy. Instead, it can make your partner worry about the relationship, which is the opposite of what you want.
So, resist the urge to set up tests for your partner. Focus on open communication and building trust instead. It’s the healthier path to improving your relationship and intimacy.
If your partner is self-conscious about her body, making negative comments will only make things worse. Avoid hurtful remarks and instead focus on building her confidence.
Instead of saying things like “There’s more of you to love” or “I love you just the way you are,” try to highlight the things you appreciate about her appearance. Compliment her when she dresses nicely or when you like her hairstyle. If you find certain features attractive, let her know in a positive way.
However, if your partner’s perception of her body is inaccurate, it’s okay to correct her gently. For example, if she thinks she looks overweight, when she doesn’t, reassure her kindly.
Remember, silence can be misinterpreted, so communicating openly is important. Encourage her and focus on the positive aspects of her body. Boosting her self-esteem will improve her body image and benefit your relationship in the long run.
If you find yourself being overly controlling in your relationship, it’s time to take a step back. Being too controlling can breed resentment and hinder intimacy.
Respect your partner’s autonomy and rights to make decisions.
Instead of always needing to be in control and right, strive for a balanced relationship where both partners’ needs and feelings are respected.
If you’re struggling with controlling behavior, it might stem from underlying fears. Take some time to reflect on these fears and consider the worst-case scenarios if things don’t go your way.
Rather than dictating, try to communicate openly and ask your partner to consider your perspective. Respect her right to make decisions and contribute to the relationship’s balance. Remember, mutual respect and understanding are key to a healthy relationship and a fulfilling sex life.
If you find yourself withholding love and affection from your partner as a way to “punish” her for not meeting your expectations, it’s time to stop. Using punishment in a relationship isn’t effective, healthy, or sustainable in the long run.
Not only does it damage trust, but it can also lead to resentment and potentially drive your partner away. Instead of resorting to punishment, communicate openly about your needs and concerns.
Moreover, avoid punishing your current partner for the actions of past partners. It’s unfair and unproductive, and it won’t lead to resolution or growth in your relationship. Focus on building trust and understanding with your current partner for a healthier and happier relationship.
Every relationship coach will tell you that making negative comments about your sex life or complaining about the lack of it won’t help at all. In fact, it can have the opposite effect and push your partner further away.
Instead of focusing on what’s lacking, try to foster a positive atmosphere in your relationship. Communicate openly and respectfully about your needs and desires without placing blame or criticism. Remember, constructive dialogue is key to addressing issues and improving your sex life together.
Most married couples make negative assumptions that lead to blaming each other. Assumptions tend to be negative and only create more problems. Instead, try assuming something positive: your partner wants to be seduced by you just as much as you want to seduce them.
Always make an effort to seduce your partner into bed, just like you did when you first got together. Seduction is an ongoing effort that keeps the spark alive in your relationship.
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