You are unique. Perhaps you’ve heard that before, but this time, I invite you to let the idea wash over you in a new way. No one could truly understand what it has meant to walk in your shoes because only you have experienced your journey. Your sum of experiences, thoughts, feelings, genetics, and spirit is yours alone.
There has never been another you, nor will there ever be. You are neither better nor worse than anyone else, and even when you don’t feel like you measure up, remember this simple truth… you are you, the only one of your kind.
When you are born, you arrive with innate traits that distinguish you from others. You carry specific genes inherited from your parents. While you may appreciate some of these genetic qualities, others you may wish you could exchange.
But your DNA is only a small part of the story of you.
Our stories begin at a very young age, despite the lack of control we have over our environment during that stage of life. Children are like blank slates, and in the early years, our parents and others write on those slates for us.
Understanding our origin stories is crucial so that we can be aware of whether we are expressing ourselves as adults in a way that aligns with who we truly are. It’s also important to recognize if any negative aspects of our origin story might be influencing our current behavior.
You might be wondering how it’s possible to stray from our truth. Let’s explore and take an objective look at a typical upbringing as we embark on the journey of finding our best selves.
Why early influences can detract from us finding our best self?
This may not perfectly mirror your own experience, but drawing from years of coaching, I’m confident it’s not far from the truth. None of us choose our upbringing. We are all born into a family system of some kind, where core dynamics and values differ widely, sometimes aligning with our individual values and sometimes not.
Much of our early personality development is shaped by the family dynamic in which we grow up. As we progress through childhood, we attend school or participate in group activities that teach us socialization skills. We begin to cultivate hobbies, and gradually, a sense of right and wrong starts to take root within us.
As we mature physically, we assume responsibility for our own self-care and physical health. While schools emphasize the importance of a broad education, many of us seem to lose sight of the value of continuous learning as we grow older, settling instead for the knowledge we’ve already acquired.
Why don’t we know about our best selves and what to do about it?
Schools typically don’t teach us this skill, and our parents often aren’t equipped to guide us either, as they may not consistently be in touch with their best selves. Even our friends lack the tools to help us in this journey. Consequently, many of us feel out of sync in certain aspects of our lives without fully understanding why.
It’s a vague sense that something isn’t quite right—a sign that we’re not authentically ourselves in some areas. Life unfolds around us, shaping our sense of identity through experiences. Some events solidify our authenticity, reinforcing positive attributes of our best selves like generosity and altruism.
Conversely, negative experiences such as abuse or neglect can push us further away from our best selves, leading to the formation of false beliefs about ourselves and the world.
Our minds act as cameras, capturing significant moments and attaching thoughts and feelings to memories. While some memories are pivotal, others we’d rather forget can resurface unexpectedly.
Why do we need to connect with our best selves?
Connecting with your best self is essential because many of life’s greatest challenges arise when our lives are out of alignment with our true selves. While this may seem like a simplistic notion, it’s a truth I’ve encountered repeatedly in my experiences. Recently, I reached a pivotal moment in my career where I felt compelled to share everything I’ve learned over the years to empower others.
At Simply Midori, our mission is straightforward: to provide you with a comprehensive guide to personal growth. Regardless of where you’re starting from, our articles are designed to help you enhance your life in meaningful and often unexpected ways.
Know that it’s never too late to find your best self
It’s never too late to embark on the journey of finding your best self. Whether you’re facing your toughest challenges or simply feeling like there’s more to life than what you’re currently experiencing, our articles are here to guide you toward empowerment and fulfillment.
If you’re at rock bottom, grappling with significant obstacles, our articles can provide you with the tools and insights to navigate through adversity and emerge stronger than ever. Even if you’re in a phase of coasting through life, longing for more depth and purpose, our content can reignite your passion and help you uncover your true calling.
Perhaps you’re content overall, but recognize a specific area of your life that requires attention and improvement. Our articles offer clarity and practical strategies to address your challenges effectively.
Whether your goals involve you wanting to
- cultivating better relationships
- enhancing self-compassion
- prioritizing your health
- expanding your knowledge
- fostering spiritual growth
- achieving career success
our resources are tailored to help you reach your aspirations.
Even if you’re unsure about the changes you seek but sense that your current reality falls short of your ideal life, we’re here to support you in identifying your goals and guiding you toward their realization. Let us show you how to start…
50 Questions To Find Your Best Self
Questions To Help Discover The Traits Of Your Best Self
Now it’s your turn to identify and celebrate your best traits—the characteristics that truly define who you are. Reflect on moments when these traits shine through and make you proud.
To kickstart this process, consider asking yourself the following questions. Feel free to adapt them or come up with your own prompts that resonate with you:
- Are you compassionate, showing kindness and empathy toward yourself and others?
- Do you approach life with optimism, always seeking the silver lining in every situation?
- Are you forgiving, able to let go of grudges, and move forward with an open heart?
- Are you courageous, speaking up for yourself and others in the face of adversity?
- Are you imaginative, thinking creatively, and exploring new ideas outside the box?
- Do you demonstrate kindness, extending a helping hand even when no one is watching?
- Are you efficient and productive, excelling in your work and responsibilities?
- Do others see you as a loyal friend and trusted confidant who is always there when they need support?
- Are you nurturing and loving toward your loved ones, especially your children?
- Do you express your creativity in various ways, whether through art, writing, or other outlets?
- Do you take action to protect the environment, such as picking up litter when you see it?
- Are you skilled at resolving conflicts and fostering harmony in your relationships?
Take your time to reflect on these questions and jot down any traits that resonate with you. Embrace your uniqueness and celebrate the qualities that make you who you are.
Exercise: Bring Your Best Self to Life
Take a look at the list of traits you’ve identified as the best aspects of yourself. These characteristics will serve as the building blocks for creating your Best Self character. Remember, this exercise is all about tapping into your imagination and having fun, so feel free to let your creativity flow.
To get started, consider the following questions:
- Is your Best Self like an animal, embodying the strengths and qualities of a particular creature?
- Does your Best Self take the form of a mystical creature, perhaps a wise guardian or a magical being from your imagination?
- Alternatively, does your Best Self resemble a character from a beloved book or movie, drawing inspiration from their personality and traits?
- Does your Best Self have a motto or tagline, a guiding principle that encapsulates its essence?
- How does your Best Self react when someone shows kindness toward you? Does it radiate gratitude and warmth?
- And how does your Best Self respond in moments of threat or challenge? Does it stand tall with courage and resilience?
Now, dive deeper into your Best self’s character:
- What core beliefs does your Best Self hold about you and the world around you?
- How does your Best Self move, walk, or even dance? Is there a distinct grace or energy to its actions?
- If your Best Self possessed one superpower, what would it be? Consider the extraordinary ability that sets it apart and empowers it to make a difference.
Finally, take some time to write a vivid description of your Best Self, bringing its unique qualities and characteristics to life on the page. Let your imagination run wild as you paint a picture of this extraordinary persona, embodying the very best of who you are.
Questions To Coach Yourself to Be Your Best Self
At Simply Midori, we firmly believe that everyone can benefit from having a coach. A coach serves as a guide, helping you identify blind spots and providing clarity to achieve your goals.
As humans, we all have behaviors or thought patterns that hold us back from evolving and growing. Whether it’s a lack of humility, an insatiable need to be right, or a tendency to set ourselves up for failure, now is the time to confront these patterns and replace them with positive ones.
Since I won’t be physically present to guide you through every decision, it’s important to cultivate coaching qualities within yourself to support your Best Self. Here are some questions to help you think like a coach:
- How will your Best Self empower you to remain fearless in the face of challenges?
- How will your Best Self help you embrace who you are without shame or judgment?
- How will your Best Self encourage you to maintain honesty and authenticity in your interactions with yourself and others?
- How will your Best Self nurture a kind, compassionate inner voice that supports you through all circumstances?
- How will your Best Self inspire you to feel empowered and confident in every situation?
- How will your Best Self cultivate a sense of gratitude, helping you appreciate the abundance in your life?
- How will your Best Self liberate you to express your true self freely and authentically?
By adopting these coaching qualities and asking yourself these empowering questions, you can become your own best coach, guiding yourself toward growth, fulfillment, and self-discovery.
Write out the coaching characteristics of your Best Self.
Questions To Help Identify The Traits That Squash Your Best Self
Recognizing that it’s unrealistic to expect yourself to always operate from within your Best Self, the goal is to minimize the instances where you allow traits that hinder your progress to dominate your behavior.
For instance, I grapple with insecurities in certain aspects of my life. My ongoing objective is to cultivate a sense of security and confidence in myself and to focus on enjoying the journey rather than fixating on outcomes.
Reflecting on my own experience, I recall moments of insecurity, particularly in my writing. In fourth grade, my English teacher criticized a story I had poured my heart into, which led me to abandon writing altogether. The prospect of writing daily for this blog initially triggered feelings of inadequacy and fear of judgment.
I noticed that my insecurities intensify when I dwell too much on others’ opinions of me or my work. However, when I allow my Best Self to guide me, I am free from insecurity and self-doubt.
Our Anti-Self is the inner voice that seeks to undermine us, sabotaging our efforts and preventing us from fully embracing life’s journey.
To identify traits that hinder your Best Self, consider the following questions:
- Do you hold onto grudges or harbor unforgiveness toward yourself or others?
- Are you prone to frequent outbursts of anger?
- Do you consistently make unhealthy choices despite knowing better?
- Are you easily frustrated or impatient?
- Do you exhibit a know-it-all attitude, unwilling to consider alternative perspectives?
- Do you frequently abandon goals or projects before completing them?
- Do you struggle with feelings of inadequacy, believing you are not good enough?
- Do you allow others to take advantage of your kindness or walk over you?
- Do you prioritize your own needs above those of others, acting selfishly?
Reflecting on the last time you acted negatively, when you realized, “I really wasn’t myself in that moment,” prompts introspection into your behavior and reactions.
It might not always be a glaring instance; sometimes, it’s a lingering feeling of discomfort or regret. For example, you might recognize that you don’t like the person you become when interacting with certain family members. Perhaps something triggers you, and before you know it, you find yourself abruptly ending the conversation or hanging up the phone.
Exercise: Discover Your Anti-Self
To effectively manage and mitigate the influence of your Anti-Self, it’s crucial to have a clear understanding of who this character is. By visualizing and defining your Anti-Self, you can anticipate triggers and proactively work to counteract their negative impact. Here are some questions to help you create a detailed picture of your Anti-Self:
Is your Anti-Self:
- An animal?
- A mystical creature?
- A character inspired by a book or movie?
- Does your Anti-Self have a tagline?
- How does your Anti-Self move, walk, or behave physically?
- How does your Anti-Self react when someone is kind to you?
- How does your Anti-Self behave when you feel threatened?
- What beliefs does your Anti-Self hold about you?
- What attire does your Anti-Self wear?
- Can you recall five recent events or situations where your Anti-Self took charge?
Now, write a full description of your Anti-Self, incorporating your answers to these questions. This exercise will provide valuable insights into your anti-self’s characteristics and tendencies, empowering you to better navigate and overcome their influence.
Questions To Discover What Energizes You?
Reflecting on moments when you feel truly alive and fully engaged with life can provide valuable insights into what invigorates you. These moments, where you feel like you’re firing on all cylinders, are like charging your battery, replenishing your energy and enthusiasm. Let’s explore what activities or experiences recharge your authenticity battery:
- Take a moment now to think about what makes you feel truly alive and write it down here:
- When was the last time you engaged in that activity?
- Considering the type of activity that charges your authenticity battery, what does this reveal about your Best Self?
- Which areas of your life align with your Best Self?
- Conversely, which areas of your life do not align with your Best Self?
By examining what energizes you and how it relates to your Best Self, you can gain clarity on the activities, experiences, and pursuits that bring you fulfillment and vitality. This understanding can guide you in aligning your life more closely with your authentic self, fostering greater satisfaction and well-being.
