Enough is enough! You’ve experienced the highs and lows of love, and now you’re ready to take a break from relationships. It’s time to go on permanent guy-atus!
If you’re fed up with the dating scene or unsure if settling down is for you yet – before you swear off guys, I encourage you to pause and read and instead use this time to reassess.
I want to share a letter from Emily Bracken, which she shared on Medium and the Huffington Post. This is an eye-opening read that shows self-awareness mixed with humility. This is a must-read for anyone wanting a fresh perspective! Here it is:
Dear Future Love of My Life:
I know. I should have written before. Forgive me. But I got the feeling that you were beginning to think I didn’t exist. But I do. And I wanted to let you know that while I might be as elusive as a unicorn grazing in a field of four-leaf clovers, I’m close. I’m around the corner, down the street, on Facebook, in your office, at our local coffee shop, a complete stranger. I made eyes at you once on the subway. I saw you across the room at a party. I swiped you right on Tinder. But it’s not our time yet. And I know you’re wondering why.
It’s really not fair that you’ve had to wait this long, or go on blind dates, endure bad sex, settle for ‘meh’ relationships, feel misunderstood, cry from loneliness, wrap your arms around a pillow as you fall asleep at night. I’m so sorry, my love. You deserve an explanation. So, here it goes. It’s taken me a long time to even admit this to myself, much less to you, so please know that everything I’ve written here is true.
Don't give up on me.
Yours, in perpetuity,
The Love You Haven't Met YetReading this letter can be challenging for most of us. It has a unique way of holding up a mirror to ourselves, exposing our pitfalls and mistakes.
I started the post with this letter as a sign for us all to pause and be honest as dating can be exhausting and emotional. Therefore it’s important to take a break if you need one.
Here are eight signs indicating your dating life needs some shuteye – or at least an attitude adjustment:
1. Constantly feel drained from dating
Finding true love in the online dating world is like finding a needle in a haystack! Even if you’re an avid dater, statistics suggest that only 1 out of 4 first dates may lead to something more – making for some pretty slim odds.
The answer isn’t to quit dating.
We recommend you learn the art of screening potential partners to help you move away from soul-sucking experiences and towards healthier relationships.
Ever heard of the 2/2/2 rule?
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2 emails on the dating site
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2 emails on Gmail
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2 phone calls before a date
Instead of swiping through endless profiles looking for potential matches, why not screen guys like an HR department? Implementing a mechanism to judge effort and intelligence will reduce dating burnout while limiting the chances of having bad dates with strangers. Find that special someone faster—and easier!
2. Consistently date the wrong people
It’s not unusual to have certain preferences and look for someone who shares your interests. Research suggests that many people are unconsciously drawn toward partners whose personalities, beliefs, and hobbies mirror their own. Chances are high; your type is the male version of you! While it’s perfectly natural (and even beneficial) to find common ground with your potential mate when dating today, remember there is more to a relationship than just sharing hobbies, activities, or similar politics. Don’t be afraid to explore what could make an unexpected connection extraordinary.
If you’ve been stuck in the same relationship rut, use this as an opportunity to explore and expand your horizons. Venture out of your comfort zone and find something new – who knows where it might lead?
Remember: physical appearance and financial standing don’t always make for a lasting relationship. It’s better to evaluate men on how they treat you than rely solely on their witty online profiles.
3. Project being desperate for a man
No one likes to feel like they’re searching for love in a vacuum. Desperation and fear of being alone can be overwhelming, but healthier ways exist to find intimacy and connection with others!
Seeking love from a place of desperation rarely results in the fulfillment you’re after. After all, when you start dating a confident, secure man, chances are high that he is comfortable in a dominant role and looking for someone similarly independent to join them.
If you’re feeling lonely or incredibly desperate – stop!
Men are generally attracted to women with healthy boundaries who can enjoy companionship without sacrificing autonomy. So take that deep breath and proceed responsibly into your search; personal stability will bring far better results than desperation ever could!
Remember: finding true love is an art! Quantity isn’t as important as quality when finding a life partner. To increase your chances of success, narrow down the list and place yourself in positions where you can meet potential suitors who possess the qualities that matter to YOU.
4. Abandon everything and everyone for a guy
Dating is great, but it shouldn’t take over your life! Are you doing any of these things:
√Constantly canceling on your friends
√Giving too much of yourself
√Being overly eager to please your spouse
√Feel insecure about the relationship
√You are clingy
√Have weak or non-existent boundaries
√Overly sensitive
√Only hang out with your spouse
The allure of a romantic prospect can lead you to stumble away from quality time with friends, family, important plans, or your personal growth.
If you are doing any of the above, I would consider taking a break from the dating game to reflect on why people of the opposite sex have such an influence in your life. It could be time for some self-reflection!
Remember: that dates come and go, while true relationships last much longer—it’s worth protecting special bonds even in pursuit of love.
Unsolicited Suggestion: Any worthwhile man who asks you out and discovers you’re busy will still be interested if you tell him you don’t have time until next Thursday.
5. Your self-esteem is taking a nose-dive.
Navigating the world of dating apps can be thrilling at first, but it quickly takes its toll on your self-esteem. Over time, you may question what could have been different about yourself to make those relationships work better or think, “Is there something wrong with me?”
Despite having many desirable qualities, attracting and keeping a partner can be difficult in today’s dating landscape. With so much choice available through apps like Tinder and Bumble, it’s easy for people to swipe on without giving any specific person their full attention – resulting in relationships that cannot build or develop over time.
When dating, suavely sidestep the temptation to take things too personally [insecurity or sadness – two traits no one wants when looking for love] – remember that even Prince Charming has presumably crossed paths with dozens of other potential princesses. The best approach is maintaining an emotionally healthy distance from any end result.
Remember: Don’t get caught up in relationships that aren’t going anywhere, and don’t take flaky behavior personally – the vast majority of guys out there just won’t be your prince charming!
You are a catch. But that doesn’t mean all men want to catch you, you know?
6. You have trust issues.
Do you have a history of being dumped or cheated on?
If so, it can be challenging not to expect and project that onto someone new. The natural reaction is to avoid letting anyone else in. Consequentially, perhaps you:
√Flirt mindlessly, both in person and online.
√Sleep around.
√Go out with guys who you see no future with.
√Choose men who don’t know what they want.
√Etcetera
Low-risk. Low reward.
By avoiding intimacy with someone, you avoid the pain of heartbreak AND potentially finding someone special.
To be fair, it’s 100% human to want to avoid pain.
But if pain avoidance is your M.O. – you will treat every man warily due to your history of choosing cheaters. The solution isn’t to stop dating nor to treat all men as criminals worthy of interrogation.
The real solution is to stop choosing charismatic cheaters [or insert your type] who continually hurt you.
It’s actually not that hard.
Remember: If you’re with a guy and you feel this constant desire to check his phone, the problem is not him. The problem is that you’ve SELECTED a man you don’t and won’t trust. And if you are dating a man you don’t trust, you SHOULDN’T be dating him at all.
7. You’re still hurt.
When dealing with relationship pain from the past, it can feel like searching for love again is your only hope. But don’t be fooled — no amount of romance can ever make things/ you perfect. It is okay to:
√Periodically, it would help if you had time to heal.
√Periodically, it would help if you had therapy.
√Periodically, you’re still hurting but must get back out there again.
When a relationship ends, we tend to get down on ourselves!
Remember: Every person you meet afterward isn’t necessarily someone for the long term; it’s about finding a connection that works with your personality. You are not searching for ‘the one’ but exploring all possible options to find the right fit.
As you heal, a compatible match will enter your life!
8. You do not want a relationship
Let’s be honest; dating around can be fun. You can:
√Flirt
√Banter
√Get some free food
√Get some action without commitment
√Boost your ego
But if you’re doing it to keep your mind occupied because being home alone is the worst thing for you, perhaps a break is a good idea.
Remember:
–It’s okay to take dating breaks.
-It’s okay to date because it’s fun.
-It’s okay not to be clear about what you want in a romantic relationship.
However, the Golden Rule tells us to treat others how we would like to be treated. Chances are you wouldn’t want a guy taking advantage of your feelings!
Unsolicited Suggestion: Until you discover what type of relationship works best for both parties, avoid the “just for fun” companions.
Wrap Up
Everyone deserves unconditional love, and opening your heart to the possibility of romance can be a great way to achieve that. Recharging with some alone time is essential too.
Before I found my husband, I took a dating pause. The men I chose and my decisions in each relationship were not who I wanted to be. During my break from dating, I discovered what truly made me happy. During that break, I learned an invaluable lesson: relationships require both sides to give and get for them to work out.
Post break- any relationship I started, I asked if I was genuinely ready to give and receive in this relationship.
