What causes conflict between couples?
To tackle the significant issues in your relationship, you must know where they come from. You can’t fix a problem until you know what’s causing it. It’s essential to pinpoint the exact source of the trouble so you can deal with it effectively. Understanding where a problem started is critical to solving it correctly.
If you don’t address the real issues, you’re just putting a Band-Aid on a deep wound. Ignoring problems in your relationship can make minor issues grow into big ones. So, the first thing you must do to fix things is figure out what’s really wrong. As mentioned earlier, there could be many reasons why your relationship isn’t working well. Let’s take a look at some of the main ones:
1. Our Professional Life
When you prioritize your career over your relationship and partner, it can lead to tension. Your partner may feel neglected or unimportant, which can cause hurt feelings and resentment. This situation might even push you both to act out in unkind ways.
Feeling abandoned by a spouse is incredibly painful. Not only is it unhealthy to prioritize work over your relationship, but it can also have serious consequences for your family life.
Starting something new in your career can make balancing work and family responsibilities challenging. However, it’s crucial to learn how to disconnect from work to maintain a healthy balance and prevent interpersonal issues. Make sure to set aside dedicated time to enjoy life with your loved ones.
2. Infidelity and Unsuitable Behavior
When entering a committed relationship, adopting certain attitudes that align with your partner’s values is important. Trying to maintain behaviors that your partner finds intolerable can lead to significant conflict and strain on the relationship.
Moreover, infidelity can cause severe disagreements and challenges that may be difficult to overcome. If infidelity occurs, seeking therapy together can be a helpful step toward resolving issues.
3. Not Living Up to Expectations
In life, change is constant, and the same applies to our relationships. In healthy relationships, both individuals experience personal growth and change over time. Communicating openly with your partner when you notice these changes happening is important. This allows both parties to understand and support each other as they evolve individually and together within the relationship.
To understand where your relationship stands and address any issues, it’s essential to have open and honest conversations. Start by discussing your goals and expectations as a couple. Are there any expectations that aren’t being met, and are they realistic? By talking through these questions, you can uncover the root causes of any conflicts in your relationship and work together to resolve them.
Is Fighting Better For The Relationship, Or Should I Just Ignore The Problem?
If you overlook disagreements and problems entirely, things could spiral out of control very quickly. Without addressing the primary issues, they might escalate and become extremely significant. Any disagreement with your partner can make you feel attacked, helpless, vulnerable, and threatened. You might even recoil and withdraw in response.
Whenever you decide to ignore your partner because you’re upset or disappointed, it harms the relationship instead of helping it. This can lead to the relationship breaking down over time. How you and your partner deal with disagreements can show if your relationship is healthy or not.Arguing, denying, or simply making up won’t solve the underlying issues in the long run.
These actions might temporarily cover up the problems in the relationship, but eventually, they’ll resurface. So, instead of these quick fixes, the best approach for a strong and genuine partnership is to seek compromise. This means finding a middle ground where both partners are willing to give up something to reach a solution that works for both.
While compromise is slightly better than a situation where one party loses and the other wins, it’s not necessarily a win-win scenario, however, if you opt for collaboration, both partners work together to achieve an outcome that benefits them both—a true win-win situation.
How Do We Address Our Conflict?
To understand where your relationship stands and address any issues, it’s essential to have open and honest conversations. Start by discussing your goals and expectations as a couple. Are there any expectations that aren’t being met, and are they realistic?
By talking through these questions, you can uncover the root causes of any conflicts in your relationship and work together to resolve them. Understanding why the issues exist is the first step toward finding solutions and strengthening your relationship. Initiate a meaningful conversation with your spouse, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
While it’s normal to feel anxious, try to remain calm and avoid behaving harshly. Instead of letting anxiety escalate into arguments, focus on having calm and controlled dialogues to address any conflicts. Remember, the goal is to improve your connection and resolve issues together. Avoid blaming each other for misunderstandings, as this only adds to friction in the relationship.
Open communication is key to overcoming challenges and strengthening your bond.Avoiding conflicts or responding with defensiveness and blame only exacerbates the situation. Instead, facing challenges head-on allows you and your partner to grow together and strengthen your relationship.
Confronting issues rather than ignoring them is essential for resolving conflicts and moving forward. Many misunderstandings arise from false assumptions, such as:
- The relationship’s nature
- Job and work
- Why certain tasks around the house and in it must be completed
- Different responsibilities of the partners
- Significant discrepancies in needs, wants, morals, or values
- Bad communication
Resolution Starts By Learning Where You Both Focus
Above we mentioned the best scenario, one where both parties find a win-win. Finding a win-win can only happen as you focus on a win-win. When most couples fight, they do not prioritize a win-win; instead, they concentrate on defending themselves instead of finding solutions.
If you only focus on your own perspective and defend why it’s right, you’ll likely continue to experience sadness and pain indefinitely.Your focus determines the direction of your energy. So, it’s essential to concentrate on what matters most to you, as it shapes the path you’ll take in life.
To avoid repeating the same fight, you must focus on moving forward.Once you can redirect your focus, you’ll have the power to change the outcomes. If you dwell on where you don’t want your relationship to go, harbor anger, or engage in constant arguments, you’ll never reach your desired destination.
Focusing on negativity will only result in two outcomes: you and your partner will break up or remain in a difficult or unhappy relationship. However, if you choose to address conflicts as a team, you can achieve the desired results.
Focus On Making Opportunities Out of Conflicts
Instead of trying to win, becoming defensive, or fixating on one issue, focus on why you want to stay connected to the person you truly love. Once you realize that love is not a game where someone has to lose, you can shift your attention away from minor disagreements and establish positive communication.
Conflicts are not just problems; they are also opportunities in disguise. Both parties involved can use conflicts as a chance to align their goals and beliefs better. They provide opportunities for acknowledging, appreciating, and understanding existing differences. When you find yourself only focusing on your own interests, try to see things from your partner’s perspective. However, always opting for comfort may hinder your growth.
What are the 7 ways to deal with conflict?
Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship, regardless of how well-behaved the partners are. What truly matters is how people choose to resolve these conflicts. The longevity of a relationship depends on the strategies each party employs to address issues. Competence in conflict resolution is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. Here are some tips to help you resolve disagreements in your relationship:
1. A Friendly Atmosphere Promotes Communication
In healthy relationships, partners are more likely to be happier, and the relationship is more likely to last. Effective communication plays a key role in fueling a healthy relationship. Couples can speak openly and honestly about everything without fear of criticism.
While it’s common to focus on discussing the negative aspects of the relationship, it’s equally important to discuss the positive aspects as well.When partners are unable to discuss important topics such as worries, careers, finances, dreams, and goals openly and without fear, it can indicate an unhealthy relationship.
If you or your partner cannot communicate emotions without fear, it may lead to unnecessary arguments. Feeling extremely defensive or agitated during these discussions could be a sign of an abusive relationship.
2. Keep Respect and Calm
During tense exchanges, it can be challenging to remain composed and think clearly. Avoid criticizing your partner as a means to resolve a disagreement. While you may feel tempted to express your views negatively, resist this urge as it can hinder the resolution of the issues at hand.Avoid bringing insults or personal attacks into the conversation; instead, focus on the issue at hand.
If the parties start calling each other names, using profanity, or acting aggressively, it may indicate an unhealthy relationship.Regardless of the reason for the disagreement, it’s important that neither party resorts to yelling or using derogatory words.
During a conversation, one should also avoid intimidating or making the other person feel uncomfortable. Both parties should be able to speak calmly and be taken seriously.
3. Get to the Root
Conflicts often persist because many people only focus on addressing the symptoms rather than the underlying cause of the issue. It’s essential to tackle the root of the problem in your relationship to resolve conflicts effectively.
For example, if your partner expresses concerns about staying out late on a weeknight or drinking excessively with you, try to understand their perspective and what might be causing their stress.You may find that their concerns are more about your academic performance or job stability than your partying habits.
Listening becomes easier when you understand the underlying reasons behind their complaints. So, pay attention to your partner and avoid arguing your perspective.
4. Avoid Justifications for the Need for Control
The desire for control can be detrimental to relationships. Feeling like someone is trying to control you could indicate an unhealthy dynamic. A major warning sign is when someone demands to be the priority in every situation, even insisting you stay home with them instead of attending other commitments like classes.
If your partner becomes argumentative over your interactions with people of the opposite sex, it might be a sign of controlling behavior. They might justify their actions by saying they’re overprotective or have trust issues. If this sounds familiar in your relationship, be ready to address conflicts and seek solutions together.
5. Locate a Middle Ground
Remember that both you and your partner come from different backgrounds and have unique beliefs, personalities, and other traits. The key to a strong and enduring relationship is finding common ground, which means both of you will need to compromise and accept certain things.
In a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t have to change who you are or compromise too much. Finding a middle ground and solving problems through compromise allows you to continue living your life. For example, if you and your partner disagree about how much time to spend together, you can agree on a time limit that suits both of you.
6. Pick Your Battles Wisely
Relationship conflicts can arise from various sources, some more significant than others. Being in a relationship often makes us more sensitive to things that wouldn’t bother us as much in our daily lives.
Therefore, assessing whether the issue causing conflict is genuinely significant is important. For example, is it about minor decisions like dinner plans or budgeting? If the issue doesn’t matter to you next week, it may not be worth arguing over. However, if it’s a significant problem, it’s important to address it and work towards finding a solution through discussion.
7. Decided If the Matter Is Resolvable or Not?
Disagreements about major life decisions such as having children, choosing a place to live, or deciding on schooling for children can lead to serious conflicts. In such cases, it’s vital to reconsider whether staying in a relationship requires you to compromise too much of your hopes and aspirations to make it work.
While a healthy partnership requires sacrifice and commitment, it shouldn’t involve drastic self-change. Sharing similar aspirations, goals, and values is crucial for a healthy partnership. In future conflicts, remember the advice given above and make sure to apply those tips in practice. You can use these strategies to prevent and resolve conflicts in your relationships.
When fights, disputes, and disagreements occur frequently and are out of control, it’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Evaluate your relationship carefully and make the necessary changes.