Many modern marriages face problems like strife, conflict, and alienation. Arguments, and sometimes even violence and abuse, can make things bitter and lead to divorce. Since God created marriage, His teachings show the best ways to handle a troubled marriage. While God’s guidance doesn’t promise perfect marriages, it does provide help and advice for couples dealing with serious issues.
Even A Healthy Marriage Has Disagreements
No Christian marriage is without conflicts. Sadly, these conflicts can turn into harmful fights. A bad fight doesn’t fix the real issue and can seriously distance husband and wife. This buildup can lead to bitterness, constant arguments, uncontrolled anger, hatred, and sometimes even divorce, violence, or abuse.
Many couples struggle with the ability to talk about disagreements and find solutions. They specifically need the skill to discuss serious issues, come up with a plan to solve them, and then put that plan into action. It’s important to highlight that this is a skill that many people haven’t learned, but it’s something that can be learned.
This blog explores what the Bible says about resolving marriage conflicts that can ruin the relationship between husbands and wives, possibly leading to divorce.
Before we take a look at Bible verses for marriage restoration, we want to set the stage with some ground rules.
I. Have Faith
Lots of couples argue for so long that they start thinking things will never get better. They either accept a life of constant arguing and hating each other, or they decide to end the marriage through divorce. Couples need to believe that, with the help of our Lord Jesus Christ, they can actually restore their broken marriage if both are willing to put in the effort.
Philippians 4:13, NIV I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
If we rely only on ourselves, we might face failure. However, we should trust that the Holy Spirit will give us strength. If we think about it logically, we’ll realize that intense conflict in marriage isn’t what God wants for us. God designed marriage for the well-being of both men and women. He never meant for any of us to live in a broken marriage full of hatred and lingering resentment.
Hatred, intense quarrels, and feeling distant in our homes indicate that someone is not following God’s guidance. Either the problem started because of disobedience to God, or the initial issue led someone to engage in other sinful behaviors. In either case, serious marriage problems typically involve wrongdoing.
If you get this, you’ll see we can tackle these problems using the same approaches the Bible suggests for dealing with other sins! Understanding that sin is the core issue brings hope; as Christians, we believe God has the solution to sin.
However, marriage involves two people. To fully resolve a problem between them, both parties must be willing to work on it. If only one person follows God’s guidance, the problem might persist because the other person is not on board.
II. Pray For God’s Strength
Philippians 4:6-7, NIV Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Christians should apply this approach to all our issues, especially our marriage problems. Having strong faith in God’s power means we’ll earnestly pray about our marriage challenges. When facing serious marriage problems, it’s crucial to believe that God will respond to our prayers.
If both the husband and wife are faithful Christians, they should spend time together and individually praying for the Holy Spirit to help with their problems. However, it’s essential to remember that God answers according to His will. If your partner is not a Christian or not faithful, God won’t force them to do what’s right. Nevertheless, He might provide them with an opportunity to understand His will for their lives.
When your family encounters serious problems, how much do you pray together and trust in God’s power to answer your prayers?
III. Respect The Bible’s Authority Over Your Feelings, Human Wisdom, etc.
Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Some people listen to psychologists, marriage counselors, and others. Others rely on their feelings. People may decide to get divorced, saying, “I just don’t feel anything for her (or him) anymore.” However, no matter how strong the feelings are, we must reject any ideas, feelings, or advice that does not agree with the Bible.
Now that the ground rules and in place let’s look at some Bible verses to explore how to navigate a troubled marriage.
What are some bible verses to heal a broken marriage?
1. Learn & Obey What God’s Word Says About Our Problem.
Psalm 1:2, NIV but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.
Matthew 7:24-27, NIV: “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
If we truly trust that the Bible holds the answers, we should look into what God’s word says about family problems and be committed to doing what it advises, not just understanding it.
2. Discuss The Problem
James 1:19, NIV My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
At times, a spouse gets really mad and doesn’t want to talk. Some men might feel they can just decide things without discussing them. Some women might expect men to understand their thoughts without saying them.
But the truth is fixing things only happens when we talk. Both the person who feels wronged and the one accused of doing wrong have a responsibility to discuss the matter.
To resolve conflicts at home, it’s crucial to start by talking. Keeping quiet isn’t the solution. However, it’s important to choose the right time to discuss. It might not be good to talk in front of the kids or when one of you is very angry. In such cases, don’t stay silent. Instead, agree to talk later and set a specific time for the discussion. Stick to that appointment!
3. Speak As You’ve Already Forgiven Them- Then Work to Address the Problem
Colossians 3:13, NIV Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Always remember, the aim is to make up, not to harm your spouse. Sometimes, we’re ready to talk, but it’s just to get our own way. We want to win or prove the other person wrong. It’s like we’re playing a game of trying to hurt each other when we talk. The goal should be to find a resolution based on Scripture.
Romans 12:17, NIV: Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.
At times, a couple begins by trying to solve a problem, but then one person insults the other, and it turns into a back-and-forth of trying to hurt each other the most.
Many discussions turn into fights because we use the problem as a reason to attack each other. Instead, we should team up to tackle the problem together.
When addressing an issue, present it objectively and stay focused on that specific problem. For example, say, “Honey, there’s a problem we need to talk about…” Avoid making the problem bigger by attacking the other person’s character, like saying, “You’re just selfish, that’s all,” or comparing them to someone else’s spouse, like “Why can’t you be like so-and-so’s wife?”
4. Listen to Your Spouse’s Viewpoint.
A “discussion” involves both listening and talking. In reality, many spouses only want to share their own opinions. Don’t go into the discussion thinking the other person has no valid reasons for their view. Be ready to listen quickly and take your time to share your views, especially when you’re upset.
Helpful Hint:
Start the discussion by asking your spouse to explain their view. Instead of attacking their position and defending your own right away, ask questions genuinely aimed at understanding their perspective.
For instance, you could say, “Could you explain to me why you did it that way?” or “Have you thought about doing it like this?” Maybe they’ve considered your idea and have valid reasons for preferring another approach.
Don’t take over the discussion. Let the other person share their views. Consider how you feel when others attack your views without listening to what you have to say.
5. Honestly Examine the Evidence
John 7:24, NIV: Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.
Honestly, try to understand the facts of what happened; perhaps the other person didn’t do what you thought. Ask for the reasons behind their view; they might have considerations you haven’t thought of.
After that, provide evidence for your perspective. Avoid making charges and accusations. Don’t hastily draw conclusions or assume motives.
If you don’t have evidence, ask questions instead of making accusations. Only make accusations if you have proof. Remember, you should be able to prove what you say, or else it’s better not to say it at all!
Don’t assume your spouse is guilty without clear evidence. Refrain from condemning them based on opinions and shaky appearances, especially when you wouldn’t want them to do the same to you.
6. Honestly Examine Your Own Conduct & Motives
Proverbs 28:13, NIV Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
Honestly, think about the chance that you might have been mistaken or at least played a part in the problem. Don’t just blame your partner; maybe there’s room for improvement on your part, too.
Remember Adam and Eve? They both sinned, but Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent. Both were wrong, but neither wanted to admit it. That’s pretty common.
Even when we’re at fault, we often want others to take some of the blame – “See what he/she did!” In families facing serious problems, there’s usually some wrongdoing, but the person (or people) responsible often won’t admit it. Instead, they blame others or come up with excuses.
Pride stops us from seeing and confessing our mistakes. When people look into topics like this, they often think about how it applies to their spouses, but what about you? Being honest and humble means searching for the truth and admitting any mistakes we’ve made. Even if we’re not sure we caused a problem, love encourages us to be ready to get involved and help solve it.
7. Be Patient and Control Your Temper.
1 Corinthians 13:4, NIV Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
In marriage, patience matters… a lot!
In a conversation, remember it’s not wise to answer a question before hearing the whole story. Sometimes, we rush to answer or judge things without thinking it through. Avoid making quick decisions. Don’t feel pressured to finalize things the first time a topic comes up.
Take time with your spouse to reflect on a conversation or on making big decisions. If you don’t find a solution right away, agree to revisit it later. This way, you’re more likely to reach a thoughtful decision, showing your spouse that you take the matter seriously.
I know what you might be thinking… but I don’t have the time to be patient. When we rush anything, it’s typically because we are internally frazzled. I encourage you not to allow this internal frustration to make you lose your objectivity and resort to hurting the other person. Anger (which is how it usually comes out) is not necessarily sinful, but it must be controlled so it doesn’t lead us into sin.
Proverbs 15:1, NIV A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
It’s normal to get upset when things don’t quickly get better. Some issues take time to resolve and improve gradually. Hang in there, don’t give up, and don’t expect instant changes in yourself or your spouse. Give it time.
Additional Bible Verses To Think About
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Ephesians 5:28, NIV In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
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Matthew 5:32, NIV But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
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Hebrews 13:4, NIV Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
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Galatians 5:22-23, NIV But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Conclusion
Marriage is a beautiful reflection of God’s love. It’s the closest connection between two human beings, second only to our relationship with God. Trusting the Lord is where life and marriage begin. Letting God guide your marriage is the key to true happiness. Seeking His guidance is how you let God heal your marriage. May these verses inspire you to love your spouse with the strength and devotion God shows us!
