12 Principles of Healing For Trauma and Codependency    

Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact. —William James

Believing in our ability to get better is a crucial first step in healing, even when we don’t know how the brain or the body heals after trauma. 

What we’re sure about is that our brain keeps adjusting its pathways based on our surroundings throughout our lives. We can alter these brain pathways by changing our environment and, more importantly, our behavior. 

Experts in neurobiology emphasize the importance of creating new and unique experiences that encourage the brain to grow in different directions—to make fresh connections. The reparative and restorative principles below are vital tools to kickstart these new connections.

The Twelve Principles of Healing After Trauma Occurs

Understanding the healing process after a traumatic event is clearer when we see it as a journey of twelve principles.

One: Healing From Trauma Takes Time  

Let’s be real—we didn’t get here overnight and won’t leave overnight either. Trying to rush the process would be overwhelming. So, our goal isn’t speed; it’s about finding a pace to process our feelings and understand why we feel them.

In healing after a traumatic event, we must learn coping skills to manage trauma triggers and codependent urges, even as new challenges arise. It might seem like a big task, but what’s the alternative? Do we want to keep feeling the way we do? We have a choice—to continue feeling or to start resolving by pacing ourselves, staying positive, treating this as a journey, not just a destination, and acknowledging that we can take a break when needed.

By easing up on ourselves and recognizing that healing takes time, we discover the freedom that comes with not rushing into wellness. As we let go of the pressure, we start feeling better—an unexpected paradox in the healing process from a traumatic experience.  

Two: Healing Is Not Linear  

Much as we would like to believe that there are five stages to heal from trauma or how we would like to go from points A to B to C, healing doesn’t work like that. Not for a skinned knee and certainly not for a traumatic event. 

We heal from trauma in ways that make sense to our neural connectors. And we heal in ways that make sense to us emotionally, both verbally and (perhaps most importantly) nonverbally. 

And healing is not uniform. We’ll have setbacks, which we hope will become spaced increasingly farther apart over time. But they will occur. It’s all part of the process. So we might as well put on our “curious hat” and become an active participant and:

1. See what works and what doesn’t work, at least for now.

2. Be open to other options.

3. Stay- gaged and chart the course of your treatment by actively taking care of yourself and working on your mental health, all while remaining amazed and grateful for what we find actually works.    

Three: The Mind and Body Act as One  

Researchers Elizabeth Osuch and Charles Engel (2004) emphasize the strong correlation between mind and body, focusing on how changing the body can change the mind and, as we now know, the neural circuits. 

One way to do this is through yoga. In yoga, the rhythmic deep breathing not only slows the thinking brain but also our physical responses. Heart rate and thinking to slow down; inner organs are massaged, cleansing the lymph system, kidneys, lungs, skin, and digestive and elimination organs. All this leads to a greater sense of well-being.    

Related Reading: How Trauma Affects The Brain

Four: Reparative, Restorative, and Self-Soothing Experiences Are Key  

Noted psychological trauma expert Bessel A. van der Kolk, M.D., emphasizes that insight alone is not sufficient to promote healing from post traumatic stress disorder (2003). Yes, it is a component of healing; it is essential to understand what happened, how we felt then, how it makes us feel now, and what triggers us to remember. But this is not enough. 

Van der Kolk urges the development of reparative experiences that can directly contradict the learned helplessness and the psychic freezing accompanying most traumatic events. 

Five: Changing Your Actions Changes Your Thinking  

This principle, a paradox in healing from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), challenges the idea that understanding must precede change. Contrary to common belief, the axiom “Fake it till you make it!” holds significant power, particularly recognized in programs like Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon.

Changing our actions can profoundly impact not only our mental health but also our overall well-being. When coupled with redefining time, this principle underscores the potency of combining desire with willpower and a support group. Participating in groups like AA and Al-Anon meetings, psychological trauma retreats, and other mental health healing actions empowers individuals to alter deeply ingrained behaviors and our biochemical traumatic response. 

Six: Allow Rather than Force  

Learning to let things unfold naturally, even if it might cause discomfort, is a valuable skill. As we heal from trauma, we begin to realize our inherent power. While we can’t control what enters our mind, we can influence how long it stays by anticipating triggers and preparing our response.

The paradox of healing lies in asserting control by not insisting on being in control. When startled or triggered, we have the choice not to overreact with an overly emotional response. Instead of letting our minds run rampant with negative thoughts, we can take control by allowing the thought without indulging it or working to eliminate it.

We possess the power to witness our pain without letting it consume us, preventing the resurgence of intense trauma symptoms. Recognizing that “allowing, not forcing,” is ongoing can yield positive results over time.  

Seven: Leverage Nonverbal Communications  

Actions indeed speak louder than words. While articulating and verbalizing are crucial, they only tap into a fraction of our brain’s capacity. Our ability to process emotions, childhood trauma, and experiences extends beyond verbal expression.

Some scientists argue that nonverbal strategies, mainly engaging in creative arts, might hold more power than verbal methods. This is because creative activities involve the brain regions activated during the experience of traumatic events, such as the senses (Osuch and Engel 2004).

The nucleus accumbens, responsible for directing motivated behavior and part of the brain’s pleasure center, plays a crucial role in our healing journey. Making the healing journey pleasurable becomes an option.

The potential of creative art in healing is just emerging. Through dance, sketching, painting, sculpture, poetry, writing, journaling, and music, we can harness both verbal and nonverbal means for healing. Renowned figures like Stephen King, Frida Kahlo, and Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky, all childhood trauma survivors, used their art to mend after experiencing a traumatic event.

For over a decade, scientists have delved into art as a healing paradigm for psychological trauma. As of 2012, the New York State Mental Health Services Administration dedicated itself entirely to exploring the intersection of arts and healing, marking the forefront of neurobiology in trauma recovery.

Eight: Embrace Diet, Exercise & Fun  

As living beings, our bodies react to what we eat. It’s important to follow dietary guidelines that suit our individual needs, whether vegan or carnivorous, to ensure a balanced diet with the right nutrients.

When cooking for yourself, consider whether it aligns with what you’d serve someone else—prioritize health. Respecting our bodies is crucial for physical and mental health. Find creative ways to include physical exercise in your routine, like keeping weights by your TV and taking stairs instead of the elevator. Exercise not only benefits your body but also helps release tension.

Rediscover the joy of fun activities. Engage in things that make you happy, whether watching a game, baking, walking, playing sports, listening to music, practicing yoga, or meditating. Everyone needs time for recreation to integrate experiences and approach them with a fresh perspective.

Nine: It’s Good to Slow Down  

We all use techniques to slow down time, like counting to ten or taking a moment before reacting. Dealing with trauma reactions and codependency urges involves similar strategies. We can start by slowing our reactions and seeking support from an established group.

One core strategy is the “One day at a time” approach—focus on today. When we use holistic approaches for self care like meditation, practice mindfulness, use spiritual practices, dance, and even the arts can all slow time and kickstart healing. 

As discussed by mental health expert and therapist Sharon Begley in “Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain,” mindfulness teaches that thoughts and fears aren’t our entire identity, freeing us to address them without feeling defined by them.

Meditation is an effective time-slowing strategy, creating a space where we have control over our responses. Slowing movements, such as driving slightly under the speed limit or walking with purpose, helps gain control of reactions. 

These strategies let us focus on the present, relieving stress as we develop new behaviors and neural pathways to tackle existing challenges. Focusing on the present enables us to use neural pathways developed for other purposes to address our triggers.

Ten: We Can Give Our Trauma Away  

Engaging in spiritual practices can profoundly impact us, providing a sense of connection that alleviates the loneliness of experiencing trauma and codependency. By surrendering our experiences, will, and mind to God, even in the face of significant challenges, we open ourselves to a transformative decision.

In various faiths, prayers often include the phrase “Thy will be done,” symbolizing the act of turning over one’s needs to a higher power. This practice is echoed in traditions like Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, as seen in Psalms: “Cast your cares on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall” (Psalm 55:22).

Turning our worries over to God and trusting in His support is a profound, life-altering choice that is uniquely ours to make. In moments of great challenge, this act can release the central nervous system, provide distance from stress, and even give a sense of calm. Connecting with our God creates an inner oasis where we can link to our spiritual self while accepting outside support.

By relinquishing the need for immediate results, we clear our minds. At this point, our concerns are in the hands of another being or the Universe, allowing us to take a deep breath and start letting go of our emotional trauma. This paradox of healing reminds us that while we alone can initiate it, we don’t have to do it alone.   

Eleven: Accepting Support From A Pharmacological Assist Is Okay

Yes, a “pharmacological assist” simply means medication. Despite our efforts, commitment, therapy sessions, attending a support group, and various other approaches, there are times when we can’t effectively control the emotional or physical symptoms resulting from experiencing a traumatic event. It’s important to remember that trauma affects our brains.

Using medication can carry a sense of shame as if relying on something external is a fault. This stigma is common, especially for those who have struggled with substance abuse. In our healing journey, shame might prevent us from considering medication as a crucial part of our recovery.

The idea that we have to face it alone is our compulsion for self-reliance in action. We don’t have to do it alone; challenging this aspect of codependency means taking the recommended medical action. Prescribed medication is more effective than trying to figure it out on our own.

Sometimes, our bodies lack the biochemicals necessary for the desired well-being. Due to heredity, extreme stress from trauma, or lingering traumatic memories, our brains may not function optimally. Medication can be invaluable in reducing the severity of triggers and trauma-related nightmares. For some trauma survivors, the courage to consider evaluation for medication is a significant step.

Twelve: Don’t Take It Personally  

As we begin to change how we see and approach others, we will be met with a range of physical and emotional reactions from people. Some reactions are positive, and people support our growth, change, and trauma recovery. But other reactions may not be positive. People may need to take some time to process the changes they see in us; they may be surprised or even threatened by the differences they see. 

Don’t take this personally. Other people’s reactions are mostly about themselves, their history, and their needs. We are not responsible for others; that is our codependency in action. Remember, it is enough to be accountable for ourselves. 

As Don Miguel Ruiz states in his book The Four Agreements (1997), when we take personally the actions or attitudes of others, it is akin to letting their poison-tipped daggers stab at our heart. We need to protect our hearts and ourselves and allow the actions of others to be about them, not about us.    

Conclusion

The neurobiology of healing from a traumatic event is an emerging field. We know less about healing than we do about the actual mechanisms for storing and retrieving material from a traumatic experience. 

But the neurobiology of healing is alive, growing well, and beginning to attract more mainstream researchers as those impacted by trauma, those who love them, and clinicians clamor for some hard data. What is emerging is a picture of common principles that enhance healing from trauma symptoms. These elements are available for individual use and can be combined into our personal recovery process as we learn coping skills and how to practice self care.